OLD asking their salary?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

I'm expecting to get flamed for this, and I know it's shallow.

I've been OLD for over 2 years now with not much luck but I want to meet someone who is financially secure and can support a family.
I have one ds and would love a big family and I don't want to struggle financially like I am at the moment but I don't know how to ask a potential date how much they earn apart from asking their job and googling the salary for that role.

I'm not even looking for someone mega rich, I just don't want to struggle and have to count every penny like I do now.

Would be be extremely rude and golddigger-ish to ask outright? It would save wasting each other's time if they're on a low income but I just can't bring myself to ask incase they react badly. Is there any way to word the question nicely?

Anyone else OLD bothered about a new partners income and ability to financially support a family? Or does it not bother you? Of course personality and someone who'll be my best friend is the most important thing.

Do you really think they would tell you the truth @DoYouNeedAWee ?
Stop being so naive and stop looking for a man to give you the financial stability that you are craving, you are more than capable of doing this yourself!

@stucknoue running a credit check on another person without their consent is illegal. Please do not do that.

Shocking ..
You need a sugar daddy.

This thread is unbelievable in this day and age, totally depressing. Can you imagine a man posting this.

Op you should be asking how to improve your earning potential. How to make sure you can provide for you and your child.

Not how you can work out a mans salary so he can pay for you. That's disgusting.

And to blame your religion, simply makes it worse.

I was a single mother and I went on an access course and then got a degree. Supported by state through access course and my 18mth old funded for nursery. Then student finance. There are no reasons why you can't do the same.

Stop looking for a man to support you. You are wise to look for a man with financial stability but the expectation for him to be able to support your family should not be coming into practice for a long time!

You could go back into care and train up to be the coordinator then manager ect or however that system works. When you yourself are a better prospect and financially better off you would be more likely to meet a partner who may earn more than you, but be happy that you would be able to contribute enough for you both to have a nicer lifestyle.

I understand not wanting to be with a jobless man. If you want a relationship where nice meals out, mini European breaks and a decent holiday happens yearly than that isn't something to be ashamed about. Most men would also like a relationship where they can afford to live without major money worries and be able to afford to experience life. But you will have to be willing to contribute to this lifestyle too.

I used to be a single mum on benefits. I worked part time and went to college. I then went to uni and met my now dp (not at uni but when I first started studying). My dp has a trade job and earns decent money. We now have a lovely lifestyle compared to what it was when I was a single parent. I don't have to worry about school shoes this month and food, I can afford them both which wasnt the case a few years ago.

You don't need a sugar daddy. You just need to be an equal person in a relationship with a man who wants the same sort as life as you.

OP I'm not being funny but if you've had no luck for 2 years do you think you might be setting your sights a bit high?

Someone earning enough to support you (and your child) will normally be seen as quite a catch and will have a lot of interest from other women. A lot of those women will have their own jobs, have good qualifications, etc and be of more interest to such a guy.

If I was an intelligent, well off guy I would be very unlikely to date a single, unemployed mum who says herself she will only have minimum wage jobs. It wouldn't even be about the money side of things but I would (rightly or wrongly) make assumptions about compatibility of intelligence levels and finding things to talk about. There's been plenty of dating research which shows that generally people are attracted to people at a very similar social/educational/financial/intelligence level to themselves.

Why don't you use this time that you are unemployed to do a degree or some sort of training to improve your skills and therefore your prospects of getting a higher paid job. Stop looking for a man to sponge off and earn the money yourself. On the plus side you're teaching your DS the type of woman to avoid if he doesn't want to be taken for a mug!

Sure, there are loads of single wealthy men lining up to date a single mum on benefits!

The conversation would go like this:
you: so are you financially secure? what is your salary
mystery man who may answer: £xx,xxx and yes I am, you?
you: I count the pennies and am.not against contributing financially when my child.is in full time education.

I don't think that will go down well. if your counting the pennies and your currently not on work start looking for a job or start improving your chances of earning more. if you rely on someone else for an income and something goes wrong you will be far worse off. many women find financial insecurity a huge turn off when dating and men will too.

How about you make your own success? Retrain, educate yourself, or just work bloody hard- that way your child can be proud of you one day

What makes you think a high earning man will want an unemployed or low earning woman? Most men want an equal, not someone they’re going to have to support financially.

When I found myself as a single parent with a toddler, I went to university and got a first class degree.

What are you doing to improve your own situation?

Agree with everyone else, I wouldn't entertain dating an unemployed man. I'd be even less likely to date an unemployed man with a child who expected me to financially support them but wasn't, in principle, against the idea of contributing themselves.

@Scott72 there is no such thing as a 'high class' prostitute.

Where to even start!

Any man with a good job would clock you as interested in their money from a mile away!

You and you alone are responsible for your own life and also the care of your child.

You must better yourself- use the time you have now to learn something, research courses you could do, anything, but don’t look to a man or OLD to “save you”

It won’t, it will spell utter disaster- ESPECIALLY with the supposed religious narrative you have going on - you are an abusive relationship waiting to happen.

Be strong, work hard for your family and then if someone is worth it they will have time with you. Your priorities need adjustment.

I think things have changed in terms of getting rich men: it's not enough to be just pretty, cheerful, sexy etc. but you also have to have a career in your own right/professional qualifications or a similar family background.

There are so many women who are pretty AND educated/successful/driven and so many rich men have been burnt by huge divorce settlements that I think they are looking for more.

All my wealthy lawyer/banker/doctor friends etc. are with women in a similar position. I know no rich men nowadays who have settled down with the traditional trophy wife. DH earns 6 figures but then so do I (to be fair, he earns several times more than I do, but I am 13 years younger) and my career is important to me.

the quality of the woman I absolutely hate this idea that there are high and low quality women. It's vile.

And so is the idea that there are high and low class prostitutes.

If you want a relationship where nice meals out, mini European breaks and a decent holiday happens yearly than that isn't something to be ashamed about.

That's fine if you are paying your half. The OP is expecting all.of that without contributing. That is something to be ashamed about.

OP you need to look at increasing your own earnings, not relying on a man to do this for you.

the quality of the woman I absolutely hate this idea that there are high and low quality women. It's vile.

Why?

I think in terms of the 'quality' of men. Although it does tend to be based on how they live their lives generally and not their income.

I would consider a man on £25k who volunteers, is kind, loyal and faithful to be higher 'quality' than one who earns 6 figured but is selfish and cruel.

I would consider a man who doesn't take care of himself, who treats his partner badly and who engages in criminal activity to be 'low quality'.

Two sides to this.

I suspect you've had a similar experience to me with OLD and just attracted cocklodgers, or if not, men who earned less than I did and resented me for it however, asking income isn't the way to do it.

Stop using OLD. Start working on yourself. You absolutely can improve your prospects and as a result, what you can offer and therefore attract a potential partner with.

But first, stop looking for a man to sort your life. Only you can do this. Once you realise you're fine just the way you are then, you can start looking for someone to be part of your life. A partnership should be about what you both bring to the relationship.

Sorry op

As others have mentioned , most wealthy men in the UK would be looking for a similar partner in both education and status. I think you'll find that the men clicking on your profile may not be the type you're after unless of course you're a model. Then all bets are off.

You can ask but they can say whatever they like so there's not much point. You wouldn't come over well though.

Treacle but the op earns nothing.

She is looking to become a 'cocklodger' (dont know the term for female equivalent!)

That's not the same as not wishing to be taken advantage of and protecting your interests.

Not being funny but someone who earns a good salary is probably not going to be interested in an unemployed care worker. People are generally attracted to people who are the same ‘level’ as them intellectually. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule.
Asking someone how much money they have would be a massive red flag and unless they are a twat who likes to bleat on about how rich they are they will run a mile. (And someone who is a twat will want arm candy which probably doesn’t include an existing child)

People are right. You should be prepared to earn your own money. And I say that as someone who earns a 1/4 of what my DH earns. However before we had kids we earned similar but then when we had kids I gave up work/worked part time while his career (and salary) increased significantly. However that was a decision we made jointly and DH was happy for me to concentrate on the kids as that was important to both of us for various reasons.
Now the kids are getting a bit older I have a job which has the potential for me to developer a career for myself.

If you are unemployed why don’t you look at schemes that will train you up for a better training job?

I've only read to page 2 but I think it's an ok question to have in your mind. I wouldn't want to be seriously involved with someone who earned significantly less than me, because I don't want my standard of living to drop for me and my kids. Plus my little bit of tax credits and council tax reduction would go if we got together under one roof. However most people would be earning more than a temporarily unemployed Carer. The pay is rubbish for such important work.