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OLD asking their salary?

287 replies

DoYouNeedAWee · 10/08/2019 20:09

I'm expecting to get flamed for this, and I know it's shallow.

I've been OLD for over 2 years now with not much luck but I want to meet someone who is financially secure and can support a family.
I have one ds and would love a big family and I don't want to struggle financially like I am at the moment but I don't know how to ask a potential date how much they earn apart from asking their job and googling the salary for that role.

I'm not even looking for someone mega rich, I just don't want to struggle and have to count every penny like I do now.

Would be be extremely rude and golddigger-ish to ask outright? It would save wasting each other's time if they're on a low income but I just can't bring myself to ask incase they react badly. Is there any way to word the question nicely?

Anyone else OLD bothered about a new partners income and ability to financially support a family? Or does it not bother you? Of course personality and someone who'll be my best friend is the most important thing.

OP posts:
FlyingSpaghettiM0nster · 11/08/2019 08:32

How would you like it if a man asked you how much you earned and then binned you off because you either don't have a job or are on minimum wage? Honestly, get a grip and get a better job or get yourself educated if you want more money... Hmm

Shouldbedoing · 11/08/2019 08:35

I've now read the last page, and I'd like to say that there are more opportunities for an unemployed single parent to embark on study and get help with childcare that when married or employed already

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 11/08/2019 08:40

Cf check list!
Salary
Housing status
Car driven
Penis size
Breeding potential
Looks
Am I missing something 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Oh yes is he easy on the eye
Personality at the bottom
🤣🤣🤣🤣

PegasusReturns · 11/08/2019 08:42

Make your own success. You've identified what you want: a life where you don't count pennies. So make it happen.

CherryPavlova · 11/08/2019 08:42

I think it’s a good idea to be clear as a couple what lifestyle you want and how you are going to achieve that together. Earning potential comes into that. You need to understand and have achieved a reasonable standard of living before bringing children into the picture ideally.
It usually takes two of you working together, both contributing financially initially and both prepared to work your socks off to get to a nice house, nice car, nice holidays situation. It’s rarely about Cinderella marrying Prince Charming.
Get some qualifications, get a career plan. Don’t have more children until you’re in a position to provide for them.

Happyspud · 11/08/2019 08:45

What you need to do is travel back in time and find yourself a patron.

Or live in modern times and manage your life and responsibilities yourself. Finding a partner is separate to that.

NameChangeNugget · 11/08/2019 08:49

I really cannot believe what I’ve just read Hmm

howdyalikemenow · 11/08/2019 08:49

Yes yabu. And a gold digger. HTH

Letseatgrandma · 11/08/2019 08:50

You sound like a gold digger.

Do you think a man who is financially solvent, earns decent money with no debt is going to pick an unemployed single parent, or someone equally financially solvent who earns decent money with no debt?

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 11/08/2019 08:53

My DH did a bit of OLD before we met and he says he could tell a mile off which dates were only interested in his wage/pension/prospects.

cookiechomper · 11/08/2019 08:53

I was an unemployed single mother when I was on OLD and I did have interest from professional men who wanted to date me for my looks probably, but when it came down to it I don't think they would have been willing to provide and support a family. However they lacked in other areas, such as personality and I wasnt attracted to them so never took it further than a few dates.
Money wasn't my priority though, other qualities are more important. I met my husband on OLD and he had a job, but not professional and now we also have children together and he supports us while I stay home with the kids. You'll meet the right person for you if you don't go looking for the wrong things.

GirlOnIt · 11/08/2019 09:08

Not going to comment on asking salary details as I think other posters have covered that.
But you say you aren't working due to young Dc, you do know you can get help towards childcare don't you? If your child is over two which I'm presuming so if you've been online dating for 2 years, you can 15 hours of free childcare at two and if you're working you can get 30 hours of free childcare at 3.
If work is impossible, I notice you mentioned care jobs and I know some where nights etc are needed, which without help can be impossible with young children unless you can afford a nanny which a minimum wage job you won't. But definitely use this time and free childcare to look into studying or at least updating your skills. Some college/unis do even pay for more childcare so you can attend as well.
(Apologies if you're not in the uk and that might not apply)

Also think of the bigger picture. I know a friend who from leaving school went into childcare. Notoriously under paid, but she did lots of additional training, ended up doing a degree and is now in management at a local authority children's centre. She earns similar to me who did the A levels-Uni route. Granted neither of us are in huge salary jobs, but that's the nature of the roles we've chosen.
I'll be returning to work as a single mum with two Dc and yes a very large portion of my wage will go on childcare, but I'm keeping my skills up to date and I'm paying into my pension. I think it's worth it for those reasons.

SandyY2K · 11/08/2019 09:08

Is sugarbaby what we are calling prostitutes nowadays?

Not really, because it's a relationship and usually an exclusive one, which isn't the case with prostitution.

Being a sugarbaby is about being in a relationship with a wealthy man, who wants to provide for you financially. You get to know his family and vice versa. For all intents and purposes, it's a normal relationship, with a very rich man.

Tbh..I don't see it much differently to women who target football players in the UK or basketball/ American football players in the US for relationships. That us the ambition of some women.. to marry a rich man.

They target them because they're rich. Simple. It's just done in person, as opposed to online.

The men may not all be keen on single mothers .. as they want you when they do and a child gets in the way if that. They want a beautiful, attractive slim woman, who likes regular sex.

You won't be deceiving them, because they know you want a man with money and they want to be that man. They also feel a degree of security knowing you're unlikely to leave them, because the money keeps you there.

Some of these relationships are time limited, like a contract. A student may enter a sugarbaby relationship for the duration of her undergraduate degree.

In most cases, the man is a fair bit older. With the money, he has the ability to get a woman 15+ years younger.

Some wealthy men think all women are gold diggers anyway...and prefer sugar babies, as they're upfront about it.

There was one guy who fell deeply in love with his sugarbaby, but once she completed her degree and extended the relationship another year while he supported her, she wanted it to end.

She wanted a man her own age to have a family with. He was devastated.

Where there's no contract involved, it can work out well for both parties.

VikVal · 11/08/2019 09:13

If you go for a guy with money it will end in disaster! My dad is very wealthy, also all he thinks about is wealth. Paying his way is correct, but treating you and your DC with love and compassion is just as important, someone who will put you first. If you simply look at salary, you're in for a bad ride! Want more money, train up in evenings and get more money.

catwithnohat · 11/08/2019 09:15

Sorry to say but you come across as being on the make. I wouldn't be happy for my income to be seen as a requirement.

What would you do, dump him/her if they lost their job or changed profession?

Just read some of the threads on here to realise that a lot of partners do not expect to share.....

SolitudeAtAltitude · 11/08/2019 09:17

Not unreasonable to want that OP

But as a single mum, unemployed, you would have to hope the bloke does not expect the same in return...

A friend of mine did this, she is tall and blonde and a lot of fun, and makes her BF very happy, they always seem to be on holiday now (she's a single mum, carer, so never had money to travel much before)

But as a fellow woman I'd advise you to get the childs dad to pay his share, get a better paid job, and try and earn that money yourself.

Wheelerdeeler · 11/08/2019 09:19

How good of you to be totally against contributing once your child is in school.... contributing????? The bloody cheek of you. You have a child. It is YOUR responsibility to pay for him.

User2000019 · 11/08/2019 09:20

I get it but wouldn’t ask them outright. Financial standing is usually quite obvious when you get to know someone. Also, they may have a shit income but huge inheritance on its way or be mortgage free with minimal outgoings. You’ll only find these things out by generally getting to know someone, I’m not sure asking a number for salary would even tell you much and as has already been said, people (men!) tend to lie about it!

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2019 09:20

I wouldn't want to be seriously involved with someone who earned significantly less than me, because I don't want my standard of living to drop for me and my kids

She's unemployed. She lives off of benefits. Anyone who is employed earns more than her.

She's looking for a man who will pay for her and her child. She's not looking for an equal. Hence the question, she wants to make sure they earn enough to pay for her.

It's friggen mind boggling some women still exist who think like this.

beccarocksbaby · 11/08/2019 09:21

Get a job. Get some education. Work your way up.

I was a single mum without a job for a while. It was miserable. So I went to college and then university and now I'm on £30k +. I met my husband while at uni. We have similar goals and incomes because we were there with similar goals.

Put the work in and you get the rewards. If I was a guy and I was asked what my earnings were on a date I'd leave. Immediately.

ZenNudist · 11/08/2019 09:21

Wow what a sad attitude to have. Its like the last 60 years never happened.

If you want to be attractive to a man of reasonable earning potential you need to be something other than a single parent unemployed carer. Sorry to be harsh.

Are you stunningly beautiful? Amazing in bed? Thats a chance.

Otherwise you need to look at training to improve your own prospects. Are ypu numerate? Accountancy is a good option for better paid jobs and ypu can work and train.

What are your level of qualifications?

User2000019 · 11/08/2019 09:34

Why are people asking the OP if she’s stunningly beautiful or amazing in bed?!?

How can her requirement for money be worse than a man looking for purely looks?

I agree asking outright what someone earns is ridiculous. But it is no worse than a man looking for pure looks, is it?

OP if you’re so bothered by money you will soon find out someone’s financial standing but you’ll have to date them a few times first. Asking them would be pointless anyway as it’s not a good way to measure wealth. So many other factors come into it.

Zenithbear · 11/08/2019 09:39

Your attitude to men is disgusting.
You should put a gold digger warning on your profile.
Want money? Make it yourself.

MaeveDidIt · 11/08/2019 09:42

Likewise a females level of intelligence and earning power (not just looks) will often count with a high earner.
You shouldn't have to ask the question in the first place if you are bright enough to know or at least find out approx. salaries for different jobs/levels etc.
Bear in mind if your at a classy restaurant with Mr High Earner, you do Not say you're going for a wee 🙄😀

prawnsword · 11/08/2019 09:43

It’s possible who you want is out there, but chances are they are going to be someone who physically repulses you. As long as you’re cool with that.... Confused

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