OLD asking their salary?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

I'm expecting to get flamed for this, and I know it's shallow.

I've been OLD for over 2 years now with not much luck but I want to meet someone who is financially secure and can support a family.
I have one ds and would love a big family and I don't want to struggle financially like I am at the moment but I don't know how to ask a potential date how much they earn apart from asking their job and googling the salary for that role.

I'm not even looking for someone mega rich, I just don't want to struggle and have to count every penny like I do now.

Would be be extremely rude and golddigger-ish to ask outright? It would save wasting each other's time if they're on a low income but I just can't bring myself to ask incase they react badly. Is there any way to word the question nicely?

Anyone else OLD bothered about a new partners income and ability to financially support a family? Or does it not bother you? Of course personality and someone who'll be my best friend is the most important thing.

If you were a high Warner and wanted someone similar then I could see your point but to not even have a job and be worrying about what men on online dating might be earning is laughable.

Stop being such a scrounger and get off your arse and get a job.

I can’t believe someone actually said this out loud 🤦🏻‍♀️

In a bizarre reverse situation to this, I once had a guy dump me after a few dates as he was concerned that he didn't earn anywhere near what I do and he wouldn't be able to keep up with my lifestyle!

I have 2 low paid jobs, I met a Chemist through OLD, he doesn't mind that I'm not a professional

You have two jobs. The op has no job. She's on benefits. It's not remotely the same thing. And she could study. Another thread shows her child goes to nursery twice a week. So she has time. Plenty of it.

And curly girl, yes, it's the low paid ones who the op isn't interested in. 😂

Honestly if I were OLD I think I might well block somebody who asked questions about my salary or solvency. It's way too personal!!

I just asked my high earning fiancé who I met OLD seven years ago if there was any good way to ask what salary you earn as a screening process. The answer was yes. He’d have appreciated you asking as then he could have screened you out as someone to avoid completely.

Just to clarity, when I said

I think this is a really fair question

I was referring to @WelcomeToShootingStars asking

why would anyone want to give her a chance, given she doesn't work and is actively looking for other people's money to fund her lifestyle??

If someone had asked me my salary on OLD it would been a no thanks and goodbye from me.

You've no right to quiz strangers on their salaries and doing so when you are in a financially vulnerable position would not only put off decent hardworking men, it would also be catnip to the type of controlling man just looking for someone they could quickly lovebomb, gift, future fake and then hold to ransom using a big salary.

Please don't be too harsh on me 🙈 I've never actually asked anyone, but as pp said I also wouldn't want to date someone with a lot of debt

There's a middle ground, someone that earns an average wage.

As many others have said, get off your backside and educate yourself so you can earn your own salary.

Can't believe you want someone else to pay for the lifestyle you desire instead of earning it yourself.

So I may be reading far too much into this.

But if you read the other dating thread the OP is on. I actually think theres a bigger issue at play.

She doesnt want to date a white Muslim and/or revert. Whilst complaining that muslims families tend not to welcome white women in well . Nor would she date someone unemployed or with kids. So basically she wont date anyone like her or in her position.

She also mentions only having one muslim friend.

Assuming she is bringing her son up muslim, I wonder if her dating check list has less to do with what she wants and more to do with being wanting to become more part of her local muslim community.

She is wanting someone who has always been muslim and grown up in, and is a part of a community. Having money means she can be the assumed (but often incorrect) stereotype of a muslim wife. At home, lots of kids, husband out earning to keep them living well. Except most of the muslim women I know, despite having kids, have their own businesses, good jobs etc.

I cant help wonder if OP had a picture in her head of what being a muslim wife would be like. That relationship has ended and is just wanting vision she had and wanting a community.

Again, I am aware that I may be reading too much into it. But I find someone who says 'god no, I would never date anyone like me or in my position' Usually has more going on behind the scenes. They recognise they arent a good prospect, because they would not consider someone in that position good prospect. But still believe they should be viewed by others, as a good prospect. Instead of actually improving themseleves.

Probably talking out if my arse, but there seems to be something going on.

So I may be reading far too much into this.

You are. Leave her alone fgs.

Leave her alone fgs.

Ffs, I am not having a go. I am saying there maybe more than 'I just want his money' going on. Which far more understandable.

If you want to choose to see it as me having a go, that's really a choice you are making.

I don't think you're reading too much into it. The op herself mentions her religion, she introduced it on the thread as justification on why she wished to have someone provide for her.,,and she's clear she does not wish to be with someone who is remotely like her, it's what the thread is about, she doesn't wish to be with a parent or someone on benefits, but clearly feels people should wish to be with her despite these things.

She seems to be using her religion on this thread as some form of justification for her behaviour, and that's not ok. Religion has nothing to do with it.

she's clear she does not wish to be with someone who is remotely like her

On the contrary, by the sounds of it, she is looking for a man who shares her traditionalist perspective. And in the Muslim community, she's likely to meet such a person. Most (actually all, I think) of the Muslim women I know are SAHMs.

Wealth is not the only criterion of value when looking to make a compatible match.

@Rocaille every Muslim woman I know works, some quite senior. Granted I only know Muslim women through my work. But what a bizarre thing to say. Your posts on this thread have been so strange.

"Wealth is not the only criterion of value when looking to make a compatible match."

And yet it is the whole point of the OP's post.

I think Rocaille has fundamentally misunderstood the whole thread. She’s even told wishihad off who was actually being quite understanding to the op, in a misguided attempt to defend her!
I don’t think your posts are actually adding anything to the debate, Rocaille, given that you’ve even managed to contradict yourself at one point.

Well, your sample is somewhat biased then, namby!

The Muslim women I know are neighbours, parents from DD's school and the school I used to teach at, & some refugee families my mum's been supporting. I'm obviously far from an expert on these matters.

I didn’t speak to anyone online unless they displayed their salary and it was above £40k. I don’t care if people flame me for it. Financially security was and is important to me. I earn as much as he does.

OK, HeadintheiClouds, like the OP, I'm off.

(DH has just got home. I'm going to ask him what his salary is. This thread has made me realise that I've never actually enquired...)

On the contrary, by the sounds of it, she is looking for a man who shares her traditionalist perspective. And in the Muslim community, she's likely to meet such a person. Most (actually all, I think) of the Muslim women I know are SAHMs

But she isnt. She wont date a white muslim or revert. Regardless of how traditional their perspective is or if they have been brought up muslim. She also wont date some unemployed or has kids.

She is a white revert Muslim, who is unemployed and has child. She also laments that non white muslim families arent welcoming to white women. Whilst saying she wont date a white muslim. If you look at yourself and know you wouldnt date you, you need to sort that out.

Theres a massive whiff of hypocrisy. Wanting a place in the community she is struggling to achieve on her own, makes more sense and is more understandable.

She has really narrowed her list down to a group of men she says, arent really interested in white single mums without a job. But that's her dating pool which she further narrows by, wanting good earning potential as well.

@Rocaille "Well, your sample is somewhat biased then, namby! 

The Muslim women I know are neighbours, parents from DD's school and the school I used to teach at, & some refugee families my mum's been supporting. I'm obviously far from an expert on these matters."

Obviously. And well yes, that's my point, that your experience doesn't speak for an entire religion, nor does mine. But yes you go ask your DH his salary...totally normal and healthy to not know your spouse's salary......🙄

@IDontBelieveYou but the difference is you are only wanting what you yourself have worked for, that's understandable.

I'm really shocked by this post. You wouldn't date yourself. Most couples are fairly evenly matched but you're looking not only for support for yourself but your child. If you're honest most partners will run a mile. You're not even thinking of going back to work in the near future.

No @namby I earn the same as him now. I didn’t before. I was pretty workshy when I met him. His work ethic inspired me.

That said, I didn’t realise the thread was 11 pages and has moved on somewhat!

@IDontBelieveYou then yeah that's a bit rich, no pun intended, but I suppose people must know what they're getting in for when they post their salaries. I'm glad it was a motivator for you, I'd still say it isn't directly comparable unless you were a single mother looking for a free ride