OLD asking their salary?

[DoYouNeedAWee]

I'm expecting to get flamed for this, and I know it's shallow.

I've been OLD for over 2 years now with not much luck but I want to meet someone who is financially secure and can support a family.
I have one ds and would love a big family and I don't want to struggle financially like I am at the moment but I don't know how to ask a potential date how much they earn apart from asking their job and googling the salary for that role.

I'm not even looking for someone mega rich, I just don't want to struggle and have to count every penny like I do now.

Would be be extremely rude and golddigger-ish to ask outright? It would save wasting each other's time if they're on a low income but I just can't bring myself to ask incase they react badly. Is there any way to word the question nicely?

Anyone else OLD bothered about a new partners income and ability to financially support a family? Or does it not bother you? Of course personality and someone who'll be my best friend is the most important thing.

There are sites specially for women who are looking for a man with money. Why not try those.

Most people want to date/marry a person who is relatively financially secure especially at a certain age.
However this also goes for men too.
I'm sorry to say but you are not the most attractive of propositions as an unemployed single mother, especially one that is asking about their salary on the first date.

Terrain and get yourself financially stable for the sake of your child.

Retrain bit terrain ^^

Could you imagine the flaming a man who get on here (quite rightly) if he stated that he could not possibly date a woman who was just a cleaner as it didn’t fit in with his life long aspirations.

You and only you are responsible for building the future you crave or believe you deserve and the financial stability you want and this may take hard work and retraining on your part in order to achieve this. Circumstances can change for anyone (for the worse) regardless of how much he earns and the status of his job title.

Partner’s salary is important to me. I grew up extremely poor and don’t want my own DC to experience that. The father’s salary is 50% of giving my DC a decent life, perhaps more than that considering I’m the primary carer and my career has to take a back seat to parenting.

I did marry someone who’s in the top 10% of UK earners and has no debt - but at the time I was young (30) and very attractive, with a good education and no children. I’m under no illusions that he’d be interested in me now post-baby if we weren’t already married. What are you offering to attract a high earner who presumably has a lot of options?

do you think you’ve a lot to offer A wealthy man?

There’s no harm in wanting financial security, if you’re prepared to make compromises. A man who’d want that will want a bit of arm candy.

I thought this would be a post from a high earner who wanted to make sure a potential partner's spending capacity/financial priorities would match theirs... that would've made more sense.

Or, I could understand someone wanting a partner at a similar income level, so a future relationship wouldn't make yours any harder.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to bankroll a big family that you couldn't afford, or don't plan on being able to afford yourself

I agree that many men on OLD will be looking for the same as you in a partner ie someone in employment and financially secure.

How do you know she is lazy?

give the op a break. I suspect she wants to avoid cocklodgers like the plague.

Nobody is forcing you to merge lives with these guys but i think you are putting the cart before the horse. No point finding out what randomers earn. Are you afraid you will make a bad decision? Be led by your heart!
Just take it a day at a time. If you met somebody in real life you wouldnt dream of asking what they earnt! That is something you find out a bit later. OLD or real life. I did OLD and id have been shocked if somebody asked me outright what i earned! I did pick up on various clues though of course.

I am a widower. I have a 6 figure salary. My late wife had a stellar career and salary what dwarfed mine. I wouldn’t date or marry you - what can you offer me and why would i want to hand over many million quid that you’ve done nothing to earn?

Its deeply unattractive that you expect to sponge off someone else

Maybe she has scintillating conversation?

@stucknoue

Fucking hell miss marple, stalker much

I don't understand at all your view on money, as a pp said I thought you were earning and didn't want someone who earns lower or is in debt. But you are not earning at all? I met my now fiance and I had no idea how much he earned when I first fell in love with him. I just loved his kindness, his beautiful heart, his smell, his eyes, his morals and view on life, and how he treated me. When it came out how much he did earn, I was made up. Not for me, but for US. For me and him. Because me and my soul mate, my future husband (next year yey) won't have to struggle. If I want money for ME, I will earn it. As a couple I am just happy we can live relatively well together. I don't like your view. To be honest.

I met mine in real life. I wasn't looking at the time either, the opposite in fact

Well that interpretation is a little harsh!! OP doesnt want to fund anbody else.
She isnt looking forca sugar Daddy.

I know i said dont put the cart before the horse OP, but just trust your judgement. Trust yrslf not to meet and fall for a cocklodger!

Think about it. You wouldnt date you.

So what do you have to give that a similar thinking well earning man would want from the off? The only men who wont mind, will be men with similar values.

You need to concentrate on your earning potential. Study or anything to improve your earning potential.

You could meet a big earner. Have the big family. He could walk out and still leave you watching the pennies. Even if you marry.

You are essentially, saying you want someone to finance the lifestyle you want.

You can but expect the same in return. Anyone who’s solvent will steer clear of an unemployed person!

You want someone to fund your life, which is fine. There are men willing to do this. But there will be massive sacrifice or expectations for you aswell and they will probably not match yours.

Oh OP, you arent earning atm?
I think you are better off not considering money atm.

I didnt date when i was a single parent with low earning potential but two tiny kids because i think i would have been doubtful or suspicious of anybody who wanted me.

Nothing wrong with low paid work if it's secure and you like it.

Is Seeking Arrangement still going? Ppl on there are very upfront about what they earn. ;)

Oh OP. I understand why you don't want to struggle. If you want to land in with the wealthy you yourself have to offer something they would be interested in. Do you come from a good family (and I mean established wealthy or professional) Do you have a degree? Are you well travelled? Are you model like? Do you yourself run a business or have professional qualifications? You need to raise your own bar. There's nothing wrong with your life as is however. I'm on a 6figure salary and I'm sorry to say that a skint single bloke with a kid won't be attractive to me precisely because there could be an assumption I'd be the one looking after them.

My dh has his own Porsche and business when I first met him. Then in 18months he went bust and his Porsche got taken by bailiffs. Over time he has made it all back and then some but over 10 years!! Life is good now but it hasn't always been and I think you need to evaluate a life partner on a lot more than his current wealth.