Devastated

[MarthasGinYard]

Have had an up and down relationship with a good DP for almost 12 years. I would say last 12 months much stronger.

Very Early worries of trust have always made me a tiny bit suspicious, but hand on heart nothing has ever really happened.

I found something the other night which didn't quite add up. My anxiety made me have a search through his things which is something I haven't done in years. When he came in from work, I asked him to just explain and he did completely. Felt much better but forgot to admit I'd had a dig around. He found I'd looked through his drawer. He went absolutely mad and I was honest and told him I'd had a snoop and reasons why and apologised.

He wants to call it a day says he's not happy. He can barely look at me. I feel terrible. I don't want my little family to split up. I've begged him to change his mind. We've been through similar once before. He says I've pushed him away and will never trust him. I actually do. I love him very much. probably haven't shown it enough. I've taken him for grafted and we are in a bit of a rut I guess.

Just need a hand hold through this. I have work today a long shift where have to be smiling and on the ball and don't know how I'll get through it. Haven't slept a wink. Please try to be gentle.

I'm in my 40's and I feel so vulnerable and worried about the future. I'd literally do anything to try and make things better. I think it might be too late.

If you have got this far

Thank you

That is good Martha!

Thanks Anne

And for your support

Oh I really really hope so. Very best wishes Martha

I hope things work out.

Hope things work our OP and your happy 💐

Martha - been lurking from the beginning.
Whatever happens - good luck ❤️
I have been close to the precipice and back. Sometimes relationships are cyclical and you need to ride out some horrible storms - only you can decide whether it is worth staying in.
Please don't feel the need to name change

Thanks so much all

I'm hoping we can give it a whirl, at least if we try and it's not to be then we know we did all we could.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Martha, I have nothing practical to add that hasn’t been already said. I just wanted to let you know that you sound like a very normal, rational person that is going through hell. We all have our ups and downs in relationship, all make mistakes, do things we shouldn’t. Nobody deserves or would cope any better than you if their partner suddenly decided it was over.
I wish you strength to carry on and get through this. Be kind to yourself, you are grieving and coping in the best way you can. I wish I could give you a hug so sending you a virtual one instead. Take care

Just seen your last post. Wish you well. Good luck and don’t feel too afraid of him leaving to say what you need too. X

Thank you so much all

And Coco

Very Good point. It's weird, but tbh we are both just being quite polite and talking about

I know that we need to discuss stuff I just can't do it yet.

It is a bit like " the elephant in the room " at the moment for you .
You have had a big shock .
Hugs for you!

It’s understandable to not feel able to discuss it yet. I’m sure you’re both exhausted.
I mean this with the very best of intentions, but naturally it’s easier to just put it behind you, almost brush it under the carpet, as your horrible feelings of loss will disappear and who doesn’t want to feel ‘normal’ again.
However, it is important that you get to the bottom of your problems or I fear the same situation will occur in a few months time. Don’t be pushed into taking on more hours at work hoping that everything will be fine; you are a team and who earns the money and who looks after the house and child shouldn’t really matter.
Make sure you feel the relationship is good for you too, will you be walking on eggshells? You also have a say on if the relationship will continue, it is not entirely his decision.
I really hope everything works out for you. You sound like a lovely mother and your little girl is lucky to have you as is your partner.

Agree @Cocoismydog

Also agree with cocoismydog.

Keep going, Marthas and please remember that you also need to be happy, he is not the boss of that and you do not have to accept a relationship with him on purely his terms if they don't work for you as well.

I agree and disagree with some of the posters.
Yes - you need to be happy and work on yourself and not ensure that there is a shift in the relationship.
However, many times over the past twenty years that I have been with my DP we have come close to the edge.
Due to just 'life' and both of us probably not willing to budge, we have swept it under the carpet and not discussed quite serious matters. Seriously to this day I cannot for the life of me remember what the issues were - I know they were really serious at the time. Sometimes over analysing Isn't the best way.
It doesn't work for everyone but has for us
❤️

Thanks all for the good wishes

Felt more positive yesterday

We had a chat today and he seems very doubtful it will work but will give it a go.

We go on holiday for a few days tmrw I feel very insecure about the whole thing tbh.

I also got quite emotional which I just couldn't help.

I said I would address my side of all this but he said he's been unhappy for a long time.

Try not to feel insecure...feeling confident will show the best version of you and make him feel stronger too. Fake it till you make it! You can do this!

Have a good holiday!

Thanks

I'm trying Bio, have to make the best of it it's Dd little holiday and let's face it, two weeks ago he couldn't even look at me so at least it's more pleasant for her.

He hugged me last night after they were laughing at something I'd burnt for supper, his softer and usual side does come out and when it does I like it.

Thats nice. You both sound kind and gentle. Here’s hoping you can all laugh together through the holiday and afterwards too

Hope it has all gone well @MarthasGinYard .

Please update Martha when you can. I've been following this thread and my initial instinct is he is hiding something from you. I don't know what, could be something he's done or feels. You seem to be blocking the reason why this all happened. His reaction was not normal, for whatever reason, if he truly loved you it wouldn't be an issue. Keep that in mind. I feel your pain and I hope this has a happy ending. 🌷