Devastated

[MarthasGinYard]

Have had an up and down relationship with a good DP for almost 12 years. I would say last 12 months much stronger.

Very Early worries of trust have always made me a tiny bit suspicious, but hand on heart nothing has ever really happened.

I found something the other night which didn't quite add up. My anxiety made me have a search through his things which is something I haven't done in years. When he came in from work, I asked him to just explain and he did completely. Felt much better but forgot to admit I'd had a dig around. He found I'd looked through his drawer. He went absolutely mad and I was honest and told him I'd had a snoop and reasons why and apologised.

He wants to call it a day says he's not happy. He can barely look at me. I feel terrible. I don't want my little family to split up. I've begged him to change his mind. We've been through similar once before. He says I've pushed him away and will never trust him. I actually do. I love him very much. probably haven't shown it enough. I've taken him for grafted and we are in a bit of a rut I guess.

Just need a hand hold through this. I have work today a long shift where have to be smiling and on the ball and don't know how I'll get through it. Haven't slept a wink. Please try to be gentle.

I'm in my 40's and I feel so vulnerable and worried about the future. I'd literally do anything to try and make things better. I think it might be too late.

If you have got this far

Thank you

I replied to something the other day without reading the whole thread.

Doh! Annoying when it happens and Op has updated many times.

I will no doubt do it again when I am in a rush .

I'm sorry OP, but I'm with the others who think that he is hiding something.

This is not a normal reaction to the events you describe. Unless you are not giving us the full story & you are generally mistrusting of him & he knows it.

For example only last week I raked through my husbands drawer for a bandana DD wanted to borrow & came across condoms at the back of his drawer. & we are way past needing them I didn't think anything of it as I know he's such a hoarder & took the Micky out of him for not throwing them away.

Late night reading on here had me go back & check the date on them, not expecting anything untoward, which was exactly what I found. I couldn't close the drawer properly & left it as I might have woken him up trying.

What was DHs reaction when I explained why his drawer was hanging open. He thought it was hilarious & then was really concerned that I might even think of him in that way & feel insecure I wasn't. So he tried to reassure me. Not get angry & fly off as yours has done. I'm sorry but if you are usually trusting & not the jealous type, that is a huge red flag

You ok @MarthasGinYard ??

ClareIsland OP has explained time and again and has told you in her last post. It's really unfair of you to harp on and on, demanding details. It's not your business and OP doesn't owe anybody here an explanation.

Honestly, you (and the others) sound like grief vampires, wanting/hoping for, gory details. Urgh.

Yeah, everything here screams OW, right down to the occasional texts keeping you on the line in case it doesn't work. I bet you guys end up staying together. Just an intuition.

CLOSED

Closed?

Ffs at thr people going on about another woman and asking personal questions.

What the hell is wrong with some people?

Totally agree @Bluntness100 it's just cruel. Whether he is or isn't is totally irrelevant to the issue at hand - which is OP needing support

Hope you’re ok @MarthasGinYard

How you doing Martha? It's a tough gig but you will get through it.

I have deleted my post as I did not intend to cause offence. I just don’t understand how someone is searching for evidence of OW but is so insistent there isn’t one?

Claire its fine to say you don't understand that but insisting there is one, and asking if he has erectile dysfunction is really appalling and intrusive.

I have never once insisted there is an OW. The OP states that she has repeatedly explained why she knows there isn’t one. But she hasn’t explained at all how she knows that. If she doesn’t want to share why then of course that is of course her prerogative. ED is a common health issue with of men this age, nothing to be ashamed of.

ED

Where the fuck has that one now drifted in from?

WTAF

Not engaging with that

Thanks enormously to some wonderful posters on here.

I really, really mean that

I may start another thread in future to tackle the practicalities.

Think I will name change though

For fear of being hounded by an odd influx of hip shooters.

ClareIsland, you're posting like an absolute twat. Leave off will you? FFS.

Marthas, you're a long-standing poster. Don't feel you need to have to name-change because of a few thickwitted posters who are rubbing their thighs at the first sign of misery. This is your thread, try to ignore them and maybe they'll go away.

I agree with @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. I've followed your thread from the beginning and really feel for you. Please don't let a few ignorant posters put you off coming here for support.

You will get through this Martha, lots of positive thoughts for you and DD

@MarthasGinYard Don't blame you! But how are things doing? Please don't push all of us away because of a few virtue signallers. May I pm you? X

Ever

Of course

Thank you

Hi sorry i have come in very late here . Im sorry for what has happened i wouldnt beat urself up over what u did. If it is over then can i advise that as u have a child under 16 u ha e every right to stay in the house until they are 18 if he wants out he unfortunately has to be the one to go . No solicitor would make u move out. I went to a solicitor and found this information out . Hope it helps. U used to get a free hr with a solicitor not sure if u still go. Good luck xx

@MarthasGinYard Have just PM'd you x

How are you holding up Martha? Hope this last week has been kind to you

Good

After 2 weeks of hell things are now calmer. He was away until Thursday, We haven't spoken about it all yet but I think we might stand a chance.

I'm very relieved but still a little shaken by it all.