Hi Op
I understand your DH knows about your past abuse, but have you explicitly told him that what he’s doing makes you uncomfortable? He may not make the connection. He may think as you’re married and I assume sexually involved, you’ve consented to intimacy with him.
You see, my husband touches me during sleep. Sometimes I sense he’s awake and horny, sometimes he’s still snoring. Either way, I like it. I like the intimacy and I often will allow it to lead to more. Sometimes I fondle him during the night, I don’t ask for his permission first, and I’d never have seen myself as ‘abusing him’.
So, firstly if you haven’t already, I’d explain that it makes you uncomfortable due to your history. See whether this makes a difference.
If he really is doing it whilst asleep, if you love him and he’s decent in all other ways, could you consider separate beds?
If he ignores you and does it regardless, then yes, I agree you have a respect problem.
It really does depend on whether he knows it upsets you and whether he then stops.
I wouldn’t just label it abuse. It’s how some couples roll.