Vasya we are talking about grown people sharing a bed. Consent is implied unless otherwise stated.
I truly cannot even begin to describe how wrong you are about this. These are exactly the excuses rapists and abusers use.
Consent can never be assumed. The default position is not 'she wants it unless she explicitly said no'. The default position is 'she doesn't want it unless she has said yes.'
Do you not see how dangerous your version is? Do you not see how men will use it as an excuse to do whatever they like, because they weren't told no first?
Sharing a bed does not equal consent. How can you say it does?? The act of sharing a bed and any number of sex acts a person could choose to perform are so different from one another, how could agreeing to one possibly be the same as agreeing to the rest?
Your language is so aggressive and incomprehensible to me. Rape apologists? That's an abhorrent term. I judge every situation for what it is.
Rape apologist is the term you use for people whose attitudes justify rape and sexual abuse. That is what's happening when you say things like 'sharing a bed implies consent'. You are on the side of rapists and abusers. You are making excuses for them.
Your views are abhorrent to me. I will use the term that fits them.
I would never make excuses for bad behaviour
And yet you have - by making excuses for OP's husband, who has behaved in an abusive way which causes distress to the OP.
but I also think the tone of this thread isn't helpful.
I agree, but I think the unhelpful posters are the ones telling OP that she has no right to be upset at her husband for touching her without consent because she agreed to share a bed with him / because she's married to him / because she didn't anticipate the manner in which he would abuse her and forbid it in advance.
Telling the OP he is a rapist and an abuser? To leave him? Dear God the world we live in.
What world do you want to live in? A world where women don't get the opportunity to refuse sex acts if they've agreed to share a bed with someone? A world where men can abuse their wives and strangers on the internet tell those wives just to put up with it because it's their fault for not being clear enough? A world where a woman thinks her husband can't abuse her because she is married to him? A world where men feel empowered to rape and abuse because people like you will say 'it's ok, he didn't know she didn't want it. He can just apologise and it will be fine.'
Is that the world you want?