Ex wants me to leave DP

[Boysbeforeflowers]

New to this, and this might be long, sorry.

When I was 17, I had a short fling with a 15 year old boy that resulted in me getting pregnant with twin boys. I was young and stupid (I know) and did lots of dumb stuff, but when I told the father a year after their birth, he wanted to be their dad and asked to be part of their lives. Ex loves the boys, who are now 13. Ex came into a sizeable inheritance when he was 18, and he used part of it to buy the twins and me a house. He is now married and has 4 DC with his wife. I have the boys Monday evening until Friday morning, and during half of the holidays.

Two years ago I met my DP. He moved in to my house a while ago, but he's recently mentioned he'd like me to move out and buy a house with him. This is a bit of a point of contention, but I digress. I love DP, but I'm not sure the boys like him, and I feel that they have been manipulating their father into getting me to try break things off with me.

Last time we spoke ex said DP sounded 'controlling' and wondered whether the relationship was a good one. He got quite annoyed when he found out DP wanted me to move, and we've had a few arguments about this. According to him it's all about the kids, but I feel like he's trying to tell me what to do and it's making me resent him!

Last night it all came to a head and I'm so angry and upset Twins are on holiday with their father atm and he called yesterday, screaming down the telephone that I need to leave my 'excuse of a man DP' as he's fucking with my kids heads. One of my twins has told us recently that he thinks he might be gay, and he's told his father that DP has been calling him derogatory names when I'm not around. Now apparently I am to be a horrible mother if I don't leave him. We had a blazing row over the phone, and eventually I just hung up on him and cried. DP is visiting family so isn't home, and I don't know whether to believe what my son has said. He's nearly 14 and hasn't been keen on me having a partner from the start, so part of me is worried that he's trying to drive a wedge between everyone. I just don't know what I should be doing. I want to call DP, but I'm just not in a good place right now, and I feel there's nobody on my side. My DC are my everything, but I feel so alone right now and I'm wishing I'd never gotten pregnant, as my life has been so bloody complicated since then. And now I just feel awful sad I know DP is about to propose as well, so there's all these things and they're overwhelming me and I don't know what I should be doing. I feel like my ex has it all figured out and I am just eternally being punished for being young and stupid that one time.

Sorry if that was long, it's hard to explain my situation and I'm finding things difficult to process atm.

Nasty bastard

How did he get it??

He asked if he could take some of his stuff, was crying on the phone so helped him pack some things. Then just started arguing, ripped console out of TV and left. I doubt it even works now with the way he grabbed it.

How nasty - you are well rid

OP you're seeing his true colours, he's leeched off you for I don't know how long and taken advantage. He's tried to get your kids out of the way and when that didn't work started becoming verbally abusive towards them when you're not around.

He's not the man you need, your ex and his wife sound like lovely people who care about you as much as the boys, let them support you where they can. Go kayaking with his wife, do things for yourself. Just don't let that arsehole back over the doorstep (and change the locks)

I assume he didn't give you your half of the savings?

What a cruel immature man. I can't believe he took the boys game console.

Because he thought by crying and asking for stuff you’d change your mind, and he got angry when you didn’t snap back into line. What a prick.

If that was a joint present he owes you money for it though I doubt you’d see a penny!

He was crying.
Oh dear
Beginning to feel a bit sorry for him now.
Maybe time to keep your distance now so you can both heal.
Break up are so very hard even when it's for the best.
Forget the console - that can be replaced.
It was done in anger cos he's hurting.

I don't feel one bit sorry for him. No! He's a grown man and is only thinking of himself.

The Op is tying herself in knots trying to keep EVERYONE happy (including herself, which is perfectly fine). She can cry.

Fucking arsehole.

@Robin2323 why would you feel sorry for the twatty partner? He's upset because he lost his easy ride

I find it interesting that he deliberately took something that he knew would upset the boys. He is a nasty piece of work.

I know it's a struggle now, but try to see the positive. You found out and got rid before you crossed a line of moving you and your dc into his house (and it sounds like it would have been his whether you put money in or not). That's a massive positive, and no matter how hurt you feel now, it will be worth it to have avoided the hurt that would have been so much worse in 2,5,10 years time.

I know you feel lonely and without a support network, but it sounds like you might have a small network growing in your ex and his wife. Just a half hour chat over a coffee with her might give you the sigh of relief you need.

Good luck

Oh gawd,good riddance. Please change the locks, he is showing all the signs this is not over.

The Xbox... bastard, that shows how little he cared about them. I woukdn’t be surprised if he has spent a lot of time trying to manipulate you into thinking your children are a problem.

Change the locks, get a chain for the door. As soon as he realises you are not making a u turn after his anger and “upset” he can get worse.

Keep safe and keep your children safe.

Surely ex can cope with six children on his own for a few days
🤣🤣🤣
She sounds like a lovely person...but I understand the weirdness of being too close to your Ex's wife.

I think I'd also feel weird (if I were your Ex) and the fathers of two of my kids became super pally.

Him taking the console is ridiculous. What an idiot. So juvenile.

Thank God you found out what he's really like before buying a house together or getting married.

He's a pretty, jealous, insecure and deceptive man.

This is a lucky escape for you.

Change the locks and tell him to stay away.

Now is the time to stay strong OP. He will try to manipulate you into taking him back, but he has shown his true colours hasn’t he?
Stay strong for your DC, and yes, keep Ex and his DW close, they want what’s best for your two boys too.
You had a kicking on this thread initially and fair play to you for staying on here, I think it’s helped you evaluate things ( even if you didn’t know they needed to be).
Good luck x

I think it’s great that you didn’t let your desire for a long term relationship prevent you from seeing what was really going on. I hope you meet a nice supportive man soon.

How are you Op?

Thank you everyone who has listened to me vent and helped me through this. I thought I'd update everyone as the holidays are over and the boys are back at school. Ex-Dp has now taken all his stuff and I've bought DS' a new console for their birthday. I argued with ex-DP for a while about stuff, but then I just got really disheartened and let him take quite a bit of my furniture in the hope he would leave. He's still messaging regularly, and I don't have the heart to block his number.

The boys are still moody and dramatic teens, but nothing out of the ordinary. I did get both of them locks for their rooms as I don't really see the problem, and DS1 (straight) has been relishing in his new 'grown up' status.

Turns out that DS1 is in love , which I found out on our holiday. It's all very innocent and cute, though I'm a bit bummed that my 14 year old son is having more success in the dating department than I am. There's a guy I play squash with who is very charming, and maybe the fact that I'm noticing that is a hopeful sign!

DS' father is actually going to make an attempt to have all six children this weekend, as the wife and I are going on a spa trip! DS2 has promised to 'help', but we'll see how that goes. Plodding along, but if anyone has any advice on how to tell ex to stop texting without me having to block him that would be great. We had some joint money, so I still need to be able to have a civilised conversation.

What do you mean you HAD some joint money?
Is it in a savings account?
Considering her stole your DS Christmas presents and your furniture, I'd not give him anything back.
PLEASE block him.
This is not doing you or your mental health any good.
Stop 'people pleasing'
You owe him nothing.
He's an abusive, homophobic, cocklodging, weasel!
Please start realising your worth.

Also contact Womens Aid and enrol on their Freedom Programme.
You missed a huge amount of red flags with your ExP.
You need to understand abuse, boundaries, and how to spot red flags and how to react to them.

Keep the money and block the nasty SOB!

Wow. For your gay son that was probably a major crossroads for him in how secure, accepted and loved he feels.

He would never have forgotten the betrayal if you'd minimised the idiot's comment. Likewise he'll never forget that you stood up for him when he needed it.

Well done :)