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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread for 20 and 30 something's with no children

202 replies

Tiddlybups · 28/07/2019 21:59

Hello

Just wondered if anyone is interested in joining a dating chat thread for slightly younger people with no children?

OP posts:
youareyou143 · 29/08/2019 22:39

@AimeeFrank that's awful, what a waste of your time. I do wonder who is behind these on line profiles Confused
I had something similar, went to meet a guy and he kept changing the place and time, basically giving me the run around London, all the time sending me selfies of himself in the bath Hmm in the end I never went to meet him after hanging round at work for an extra hour.

Tiddlybups · 29/08/2019 22:47

@youareyou143

Oh plenty of weirdos Grin

I think the thing is by definition, the people who are MOST active on OD as time goes on tend to be a bit odd?

I mean if you’re normally attractive you’ll meet a few people you get on with quite regularly and mutually want second meets. So unless you’re unemployed with too much time on your hands you’re probably going to step back from OD for a bit.

Then there’s the types who are such weirdos they can’t get any message replies or put others off just by messaging. So you won’t actually meet them IRL.

So the people most active who you’re most likely to meet are the desperate ones who come across as ok so people agree to a first meet but have really weird personality traits/look nothing like their photos. Or those who like attention and are juggling lots of dates.

So OD has a higher rate of players/strange dates than meeting through friends etc.

I haven’t had any complete lunatics recently (been on a break before this year to work on career) but more just a sense of “fucking hell this is depressing?” with some guy who is completely different from his OD profile or a bit awkward/weird?

Many years ago I had someone hiding watching me to check what I looked like before meeting (he came out ShockGrin so clearly I passed the test but was really racist and awkward so I left early).

Also there were just the blatantly rude ones - they’re already in the place with their own drink and don’t say anything when you get in just stare (after being all enthusiastic to meet online). Then indicate they want to meet again and it’s like ......WTF????

On a more serious note. Someone , I mentioned earlier who I was briefly in contact with on POF but who I got odd vibes from and who was lying about his job etc? So I cancelled meeting.

I did another random google search for him later on as he kept sending me messages (nothing major I just ignored) and he’d actually been cautioned for harassing an ex (and think about how much proveable harassment that must have been to end up in court with a conviction Shock)

So be careful with the initial little red flags - what can come across as “odd” behaviour or someone being “slightly” pushy/creepy which we overlook and think it’s a funny story for our mates or MN can escalate.

OP posts:
youareyou143 · 29/08/2019 23:05

@Tiddlybups** when you meet someone irl you generally get a sense about someone and they are usually with friends and can hold a conversation. OD it's just down to luck. I do tend to just un match if something doesn't seem right.

youareyou143 · 29/08/2019 23:10

@Tiddlybups hate the rude guys. One guy kept rolling his eyes at me and tutting.

Oohh that's scary, I'm glad you cancelled but I guess guys like they are good at the 'sweet talk' to reel you in.

fairycakesandtea7 · 01/09/2019 13:07

Hey everyone!
Wow about the bloke leaving his DS in the car!!
Done my exam. Planning to meet up with Mr Tall again in the next week. Had a date with Mr Fade yesterday. No connection, no chemistry. Gorgeous though. I have 2 dates planned with blokes OL and one date planned with someone IRL...

HarrietOh · 01/09/2019 14:38

I’m now 2 months in with current guy I’m dating. Still keep expecting him to disappear and trying to not let myself like him too much. But he seems lovely and we’ve had some great dates so I am quite smitten.

youareyou143 · 01/09/2019 19:03

Always annoying when they are good looking but no chemistry. Good luck with the future dates.
I text Mr. Workguy breezily about going for a drink - no reply! Then saw on Instagram he's in Asia. Now watching stalking his Insta stories.
Two months is a good sign that you like each other. I guess you have to let your guard down and go with what feels right.

Jennifer2r · 01/09/2019 19:08

Can I ask for your help. Ive been on just two dates with someone although lots of texting. We have a lot in common. We did kiss. But I find him a bit full on.

I want to text to say thank you but no thank you. He's just texted to say that he loves spending time with me and really looking forward to seeing me again.

Can you draft me a pleasant reply thta let's him down gently, I'm really stuck. Main reasons for the finish are thta he's clearly still hung up on ex wife and he's a bit full on.

Tiddlybups · 01/09/2019 19:40

Jennifer

“Hi X. It’s been lovely getting to know you you’re a “real gentleman/a really cool guy/awesome company”. However, I’m not feeling that romantic spark so feel we shouldn’t continue meeting and communicating. Thank you for your time and company and all the best for the future.”

Basically say something nice about him, then let him know you don’t want to see or communicate again then close.

If the guy is normal/polite he’ll send one nice bland message back.

You may get nothing back which is less polite but “job done”

If he starts wanting a discussion or further explanation I’d actually just block as you don’t need to give someone massive explanations after two dates so he’s being pushy.

OP posts:
Tiddlybups · 01/09/2019 19:51

Bit of a break here as I have big work thing then another hol HaloGin but enjoying reading everyone’s updates x

OP posts:
Jennifer2r · 01/09/2019 22:34

Thanks you so much @tiddlybups

I knew that was the right kind of thing to say but sometimes words are hard aren't they.

I feel sad for him actually.

AimeeFrank · 02/09/2019 06:03

@Jennifer2r I had something similar with a guy we’ve been calling Mr Army. Sometimes being too full on is as bad as it giving a shit. Need a happy medium.
Did you get a reply?
Xx

AimeeFrank · 02/09/2019 06:05

@HarrietOh really pleased for you hun ❤️❤️❤️❤️

AimeeFrank · 02/09/2019 06:06

@fairycakesandtea7 how exciting about your dates! Shame about Mr Fade tho. Let us know how the dates go xxx

Jennifer2r · 02/09/2019 10:13

I don't know aimee I didn't send it yet. I'm procrastinating. Is it OK to send it now while he's probably at work?

I'm over thinking this aren't I.

AimeeFrank · 02/09/2019 17:57

@Jennifer2r evening lovely.. did you send your message? If I’d seen this eArlier I would have said most definitely send it whilst he’s at work.. he can’t make a scene then! Xx

Jennifer2r · 03/09/2019 15:11

Yes I sent it. He asked why and I said vaguely that I think we want different things. And he hasn't replied. So thats OK I guess.

Tiddlybups · 03/09/2019 17:57

@Jennifer2r

Well done it's like ripping off a plaster or going to the gym - it's a bit uncomfortable but once it's done it's done ! Kinder than leaving him hanging and just drifting away \ghosting him - means he can get out and meet others.

OP posts:
youareyou143 · 03/09/2019 19:41

At least you both have closure and can move on.

Does anyone else google their dates? I have a potential date and have got his surname from his Snapchat username. It's quite an unusual surname so I have easily found out info about him and his work business but I feel quite guilty about it BlushEven a photo from when he was a swimming champion at school and made the local newspapers Grin

fairycakesandtea7 · 04/09/2019 08:50

@jennifer well done for sending the text.
So, I have an update! Went on a date with a new guy I shall name Mr Shoes as he had great shoes. Loads of chemistry, laughter, swapping stories and he wants to see me again!
Not sure what to text Mr Fade, so I may use a similar template to the one posted above!

Jennifer2r · 04/09/2019 09:26

fairycakesandtea7

Thats really exciting! I love a well dressed man. I think im going to take a bit of a break from dating. I'm exhausted.

Jennifer2r · 04/09/2019 09:27

Yes I google my dates. To make sure they are who they say.

youareyou143 · 04/09/2019 20:19

Well that date I was meant to go on has said his situation is 'complicated' meaning he is living with his wife and kids, the wife cheated but he wants to find out 'what is out there' to decide whether to leave! WTF

AimeeFrank · 04/09/2019 20:42

@youareyou143 WTAF?!!! What a douche.
Sounds like he’s actually the problem not his wife!
You dodged a bullet there girl ❤️❤️

AimeeFrank · 04/09/2019 20:43

@Jennifer2r I feel you Hun... it’s exhausting.
I also like a well dressed man.. and he has to have good shoes. One of the dates I had with Mr Army he wore these hideous posh boy brown brogue things. So not my vibe. I think that was the nail in the coffin for him and I 🤣