Dating thread for 20 and 30 something's with no children

[Tiddlybups]

Hello

Just wondered if anyone is interested in joining a dating chat thread for slightly younger people with no children?

Hope it's okay if I join. I'm in my 20s with no children but the man I'm seeing/dating (don't know what to call it) is in his 30s with 2 children. I have seen him 6 times in nearly 2 months with 5 of them being overnight visits. It's difficult to see him as he sees his children pretty much every weekend and he is in the army so is based 130ish miles away from me. He video calls me every day at least once just to chat (I think that's a good thing)

Aimee That doesn't sound too far away! Meeting in the middle sounds like a plan. I really do know what you mean about caution. This chap I'm seeing stayed the night this week, which is nice, but then I start getting all paranoid when actually I'm just being ridiculous.

I haven't had an official official relationship since 2015, and I had a weird on-off not official but met his family relationship in 2016, but the mess from that continued into early 2018 which was ridiculous (him keeping wanting to rekindle things). Then had a casual fling but that chap ended it because he couldn't see it going anywhere. (I had kind of thought that was the point of casual!) So I don't feel like I'm very good at judging how things are going really which doesn't help.

I hope tomorrow goes well - keep us posted!

Dancer Hello! Very welcome to join. Daily video chatting sounds very dedicated! I don't think I'm in the house often enough for that! It must be hard to balance if he's a long way away.

@nacreous it can be a bit hard to balance. It's my first time dating a guy in the army and with children so it's all a learning curve. He mentioned seeing if he has a weekend free so we can spend some quality time together but I feel guilty that he wouldn't see his children that weekend but I know he wouldn't say it if he wasn't serious about it. There is something special about him that just puts me at peace when I'm talking to him or with him. I'd love it if I could see him more but we are making it work for us.

Morning guys!!
So date with the Major last night. Oh my god he was so lovely.... we had lots to chat about, said he wanted to see me again.. so we agreed on a day.. we’re both really busy (even though I’m on school holidays I seem to fill my time!!)
He is tall.. dresses well, really intelligent and funny. I’m not convinced that he’s over his wife.. and I get that as we’re both in similar situations.
I realised though how much I’ve put my STBEXH on a pedestal.. that he was the most amazing man.. this/that etc, going out on dates has shown me that actually other decent men do exist.. and that they have lots to offer. Maybe more so than my ex.. and that’s been a year of emotional turmoil to get me to this point!!!
How’s everyone’s week been? Xxxxx

Aimee sounds great! Very glad you’ve had a good date and a bit of chemistry, military/ex military guys can be rather dashing indeed .

It’s a really good point you’ve made about not getting too hung up on one man - I think it’s called “oneitis” where it’s easy to meet one person with chemistry or a spark, then be convinced that there isn’t anyone else decent out there (especially with the high rate of online dating oddballs and loonies ).

Ahh thanks @Tiddlybups ❤️ Well.. slight development in that we both wanted to meet earlier than week after next so we’re going out on Monday evening in Winchester to some posh wine bar and I’m still enjoying the not over messaging vibe. A couple of flirty messages have been sent but I honestly get the impression he’s an actual decent gentleman which is just wonderful really. Can’t insgine he’ll send me any dick pics 🤣 x

Oh I love Winchester very posh for a date

Communicating a little bit less also sounds good - I’m not home yet but I’m not going to really stress about organising or sending flirty messages to my two prospects.

Might consider doing a “Hi I’m back in town” message but just a one-off factual thing, not an organising one.

Dancer welcome! Glad you’ve met someone nice and got that connection

I think the “dating/seeing someone” definition is quite a good one, I don’t really like calling someone boyfriend or partner until some time in - I’m preferring having the “low key let’s see if this is enjoyable and practical for now” approach.

Aimee How was this evening?

Sounds like you have a good perspective Tiddly, avoids over investing as well. When are you back?

Seen this chap 5x now, and I think I'm quite keen on him. No chance of seeing him again till the bank holiday Monday and he was very quiet over the weekend but he was off very rurally so I'm choosing to believe the signal wasn't great. Don't think I'm up for seeing multiple people at a time as it does my brain in, so just going to see where this goes for now.

Hi I mainly used pof and match.
Been online dating for years..
Kinda scary as you get older it gets harder to even date one person for more than 1 date.
I don't want a serious relationship straight away but I know I don't want casual time wasters either.
I kind of feel it's the same old people everyone time I log on.
I know I'm just average and private and shy but I'm not a complete weirdo!
It's a real struggle to meet new people.

Hey unique welcome! Post if you need to share or ask anything we’re all in the same boat.

Still away nacreous, back on Thursday hopefully very tanned and toned from kayaking mainly stayed off the drink so in good shape Like you I’m just being patient for now and seeing what unfolds.

Guy who I’ve not really got intimate with is whatsapping me a fair bit in a chatty fashion and had suggested he gives me a tour of a work thing when I’m back.

Guy I’ve spent a couple of nights with has been quieter - replied to my WhatsApp with a generic update on his flat move progress and asking after me (he’s not really a “daily WhatsApp” person before so it’s not really like contact is tailing off).

I’d be happy enough just romantically sticking with him for the next month really as he’s good in bed, kind, we get on well (I’m quite a homebody at heart and like the idea of just chilling at his with a takeaway )

But I get the vibe he’s at a bit of a “crossroads” in life plus he’s in a position where he’s just started OD and is a “good catch” so may be like a kid in a candy shop right now with women going “oh, you’re a single guy with no kids and X job....come over to mine..”

So I’m taking it easy there really no big expectations ( but I admit I’d be sad if he ghosted?)

Roll up for the chilled out “Zen” dating corner here!!!!!

@unique1986 Do you pay to use Match? Is is much different from POF? I have only used the free sites which are guys looking for hook ups. I seem to attract the same guys on line as I do in bars

Hi everyone!
Sorry for the silence.
Need some advice. I’ve seen the army guy three times now. And I’m really not interested. I’ve tried to be.. he’s good looking and very nice but there is nothing there. For me anyway. He’s made it very clear he’s interested. I’ve not wanted to hold his hand or kiss him or anything. This sounds mean, but he’s a bit cringey. What do I do??!?

Welcome @unique1986 ❤️

And I hope everyone is ok 😘

@AimeeFrank I always think it's best to be honest. I would rather a guy do that to me rather than the 'slow fade' or 'ghosting' If you're really not feeling it then send a text along the lines of 'It's been nice getting to know you but I don't see this going anywhere'

Aimee I agree. Just a brief text "Hello X, it was lovely seeing you on Y day. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and it's been a pleasure meeting you but I don't quite feel that romantic connection so don't feel we should continue meeting . All the best for the future ."

For an example of how NOT to do it, the guy I've spent a couple nights with ? ( fun and I did like him but hardly the long term relationship of the century ) met over coffee to explain that he wasn't in the right place for starting something new (which I had a hunch anyway ) and it was SO cringe

I expect it was due to being quite inexperienced at dating and feeling he ought to "explain face to face " but it was just a bit "too much" .... I mean we met OD, I'm arranging meets with another man , we haven't had any exclusivity chat, and it was like trying to come up with polite platitudes whilst thinking "this could have been said in a polite three line text and I could be mumsnetting in my pyjamas "

drama llama drama llama

We did the whole "must meet as friends some time " but I actually blocked him on all fronts straight away when I got home as I didn't want to have to cope with angsty messages down the line ?

I quite like my life and although on previous dates he was really fine (maybe downing a lot of cocktails relaxed us both a bit ) I don't want to be coping with adding a stressed out man in the middle of a divorce to my social life

Oh god @Tiddlybups!!! Sounds so cringe!!! You’re so right.. could all be done in 3 lines in a text.

Well, I kinda bottled it.. but I did message Mr Army saying I couldn’t meet him tonight because something had come up. He was fine with that (which made me feel terrible) but I’ve bought myself some time hahah to just politely let him know I’m not interested. I’ve not heard from him today and I’ve not messaged him either.
I’m already fed up with OD.. I’ve paused tinder and taken bumble off my phone. Just feel so done with it. I want to meet someone but I just can’t see it happening
Xxx

Thanks @youareyou143 for the advice as well ❤️

@Tiddlybups have also taken a screenshot of your message hahaha as and when I need them

I have taken a break too. Just chatting to one guy on Tinder, I took the Initiative and gave him my number but he still messages on Tinder.

I met a guy at my work at the Xmas party we had lots of chemistry ended up going on three dates (one back at mine) but he's very flakey and last minute. It's really hard to forget him as I keep bumping into him at work. He's quite a bit younger than me so I knew it wasn't going to be serious.

Last date I went on, I had know him from my clubbing days, now a boring dad of one. We arranged to see each other again and had a kiss but a few days later I got an in-depth text (essay) saying he's not interested.

@AimeeFrank @Tiddlybups anyone got any funny stories from dating?
I went on a date with one guy but he said he couldn't stay long as his 8 year old son was waiting in the car

@youareyou143 well, I’m not sure if it’s funny.. more I look back on it and think JESUS... I matched with the guy on tinder when I first joined earlier in the year... seemed nice, had kids.. good looking. Very keen to meet up. I said I’d been married and now going through a divorce. He wanted to see a picture of me in my dress. I said no way. (I thought then.. weirdo). But we arranged to meet up.. between the time we started talking online to evening we were supposed to meet I’d had a naked selfie which I ignored. Anyway to cut a long story short.. I messaged him when I was on my way to the train station (he lived near Chichester) saying I was getting the 7 pm train. Didn’t hear from him.. until about 40 mins later and he said something a long the lines or ‘oh u didn’t think we were meeting’ by which time I was on my way!!! I said I’d be in Chichester at half 7 and I was waiting an HOUR before I gave up.. and was repeatedly ignored!! He messaged me two days later saying ‘hey! Wyu2?’ Blocked him after that. It nearly put me off dating and I cried all the way home and in bed!!’

@youareyou143 HILARIOUS that his son was in the car.. you’d think he would have arranged CC for an hour?!!