How do you forgive your boyfriend for not proposing?

[Lostromantic]

Hi all, I need help and I'm not sure what to do. And this story will likely go back to why buy the cow when the milk is free I know it. - so I've been with my boyfriend for five years and no ring. (Sigh) I made it very clear this was something I wanted from day one. I took the route of not nagging him but I would bring it up once a year or so. We moved in together after a year, bought a house, and have a ten month old baby. All along the way I've still made him aware it was something I wanted. For fucks sake I even bought the wedding bands a few years back. He all the time has stated he wanted it too. But after bringing it up I let it go because I still wanted to be surprised and have all the thrills and scary stuff that comes with an engagement. Btw I'm 35 and he will be 37 this year. We are not babies. So on Monday I finally lost it, I told him after five years if he wanted to marry me he would've by now and he hasn't and that breaks my heart. I wish it were different but it's time we separate. Of course he says he is sorry and wish he could change it, BUT is it too late to have that special feeling? Am I dumb if I believe him? How do you forget and forgive him for not making you a priority in his life. Why couldn't he just ask on his own? Are men really that lazy with marriage proposal when they truly love someone? Is this forcing him to marry me? Ugh should I just stick to my guns and leave? We do love each other.

What’s stopping you proposing?

because I still wanted to be surprised and have all the thrills and scary stuff that comes with an engagement.

dh and I agreed together to get married. There were no surprises, no thrills and scary stuff. No romantic proposal. It was still brilliant.

Honestly, before you dump the father of your child whom you love and who loves you ask yourself what you are looking for??

Do you want a romantic proposal? Is it worth dumping him if he hasn't done that? Does that really mean that you aren't a priority in his life? Only you know.

Do you want to be married? Does he want to? Does he agree to marry you because it is important to you?

Have you asked him? As in to marry you?

What are his thoughts on marriage?

I’d suggest you calmly speak to him again and let him know it’s important to you. And suggest a simple registry office wedding. No frills. See what he says.

Usually on these threads it’s all about him not wanting the big party etc.

It is the financial security that you want? Otherwise a house and a baby is way more commitment than a piece of paper.

How ridiculous. You don't get married for thrills and scary stuff and special feelings. That seems quite childish to me.

If you're that bothered, propose to him; we're not living in the 18th century. If he says no, then you need to decide if you want to break apart your family for that. If he says yes, happy days.

I wish it were different but it's time we separate
Correct. Now do it.
And next time, don't move in without marriage and clear understanding that it comes before children.
Don't propose, don't marry this one. If he'd wanted to marry you, he would have done it by now.

Are men really that lazy with marriage proposal when they truly love someone?

No. He doesn’t want to marry you. He’s had five years where you told him you wanted to get married and he didn’t ask.

I’m not sure how you’ve let it get this far.

1. If a man wants to marry you, he will.

1. It's 2019, you can propose.

1. It doesn't sound important for your partner, do you know why? Has he been married before?

1. Buying a house and having a baby are HUGE commitments, do you need to be married? Have you protected yourself financially?

1. Is it the thought of a big fancy wedding, all the attention, cost and faff putting him off? Would you both be happy with a small ceremony?

Hugs to you, you sound at the end of your tether.

Sorry I can't be sympathetic really here.

You are both in your 30s, with a baby. Clearly you have made a commitment to each other.

If you want to be married, you talk to him properly, like an adult. Say what you want. Let him do the same.

You don't need to be histrionic about 'proposing' - you can propose too!

If you feel your DP isn't committed to you in the long-term (which you don't indicate) then that's an issue.

Talk to him. About what you want. Like a grown-up.

So you're desperate for him to propose as you want marriage?

But you're willing to leave him as there'll be no thrill in the proposal now?

It sounds like having an amazing proposal is more important to you than the actual relationship. If that's the case then no, you shouldn't be together.

all the thrills and scary stuff that comes with an engagement

What are these?

For all these people saying he would have married you by now, what piffle! I was with my DH 17 years before we got married. Admittedly engaged for 5 because neither of us could be arsed organising a wedding.

Does he actually WANT to get married? Has he said he does or is he now saying marriage isn't for him?

Were you telling him every year that you really wanted to get married level?

Give how easily men can walk away and pay nothing for their child I don't see a baby as a true commitment these days.

For some.

If you own a house and have a child together, you do not need a proposal. You need an adult conversation about whether you're going to get married. Have you asked him why he hasn't proposed? Does he have a reason for not wanting to marry?

A proposal is for a whirlwind romance, not two adults who already share finances and offspring. It's a legal document.

@purpledasies no, but he wanted to get married. Eventually I asked him. Luckily he didn't freak out and dump me because of it.

Hahah OP I could have wrote this post.

5 years together, DP says he will propose one day. He took me to get my ring finger sized up a couple of years ago.. still nothing.

My mum hinted a few months ago to him while ag a meal that it would be pretty lovely to propose when we go to Disneyland (we go in August) and DP said he thought that was a cool idea but shrugged it off and said it will happen when it happens..

Now I have it half in my head that it might happen at Disney.. I'm going to be all excited wondering if it will happen then, there or now.. right up until the ferry rocks back in Portsmouth then I'll be sorely disappointed when I get off the ferry with a bare finger. It's all my fault, I've wound myself up by thinking it could happen even though he pretty much said that wont happen and it will happen when it happens..

5 years together, bought our first house 18 months ago, have a baby on the way.

I feel like hes just not the type that's bothered about marriage. Which eachntk their own but I'd love that official commitment and sparkly finger garter

To answer a few questions- I am financially secure- House is in my name only. I work and support myself very well. He helps with the rest of the bills and we live comfortably together.

He has been married- girl cheated and did take advantage of him financially. But he should see that is not the case for me.

I haven't asked him to marry me because yes I do want a man to be so in love with me that he ask. Plus he has pride and wouldn't want it the other way either. I'm not evil for wanting a husband. Although I am envious that I can't call myself his wife. More pathetic than anything.

I don't want to just throw it all away but how do I know if we moved forward it wasn't because I forced him into something he didn't want.

Five years is long enough to know if you want to marry someone. - don't you think?

@Manclife1

You call OP a psycho, I call you out on it & I get ?

Riiiiggght

Ask him whether he wants to be married to you. If he agrees tell him that means you are engaged and set a time limit for the proposal if you really need it. I think that is a little silly but worth a try before leaving.