Boyfriend has admitted to being an occasional cross dresser

[MyFlabberIsAghast]

My boyfriend and I haven't been together that long but we definitely see a future together. However last weekend he admitted to being an occasional cross dresser. He said he doesn't want to do it all the time, isn't a transvestite, doesn't want to be a woman and never does it around his daughter and wouldn't around my DCs.

It's not an absolute deal breaker for me; he said if I hated it he wouldn't do it again because he doesn't want to lose me. But at the same time, I don't quite know how I feel about it.

It’s a fetish like any other fetish. It really isn’t an identity thing (assuming he’s being honest with you). I have an ex who was into cross dressing. He’s very much a man. Very heterosexual and now happily married to a woman. Our break up had nothing to do with his sexual kinks. It wasn’t my cup of tea and I had no interest in being involved, but I had no problem supporting him and didn’t care what he did in his free time as long as it didn’t involve other people.

Its early, you have no kids or ties to him.

Fuck that mess.

Thank you. I believe him when he says it's not an identity thing. I guess deep down I'm very un-fetishy so I don't really understand it. I don't want him to have to give up something that's obviously important to him and I don't want to split up but I don't know how easy it's going to be to accept it when confronted by it. Did you live with your ex? We're hoping to move in together next year and I'm not sure how he'll keep it separate if I can't handle it.

Really @PicsInRed you'd dump someone who otherwise has been the most perfect boyfriend I've ever had over this?

You can't keep it separate. You will know when he has or is, or he'll try to involve you. If you can cope with it, fine.
But find out now, sooner rather than later.

And a rule I came up with after reading the FWR boards is to not let them watch any related pornography.

Part of this fetish can be to want to involve the partner. I really wouldn't go there, personally, but your choice obviously.

He would not give this up if you said you didn't like it. Only go ahead with the relationship if you feel you can live with it because he will never stop.

I'd imagine that he's told you a palatable version to get you on board. More will develop as you become more committed. Sorry but I see it happening.

It's a total turn off for me and it starts off your relationship with an intimacy chasm between you. Where he'll have to 'enjoy' it as long as you're not involved. at least until he eventually brings you into it so you can witness him dressed up...so not sexy IMO.

Agree with istillmissblockbusters

If it's not a deal breaker for you that's fine, but it would be for me. I would be suspicious that he is telling you to draw you into it. Even if he isn't, I just wouldn't fancy a man who likes to dress as a woman, no way.

Are you with my ex? That wasn't why he's an ex. I found it a fairly harmless fetish and it didn't bother me. he's an ex because he could talk for 2 hours without a break about garden fencing

It would be a dealbreaker for me, too. I'd bet my house that in a year's time this will be a much bigger deal between you.

If you're comfortable with it then there's no problem. For me, it would be a deal breaker. Personally, I think he is just telling you the most gentle version of the story in hopes you'll stick around. I don't believe for a second that he will ever stop doing this, even if you do decide it makes you very uneasy.

Why would you be 'confronted by it'? Does he want you to see him like that? It seems to be solo fetish normally.

Aye aye

Really@PicsInRedyou'd dump someone who otherwise has been the most perfect boyfriend I've ever had over this?

Yep. Bye bye.

I'd struggle to believe that he'd stop if you asked. If that was the case then why bring it up at all. Why risk you being upset and leaving? He's wanting you to say it's acceptable, to pretend you have control over whether he has this fetish or not. But you don't.
You're compartmentalising - he's nice . . . then there's this issue. You actually need to view him as a whole which means considering his fetish too.
Personally, it would make me wary and if it's early in the relationship, I'd end it. Not least because of the way he's trying to present it as though you're making the decision over whether he continues with his fetish or not. That seems manipulative to me.

Pretty sure it’d be a dealbreaker for me.

Given that AGPs are usually raging narcissists. Fuck that for a laugh.

Honestly I would go read (but not post on) the ns widows threads on Feminism chat. You’ll see a recurring theme is this is how things started out but escalated over time.

Personally I would walk away.

AGPs?

Why hasn’t he told you before?

It would just turn me off him.

I wouldn't like it. Worrying about his secret side.

Bail while you still can

*Trans widow threads

I suggest you read up on Autogynephilia OP.

Ps id say this IS WHY HE IS THE "PERFECT" BF
but once you have lowered yr standard to accept something that is a turnoff for you, maybe he wont keep bothering to be perfect otherwise.