Shagged my ex and he’s attempting to blackmail me

[Suchanidiotpart2]

Know I’ll get flamed for this but I need some advice. I stupidly met up with my ex to discuss our DC. He turned on the charm and kept ordering the drinks and we ended up in bed. My lovely, kind and caring dp is moving in this week. I wasn’t going to tell him because it was w stupid mistake and I made sure it was safe sex.

Ex wants me back. I’ve told him no chance and he’s threatening to tell my dp.

I feel so much shame and am disgusted with myself. My poor boyfriend. I need to tell him before my bastard of an ex does don’t I?

@HeadintheiClouds, nobody, the relationship with his ex was and is still abusive.

Op knows how much she had to drink. Stop suggesting he may have date raped her.

Oh, right. But the relationship is over, she’s moved on. Supposedly.

You need to tell DP before he works it out for himself. Presumably he knew you were meeting up. You are clearly struggling with your emotions with DP and are going to be on edge at every call, pick up/drop off of the dcs etc. It would be unusual for dp to be oblivious to this entirely. Far better to own it and try to move on.

Lot of excuses why someone would go out and get willingly pissed.

Only on Mumsnet do we excuse women cheating by throwing around ideas of consent and spiked drinks.

OP got pissed and shagged her ex.

God I can’t even believe I’m writing this I knew it was safe sex because I found he had tossed the condom on the floor. I can’t even remember having sex with him but the filled condom, grim I know tells me we definitely did. I’ve been to the gum as a precaution.

I couldn’t even tell you how I got home, I was just so drunk and was violently sick in the middle of the night. I wasn’t chasing down shots but the cocktails were stronger than what I’m used to.

I know I’m not a victim, I’m the perp. My dp isn’t abusive in the least. He’s just lovely.

I’m going to tell him, for his own sake. I can’t run the risk of my cunt of an ex hurting him even more than I will. It will be better coming from me.

To the pp’s who have suggested therapy. Not a bad idea since I’m clearly totally fucked up. No other explanation for what I’ve done.

Go on, then.

Your recent post makes no sense because you stated you made sure it was safe sex? So how did you make sure it was safe sex? You've now gone and changed the story to just seeing the condom on the floor. Give over.

You're drip-feeding and changing the story because people have rightfully called you out. Although I'm sure you're enjoying posts from those who find it acceptable to cheat and lie.

If your current partner is so lovely, show him some respect by telling the truth so that he can make a choice for himself.

Your boyfriend will find out. Best if it comes from you.

You're drip-feeding and changing the story because people have rightfully called you out.

I actually thought OP was adding in more detail to match the suggestions that people were making!

@HeadintheiClouds stop being a goady tw**

@15YemenRoad - I’m not stop feeding. I’m not playing the victim. I haven’t blamed him for me drinking it for the fact I shagged him. RTFT

Excuse me??

Your ex is always going to be in your life because of your kids and I couldn't live with the knowledge of him trying to hold this over me. Your DP deserves to know the truth so he can decide if he still wants to be with you after what you did.

I hope everything works out for you, OP. I do.

But I agree, you can't possibly know that it was you who made sure it was safe sex, if your only evidence is the used condom.

You need to get the facts in order before you tell your DP or you're going to make things worse.

@Suchanidiotpart2 I have read the full thread. I haven't even said you blamed him for anything, did I?

I just called you out saying you made sure it was safe sex in your first post and then said you only know it was safe sex because you found the condom, do you not see how you changed the story?

Nonetheless, you have said you will do the right thing and here's hoping you do. So many people on here who are hurt by cheaters and what often hurts the most is not being worthy enough of the truth. Tell your partner and let him make a choice for himself. If he forgives you, you two can move on. If not, then so be it but he has a right to know, as would anyone else in this situation.

I haven’t changed my story at all. In 10 years my ex has always refused to wear a condom. He is not a responsible adult and wouldn’t give a shit for his girlfriend because he is repugnant. Consequently I’m petty darn certain that it would have been upon my insistence.

Consequences of your own actions. Suck it up and tell him I'm afraid.

Where did this actually happen?

My home. Our DC were at my mums.

I don't think you're a bad person, give yourself a break you were drunk, but you will always feel guilty if you don't come clean. And he deserves to choose if he still wants to be with you.

Sure, tell your partner if you want to lose him. You did a dumb thing, it happens, this was a bad one but is sortable if you move on from it, and obvs don’t do it again!

Who did he keep ordering the drinks from?

@Suchanidiotpart2 Um, you said you made sure it was safe sex in your original post, so how did you do that exactly? Then you said you know it was safe sex because of the condom?

There's a contradiction there as either you made sure he put a condom on or you only know it was safe sex because you saw the condom later.

Anyway, you know what you have to do so as mentioned before - here's hoping you do. It's a shame that a decent person will get hurt because of your actions but he has every right to know.

Give him the respect by telling the truth.