Shagged my ex and he’s attempting to blackmail me

[Suchanidiotpart2]

Know I’ll get flamed for this but I need some advice. I stupidly met up with my ex to discuss our DC. He turned on the charm and kept ordering the drinks and we ended up in bed. My lovely, kind and caring dp is moving in this week. I wasn’t going to tell him because it was w stupid mistake and I made sure it was safe sex.

Ex wants me back. I’ve told him no chance and he’s threatening to tell my dp.

I feel so much shame and am disgusted with myself. My poor boyfriend. I need to tell him before my bastard of an ex does don’t I?

so nothing to be gained by telling the DP,

If you were in the DP's shoes, would you still feel that way? Happy to obliviously move in with someone who had just shagged their ex?

I know some people have low standards but that's a cake taker that.

@readitandwept, if OPs DP is the kind of men that go and gives men a beating, he will beat him either way.

Now OP, if your DP is that kind of man, take the chance and run NOW.

Are you sure the current DP is 'lovely'? You might be better off without either of these men - just because, if you're still likely to shag the dodgy ex, you might not be able to see men with a clear view, and therefore the new one might just be a different flavour of dickhead. Could you have taken up with the new one just because you do't want to be alone?

I cannot believe some have said not to tell, are you serious? Disgusting.

OP, how would you feel if your current partner went and slept with someone else, I'm sure you'd want to know instead of lying to him and hiding your wrongdoing.

Whether your ex is threatening you or not, the decent thing is to own up to your actions and tell your partner the truth, he has a right to know and then make a decision for himself whether or not he wants to be with you.

Truth is, you cheated, and as always women on here get a more understanding approach. Whereas if it were a man, they would react differently.

Do the right thing.

I certainly didn’t seduce him. I don’t even understand how I got as drunk as I did because I always know when I’ve had enough. I keep having flashes of what happened that night but cannot recall every little detail.

It was ridiculous of me to have met him but I was hoping we could reach a resolution with our DCs maintenance and access.

Even if ex couldn’t prove what happened I don’t think I could live with myself. Every time I look at my DP I want to burst out crying.

He took advantage of you, if you were drunk how could you consent? You are a victim here

Oh fuck off, she was clearly conscious enough to make sure they had safe sex apparently. Stop giving women free passes when they cheat it's fucking vile.

@TanMateix I agree with you in theory, but I wouldn't want to be the one to make him snap and beat someone knowing I was lying all along.

But you don't actually know that.

Every time I look at my DP I want to burst out crying.

You're an adult, own up to your mistakes and stop pitying yourself. Tell your partner the truth so he can decide what he wants to do.

You are not a victim here, but by being honest you have a chance to better this situation.

Please OP find some way to focus on you. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and has been, if you are not ready to love the new relationship on yet, slow it down and get some help for the abuse you have experienced.

I think you should tell him. Also, never agree to meet up with ex, discuss arrangements about the children by email.

I think that your ex planned this to have something to hold over you, so that he still has control. So, tell your DP that the conversation was about the DC, ex kept ordering drinks and you didn’t realise how drunk you were. I’m not trying to give you an excuse here, that’s what I see from your posts. Tell DP that you will not meet with ex without other people present because he manipulates you.

Then don’t mention it to the DC or the ex, if ex brings it up tell him you have already told DP.

Yawn

If you have an ounce of respect for your DP and your kids, tell him. You have created a huge amount of drama. Own it and make amends.

move not love...

You do know how you got that drunk. Triple measures. You were aware enough to “make sure it was safe sex”, not sure why you think it was all on him.

Perhaps inform your ex that blackmail is a statutory offence under section 21(1) of the Theft Act 1968, and carries a maximum prison sentence of 14 years. The fact you had sex with him willingly probably indicates you are not ready for a serious relationship with anyone else at the present time. Perhaps get some counselling.

OP says I made sure it was safe sex.

Unless she means she verified later on, it kind of sounds like she was capacitous and making active, considered decisions... Albeit poor ones.

Thank fuck, some rational thinking.

I am not sure we can know, and maybe the OP doe snot know for sure whether she was choosing to drink so much or the ex was feeding her more alcohol than she could take.

OP there seem to be a lot of issues here for you, please focus on you and getting yourself sorted in relation to ex (keeping him at arms length).

Tell your DP. Shame your ex. Then forgive yourself. I'm not sure your DP will, though. But that's the consequence.

I do hope you're OK. X

I thin the fact it was an abusive relationship (and clearly still is an abusive relationship) needs to be taken into consideration.

Nothavingfunrightnow very good advice.

Ok, talk to him and tell him what happened, he may have noticed already something is going on. Hopefully he would be forgiving but I pretty much doubt your relationship will be the same afterwards, once that trust is gone, is gone.

I find it interesting however that you don’t seem to recall parts of what happened. How many drinks you had, do you normally get forgetfully drunk when you drink the same amount? Just checking, again, it is not that you sleep with old Prince Charming if he is blackmailing you, And you never get that drunk with as many drinks, I wouldn’t put it past him adding something to your drink.

Who suggested her new dp is abusive?

And if you never get that drunk with as many drinks