Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Oh guys I’m on here for a moan. Things with MrBucket had opened up a bit and we were messaging again...but he’s admitted something this morning that he had categorically told me he hadn’t done last night. It’s reasonably major so I can’t just forget about it; also it’s the fact he lied to me so easily and I believed him. I’m done with liars, no matter what their intentions. Am I BU messaging back to say that I’m not comfortable with being misled for whatever reason, and that I want to step back a bit? It’s thrown me, I have such issues over my ex who lied and cheated for years, I never want to feel like this again.

@fmfl oh dear. Mr Bucket isn't your ex but if he's done the same, I'm sure it must be hard. Saying that I bet we've all.html done things we aren't proud of. The important thing is to learn from it and never do it again imo.

FMFL I am sorry that this has happened to you. I have a zero tolerance policy for liars. It is one thing to not mention that you have done a particular thing, but to categorically deny doing it is definitely overstepping the mark. Once someone has lied to me like that I feel that I just can't trust them again.

In your shoes I would be tempted to end it, depending on how strongly you feel about what he has done. But yes, you would not be unreasonable to message him saying that you feel uncomfortable about being misled.

If Mr Bucket is opening up, at least he told you relatively soon that he lied and you didn't have to wait to find out. Can you give him a yellow card on the agreement he never does it again?

@Lillyrose19 @Ginmel thanks both. I may be expecting way too much so early on which is why I wanted to check if I may be hugely overreacting. I’m not overly comfortable with the thing he’s done but I’m really upset that he lied because I trusted him. I feel so stupid again.

@Ginmel that’s a good idea.

You are right he lied but within 12? hours he corrected himself seemingly unprovoked. Not ideal but better than you finding out by accident years later.

Personally I think once someone gets away with lying to you, they will do it again. Big red card for me.

It’s so difficult. I’m in the middle of drafting a long message to him explaining I don’t like being misled, however gently. Yes he corrected it purely of his own accord, but my trust levels are zero and I wonder what else he’s holding back on. All my issues and not his, and I’d be a fool to believe that no-one holds info back , it’s just that he let me make a bit of an idiot of myself (in my eyes) and that feels pretty shit. If I could tell you the specifics it would make more sense!

Personally I'm not a fan of big messages. I'd talk about instead. Just me though.

We don't know the context as you say either and I'm guessing him telling you whatever last night meant you said or did something you'd not have done if he'd been truthful?

I also believe trust should be earned but because new people I meet aren't other people who have hurt me (not just partners) and there are good people out there, I try to set my trust meter at a 5 in the beginning so they can and lose points. It means I give them a chance as well as protect myself.

That’s exactly it Ginmel, I would not have said stuff to him last night if I’d had the truth early on. And he had many opportunities to tell me. I’ve had to send the message as I’m with dd today and I can’t pretend to be ok with all this until I get to speak to him again. I think I’ve been gentle in my message.

That's great @fmfl You are definitely right to call him out.

He’s sent a nice message back to apologise but it’s ended with ‘anyway I shall leave you to it’. So that sounds quite final.

It's hard without knowing what else he said... But he's saying it's your call if you want to continue. If he says in the rest of the message he likes you etc then do take that into account too.

Sounds like he's leaving you to your day with DD rather than leaving you

@peanuthedz is right. Sorry I misread that @fmfl

Thanks guys. Appreciate your listening to my anxiety-riddles moans.

For what it's worth I thought leaving you to the day rather than toodle pip as well.

@FMFL I read that, like others, to mean he's leaving you to get on with stuff as opposed to drawing a line under things. OLD is soooo hard & anxiety inducing. I'm sure it wasn't this difficult back in the day lol.

@FMFL I read it like the others too. Have you replied to him since that text?

I've just had a 30 minute chat on the phone to Mr SAS. A week to go until I see him 😁

He sent another message just asking if I was ending it. I was honest and said I don’t know, that I like him and enjoy being with him but today has triggered some issues for me. I’ve heard nothing since.

@FMFL so hard to judge without knowing how much of a deal breaker it is. I’d agree he’s prob just letting you enjoy your day. I’d text back, if you want to get over it.

I feel a bit wobbly over my iron is 6 weeks and I’m not coping with him being so busy. He moved house yesterday and work is manic. He’s still texting quite a bit but it seems mostly about the house. Understandable I guess. I’m Meeting a couple of friends for dinner and few drinks so think distraction will help. Can feel Myself being a bit short and know I’m withdrawing but so hard not to!

Mr married messaged last night to say he’s told wife he’s not happy and doesn’t love her. I need to keep distance.

Kermit that's a huge number of messages! I've just done the maths and that's 257 a day or 10 an hour every hour of the day and night!!!

Just heard from him saying he’s going to leave me alone. And that he wishes he hadn’t been honest Aargh.

Leave me alone as I’m not contact me any more, that is.