Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Oh I'm sorry this has happened ant330 I can't believe how she's behaved over the last ten days. The only defence I can think of clutching at straws is just that she needs the run for her mental health but that's not really a great defence when she's treating you like such a low priority.

Ant I really don't want to either - he's the first man who has really got my interest in a long while - but I know it's better for me to remove myself from all the angst and leave the ball in his court - we get on so well in every way but I'm not sure he is emotionally ready to give his all - a real shame but I hate mind games so I'll give him space - if he's prepared to fill that space, that's up to him..

@shitwithsugaron oh it's something that's been bubbling on for months. I've had enough. I had a #metoo moment with my friends ex (he was also my friend) and she said I led him on. As he's already tried it on with half the group both male and female I clearly didn't. It's slightly more complicated than that too. It had all quietened down and I dropped a WhatsApp bomb. I feel better for it as they were all totally shit and unsupportive but feel a bit lonely. And yes mr U is beyond stressed. He's decided the business is going to fail after only a month but is putting his all into it. It's just not much fun for me as I'm doing a lot of listening. And it's not like he's a life partner or anything. But I do care about him. I don't want to add to his stress either.

@Peanuthedz
His way of being affectionate is a constant teasing and it's getting a bit wearing. It's like he says the opposite of what he means. He does it with his friends and says I should be flattered that he does it to me too but it would be nice to be shown a bit of affection and some kind of verbal niceness. It all feels like hard work at the moment.

First of all, I'm sorry that you went through what you did with your friend's ex, and that your mates have been really shit towards you. It might be a good time to jump on meetup and or take up new hobbies to make new friends? Mr U sounds like Mr Unreasonable for thinking you should be flattered that he winds you up - it's a not very mature way of showing affection if that's his only way! I think I'd make a serious point out of it next time I saw him, and that I required affection in X Y and z ways too, and whilst I could handle some teasing it's bordering on hurtful to you now.

@Peanuthedz god that sounds awful , you’ve got every right to want a bit more from Mr U in terms of support.

Thanks @Coffeeandchocolate9
I'm starting uni soon so won't have time for anything much. I'm quite busy mostly. I do like to have pub friends and now I don't!
I pointed it out to him this morning. He just says I knew what he was like when we met so why does it bother me now. And if I don't like it I don't have to stay. Tbh I think we're getting to the end. Well I am anyway. He's talking about stuff in September/October time. I doubt we'll be together. There's too much negative stuff now. Apart from the sex though...

Translation: I'm deciding to be stuck in my unattractive ways and will not make any effort to be a more pleasant person by hiding behind the "you should accept me as I am/shouldn't try to change me" troupe.

Mr U is earning his name @peanuthedz And the way he is is not just because of his culture, he's being an arse and there's not excuse for that.

Oh @Ant330, what a kick in the gut.

I know it's not the same thing but I have been away for a week now and can't wait to see Mr SAS (and he says the same). I've made plans for my ex to pick the kids up pretty much as soon as we get home from a tiring day of travelling so that he can come over, even though I'm going to be knackered and looking like shit and have a gazillion bags to unpack, because I want to see him more than any of that matters.

She may have stresses going on but you know what, we all do. If you put yourself out there for dating then you should have the time and mental capacity to do just that.

Yeah what @Sunshineandflipflops says. If you want to see someone you do. Sorry @Ant330 . Mind you, you know all this. As do I.

Oh yikes,I popped onto pof today and looks like i have a date in half an hour. He is going to stop by at a pub nearby on his way to somewhere. No time for a shower (thank God for wet wipes) and hair all over the place as just mowed lawn. Poor bloke!

Good luck Kerkyra

Unless I hear from her, I've decided I'm going to send her a message tomorrow saying something along the lines of she's clearly got a lot on her plate at the moment and I don't think I'm helping, so I'm going to give her as much space as she needs and if she feels like getting in touch when she's ready then she knows where I am.
That way I can move on assuming it's over, and if she gets in touch then I can decide with a clear head what I want to do .
I don't really want to tell her we're done without an explanation, but neither do I want to blame her.
I'm sure I'll spend a few days staring at my phone but I think it's for the best for both of us.
Does that sound ok?

@Ant330 I'd like to say that I think you're putting the ball right back in her court again, as it has been for the last 10 days, but in reality I'd probably say something similar.

I don't like the I don't think I'm helping bit @Ant330 It should be more about your needs also being respected, open comms and time prioritised.

You are getting too focused on her needs. Don't do that, dude

What they said. You need to tell her it's not on. For your own sense of self worth.

Ok I'll reword it.

For what it's worth Ant330 I've been thro something similar with MrWow. I was going thro a lot of personal shit and although I really liked him, I couldn't deal with being nice to someone, if that makes sense. It was like, oh FO. He ended it and I pleaded with him to reconsider but it fell on deaf ears. We had a break. Both saw other people. We found each other on a OLD site and started talking again. He told me a few home truths about how hurtful my offhand comments were and the FO's. It was a wake up call. We are back together, stronger than ever. Yep, it's a happy ending but what I'm trying to say that is that backing off is the best thing you can do. If it's meant to be then you'll reconnect.

Well,I really like this one. Just sent a lovely to meet you txt so fingers crossed.

Checking in! I’ve been on four dates as of Thursday with a great man, ended up sleeping with him and now I’m completely on edge waiting to be ghosted or dumped I have fallen into the trap of really liking him as well and I have no idea if he feels the same, he doesn’t give much away! Please help!

Hmm,got a reply 'me too,I'm off out now to measure up'. With two kisses. No mention of another date.
Think I will send a breezy hello tomorrow?

Ant,its very hard when your heart is hurting and you're frustrated,knowing she's hurting but theres nothing you can do. That message sounded fine. Yes it gives her the power but unless you dump her now,you have no alternative than to see if she changes her mind. Very difficult for you,I know

Ant I'd keep your message short and to the point - best to know now than further down the line - thank her for the good times and wish her well and leave it there - if she wants to continue rather than keep you dangling, she'll let you know - good luck - it's working for me!

It did make sense shitwith and glad to hear that meeting the kids went well
Thanks TooOld nice to know it can happen.