Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Ha @kermitrulesok I checked and we’ve done even more! Insane!! I like the fact we do message a lot though.
What are you going to say to that @FMFL

@Coffeeandchocolate9 it really doesn't feel like like many! Honestly we just ping messages back and forth all day. I enjoy messaging...we both can type really quickly so it doesn't even feel like I'm looking at my phone that much

Ooooh @Sunshineandflipflops I bet he's realised that you're fab and he needs to be with you!

@ccgirr I don’t know. The thing he lied about/purposely omitted is kind of a big thing for me; in addition I don’t think he understands the fact that I don’t like being misled when there’s something I need to trust someone on. If I have to explain that then I’m wondering if it’s worth it.

Rather than meeting today we've had a text argument instead 🙄
I knew she was going out later this afternoon with a friend, but when she said "hopefully" she'd be able to meet me after she got back from her run I let my frustration get the better of me and told her that I deserve more than to hopefully be squeezed in.
Apparently I'm being arsey, and she's now got the hump again.
It's just getting too hard and I know I deserve to be treated better than this, shame!

Oh no @FMFL see I think he gets it as he wouldn’t have said he wishes he hadn’t been honest. My gut feel is that you don’t want him to completely walk away. Maybe like someone said use this as his yellow card and tell him so as can be done in a jokey way.
I’ve just had another house pic. God I’m a bitch, I’ll be sending constant house pics when I get the date for mine lol.

@Ant330 this is beyond a joke! No more mr nice guy. Self love!!

Oh Ant that’s shit.

Yeah think it's time to look after number 1. She just seems so stressed and pissed off about a number of things in her life atm, I can't fix all of it because at this point most of it has bugger all to do with me. Trouble is I seem to be getting the brunt of that stress.
I'll decide tomorrow what to do in terms of ending it. I very much doubt I'll hear anything more from her today anyway.
FMFL do you think he might have just panicked and blurted the lie out worrying what you'd say to the truth? However, I also don't like lying so can see why it might be a deal breaker.

Sorry to read that @fmfl. Being blunt, I can't say I would want to be with someone with a lot of trust issues either. Are you in therapy?

WTF @Ant330 Astounded you aren't more of a priority today. Understand the prior friend commitment but she can go for a run anytime. Is there a chance Miss H is back on the apps or is stalling for some other reason?

I can't remember who said it @Ant330 maybe a lot of us but please think about the type of message you deliver to her about what you'll accept if you take today as acceptable. I could give Miss h a pass for this week but think her selfishness is coming to light now.

Ant330 I was in a relationship like that when it was always 'maybe' or 'hopefully' and I felt like I was always at the bottom of the pile and not a priority at all. It made me feel rubbish about myself, like I wasn't worth his time and that I was into the relationship more than him. It didn't do good for my self esteem. You deserve someone who can't wait to see you and makes you their priority.

That was my reaction as well Ginmel I thought I'd be one of her priorities today but clearly not!
I can't be arsed to look at the apps to check but I asked her a few days ago if there was anything else going on or bothering her about us and she said no.
Honestly think she is that stressed about other stuff, that she doesn't have the capacity to deal with me as well. She admitted she's been in a foul mood since last weekend, and not at me anymore (well until today), think things are just getting on top of her.
Probably kinder to her (and me) if I just end it, so she can focus on her family and work.

Wow @Ant330 I have an exercise hobby and I gauge my interest in someone by whether I'd rather be with them than do it. It's a good indicator. Especially if you haven't seen her for over a week.... sorry

I wouldn't have advocated you ending things with her any earlier than today because I wanted miss h to have a second chance. I wouldn't be giving her a third chance though, nor would I be waiting to see if she can 'hopefully' fit me in. I think her issues are blocking her ability to have a relationship right now sadly.

What will you do if she does say she can meet later today?

Can you go out with some mates again? Maybe no big hangover this time though...

I'm not sure what's happening with Mr U. He seems to think everything is fine but I'm not that happy with it at the moment. He's working at his business every single day. And talking about nothing else. And being very negative about it. And everything else. His way of being affectionate is a constant teasing and it's getting a bit wearing. It's like he says the opposite of what he means. He does it with his friends and says I should be flattered that he does it to me too but it would be nice to be shown a bit of affection and some kind of verbal niceness. It all feels like hard work at the moment.

I've also burned my bridges with my main group of friends and my kids are away so I'm fed up and lonely. There's no one to just go to the pub with and enjoy the evening. Apart from Mr U. Who doesn't want to go out cos he's broke.

ohhahhh up until 10 days ago that's exactly what I had, somebody who wanted to see me as much as she could. I know that I'm not the no. 1 priority as her family comes first, but I felt like I was right up there for 7 weeks.
Still can't really get my head round what the fuck has happened.
Ginmel today isn't acceptable. If she'd said when we spoke on Thurs that she was really busy today but would try and find some time then I'd have been fine with it. But she didn't, she told me she really wanted to meet and sort things out. Clearly she's had a couple of crappy days since and that's now changed.

@Ginmel not in therapy, but probably should be! Without being too outing (hopefully) my MrB admitted to group sex and that’s not at all what I needed to hear given my ex’s ways. I’m not sure I want a relationship where I’m always wondering who he’s thinking about...makes me feel like being single for quite some time longer.

Ant I'm sorry as it seems that it's not what you want but I would take a giant step back - her behaviour is not acceptable on any level. I'm in a similar situation and decided to take a couple of steps back - I feel better for it and know that he now knows he has crossed a boundary and I'm prepared to walk away. It's not what I want either but I will do it and he know that.

Oh ant I'm really hacked off with her that she is really treating you like shit now of course you deserve better! I take any commitment I've made to a date really seriously - it's definitely never okay to be as "maybe/if" flakey as she has been, especially for the last 10 days now- either you're enough of a priority to commit to, especially given recent difficulties, or she's not into you in which case she shouldn't be half-arranging to meet and frankly should bloody well end it. It sounds like total self-sabotage fwiw- she's found a guy she really likes, everything's going really well... and her baggage kicks in and whispers in her ear that she doesn't deserve it so it must not be true and sabotages it. If she's got a good mate who is the right type to recognise it and call her out on it, she could break the pattern, but sadly you can't do anything about it and it's up to you if you think is with hanging around to see if she'll come through - I suspect you might be past that point and I would be too.

No not going out with mates again today, my son is here and I wouldn't be in the mood anyway. Might see if he fancies going out for some food later instead.
Peanut I wouldn't even class the occasional run as her hobby, but it's a good excuse not to have to deal with something difficult.
Candysroom yes I don't see I have any other choice as much as I don't want to.

I'm really sorry @Ant330