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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP tried to kick DD out the house

274 replies

wallflower · 23/07/2019 18:14

DP and I have been together for 9 years, I had two children before I met him and we have one together. My oldest is very nearly 17, about to go into her second year of college. Years ago her and DP used to get on really well but once she became a teenager they have had some difficulty getting on. She doesn't always want to listen to him, this often follows with the "you're not my dad" line but he tends to treat her differently, for example he'll buy things for the other two and not for her and he's a lot stricter with her. These are things I've tried to address and sort out between the two of them. However yesterday, whilst I wasn't home they got into a huge argument, which ended with him sending DD to pack her bags, which is when I got home, asked what was going on and all DP said was "she needs to go", I told DD she didn't have to go anywhere but she said she was going to stay at her friend's house tonight anyway and left. According to DP the argument was over her telling him how to look after DD2, I don't have DD's side of the story yet. Arguments with them seem to blow out of proportion but it's never gone that far. He acts about the same age as her at times like this but also uses the authority he has over her and takes it too far. I think if he had it his way she would have been made to move out by now, it's ridiculous. DD hasn't yet returned but said she will later today, when DP has left for his night shift, I know she's okay though just angry with him.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 24/07/2019 23:09

This conversation should have happened years ago when he started treating your DD like a 2nd class person in her own home.

Never put cock before kids again, and make sure your DD knows she won't ever be put out of her home by some random arse again.

Teaandcrisps · 24/07/2019 23:14

Oh OP - I really hope your ok. This has spiro'd so quick that you must be in shock.

You have done the right thing, and well done for putting your DD first. Hope there are folks IRL that you can lean on. Take good care x

Bookworm4 · 24/07/2019 23:15

Well done, your daughter needs her mum, together you can be a strong wee family x

granadagirl · 24/07/2019 23:19

Well I hope for your children sake you are being truthful

If you let a man do this to one of your children then you are no better than him!!!

He told your child to pack her bags and go wtf

Get some self esteem and get rid

WhoWants2Know · 24/07/2019 23:20

Damn, I get that it's an emotive topic but that's no excuse for playing keyboard warrior. Being an asshole to the OP doesn't help.

ysmaem · 24/07/2019 23:26

If my partner ever treated my kids the way your partner treated your DD he'd be out the door on his head. I'm so angry for her just reading your post. You have a duty to protect your DD and allowing someone who is more than happy to drive her out of her own home to live under the same roof isn't the way to do it. I know it must be hard as you love both of them but your OH is a CF and needs a reality check.

Happynow001 · 24/07/2019 23:49

@wallflower

We spoke earlier and well that's our relationship down the drain but I can see it's for the better. I don't really want to go into too much detail but the "conversation" we had and how he reacted to it made it clear to me we can't be together if he's going treat my daughter like that
Sounds like you had a tough time and he reacted badly - but good for you to have that conversation with him. Now time to rebuild trust with your daughter so she knows this won't happen again with him or any other partner.

You will, I'm sure, have challenging times ahead, including working with him regarding access to your youngest child and you'll need the strength to get through those.

Good luck to you and your little family OP , and strength to you. 🌹

Frith2013 · 24/07/2019 23:57

I’m glad to hear that and send you the best of luck going forward.

Goodnightchristopherrobin · 25/07/2019 00:09

Your poor DD! Completely unacceptable behaviour from your DH.

Halo1234 · 25/07/2019 00:11

You have did the right thing getting rid of him. Dont look back. Horrible horrible man to treat a young person like that for saying what was right (she hadn't tried her second dinner). Bullying and making her feel unwelcome in her own home. He should be building her up not trying to take the roof from her head. I feel awful for your daughter. Be the role model she needs and show her you wont tolerate that. You both deserve better. And why did u allow him to buy stuff for the other two and not her. Protect her it's your job first and foremost. Have her back before anyone elses.

lunar1 · 25/07/2019 00:15

I'm so glad he's gone/going.

I'm absolutely appalled that you let your dd be chased out of her home for a night, having to wait till the asshole had gone to work to return.

Hithere12 · 25/07/2019 00:19

I’ve only read the first page but poor DD. You are letting your daughter live in an abusive situation. Therefore you are also being abusive. Poor girl.

I hope either you get rid of him and if you don’t then she goes NC and tries to heal from her shitty, abusive family situation.

Atleast she seems to have good friends as she doesn’t have a good family.

Hithere12 · 25/07/2019 00:21

Oh I’ve just seen you’ve gotten rid. About time. Maybe get your DD councilling as I’m sure being treated in an abusive way by this man for years hasn’t been good for her self esteem.

Palaver1 · 25/07/2019 00:28

Don’t think for a second his gotten rid off.He will be back but OP was really treated poorly.
I don’t think she’ll be asking for support again.

Hithere12 · 25/07/2019 00:30

It’s the daughter who’s lived in an abusive home for years that needs support.

hyperemesiscansuckit · 25/07/2019 01:07

It really doesn't matter what each other's side of the story is. He's an adult treating a child like crap.

My mum did this to me with my step dad. I've never forgiven her. I really hope you don't try to sort things out with him and get back together. He's a piece of shit and you need to protect your daughter and have her back.

SummerInTheVillage · 25/07/2019 06:30

Onwards and upwards, OP. You are well rid.

NormandySR1 · 25/07/2019 06:41

Yeah, this is not a nice situation. I had my dms dp kick me out at about 15, and I've never felt welcome in their house ever since. It has put a massive strain on mine and dm relationship and I still find it difficult to actually talk to her even 13 years later. I would really think about how much this man means to you because your daughter will feel threatened by him and it's a horrible way to feel at that age.

NormandySR1 · 25/07/2019 06:42

Just seen you've got rid, brilliant!

FossiPajuZeka · 25/07/2019 06:56

Really great news that you've seen there's no future in a relationship where your DD is treated like this. I really hope you can rebuild trust with your DD now.

Strawberrycreamsundae · 25/07/2019 07:26

I have a good relationship with DD, she's open with me about how she feels and when something's bothering her
And you clearly aren't listening to her - you've obviously allowed her to be bullied and abused by your partner for years.
How on earth can you collude with his appalling behaviour?

supersop60 · 25/07/2019 07:31

Read the Full Thread please.
The 'D' P is gone.
Well done OP. Give all your DCs a big hug.

GummyGoddess · 25/07/2019 07:38

Good, your children and you will be better off without him, and your children will see that they are important to you.

Bourbonbiccy · 25/07/2019 07:40

wallflower sorry for your lost relationship, but you have definitely done the right thing.

Your children should always come first and you have proven this to be case to your daughter.

whiteroseredrose · 25/07/2019 07:49

Also sorry for your loss. Whatever his good points, some character traits are game changers.