Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP tried to kick DD out the house

274 replies

wallflower · 23/07/2019 18:14

DP and I have been together for 9 years, I had two children before I met him and we have one together. My oldest is very nearly 17, about to go into her second year of college. Years ago her and DP used to get on really well but once she became a teenager they have had some difficulty getting on. She doesn't always want to listen to him, this often follows with the "you're not my dad" line but he tends to treat her differently, for example he'll buy things for the other two and not for her and he's a lot stricter with her. These are things I've tried to address and sort out between the two of them. However yesterday, whilst I wasn't home they got into a huge argument, which ended with him sending DD to pack her bags, which is when I got home, asked what was going on and all DP said was "she needs to go", I told DD she didn't have to go anywhere but she said she was going to stay at her friend's house tonight anyway and left. According to DP the argument was over her telling him how to look after DD2, I don't have DD's side of the story yet. Arguments with them seem to blow out of proportion but it's never gone that far. He acts about the same age as her at times like this but also uses the authority he has over her and takes it too far. I think if he had it his way she would have been made to move out by now, it's ridiculous. DD hasn't yet returned but said she will later today, when DP has left for his night shift, I know she's okay though just angry with him.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 23/07/2019 18:24

Sorry OP but this is appalling.

You let your 16 year old be kicked out of her home?

She won't feel welcome if she comes back. She'll be counting the days till she can afford to move out and tbh after she does she will come back very rarely.

You have allowed a man to treat her badly in her own home for several years. If you think she is not harboring resentment towards you about this, you're fooling yourself. She will be blaming you for your passivity. And in later life will tell people that you chose him over her.

You talk about his immaturity - yet you still allow him to live there and treat her like a second class citizen.

And she's not OK. She may be styling it out as proud 16 year olds do but she is 100% not OK.

MyNewBearTotoro · 23/07/2019 18:26

One of them needs to go but it’s not your DD.

amiapropermum · 23/07/2019 18:26

It's not his place to evict her. He seems to be making her the scapegoat of the family which is very damaging. I see you also have a child together. How is your relationship otherwise?

category12 · 23/07/2019 18:28

Why on earth don't you know her side of the story?! Why have you allowed him to continue to treat her noticeably differently for years and years? Why have you treated it as something to sort out between the two of them when he's the adult and she's the teen?

bigchris · 23/07/2019 18:28

Sounds like you chose him over her years ago Sad

Witchofzog · 23/07/2019 18:28

He treats her differently to his biological children. It's no wonder she is angry. He has no right to tell her to leave without even speaking to you and this is very telling about who he is. He is 100 per cent in the wrong and I would be rethinking my relationship with him after this.

Oh and get your dds side of the story. Prioritise this now or you risk losing her forever

slipperywhensparticus · 23/07/2019 18:28

Are the younger two boys?

HollowTalk · 23/07/2019 18:29

he'll buy things for the other two and not for her and he's a lot stricter with her

He is a disgrace. Please don't be one of those women who puts their partner above their child.

ColdAndSad · 23/07/2019 18:31

You need to stand up for your daughter, OP. She's being bullied and made to feel unwelcome, and you're not doing anything about it. She needs your love and help. It's dreadful that she stayed elsewhere last night. Your partner should have been the one to go.

SummerInTheVillage · 23/07/2019 18:31

He sounds awful. Kick him out.

Teddybear45 · 23/07/2019 18:32

Kick him out.

SandyY2K · 23/07/2019 18:32

It's important to think about the long term consequences of his actions toward her.

She'll be dying to leave home and this is often where she'll fall into the hands of a man who seems like an rescuer, but turns into an abuser....but she may end up feeling unable to leave him because he got her away from your house and DP. Feeling like she owes him.

Please consider whether your relationship with him is sustainable given how he treats her.

titchy · 23/07/2019 18:33

Let me guess OP - 'he's a good dad normally', 'but I love him', 'it was my fault for not supporting him', 'he's under a lot of pressure at the moment', 'she's going through a stroppy stage'. Hmm

FFS why do so many women fear not being with someone so much that they allow their own children to be treated like shit?

Expressedways · 23/07/2019 18:36

One of them needs to go but it’s not your DD
^This

This is appalling. I’m shocked that you’ve been letting him treat your DD badly for what sounds like quite a long time, and that this happened yesterday and you haven’t kicked HIM out yet. It’s about time you started standing up for your DD OP.

MiniCooperLover · 23/07/2019 18:37

The OP clearly hasn't let her daughter get kicked out of anywhere, she clearly told her she wasn't to go and and DD has said she'll be back later.

wallflower · 23/07/2019 18:37

She's certainly not been kicked out, I made it clear to her that she wasn't but she still wanted to go and stay at her friend's instead

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 23/07/2019 18:38

You can't let him force your child out of her home. Tell him no way.

Rachelover40 · 23/07/2019 18:38

I know teenagers can be difficult but in your situation I would be on her side. He really should not have told the girl to leave, she is so young, still in education and needs her home. What is she supposed to live on for goodness sake?

You say he treats her differently to the other two, the youngest of whom is his. Are they both quite a bit younger? In which case he may have the same 'difficulties' when they reach 16.

I hope you can sort this, it must be very difficult for you, Wallflower and you have my sympathy. Try and keep the lines of communication open.

Flowers
Peakypolly · 23/07/2019 18:38

Parenting a teen is challenging irrespective of sharing DNA.
Does DD’s Father treat her well? Maybe, after 9 years she could stay with him for a bit and your DP might begin to miss the dynamic that a sparky 16/17 year old brings to your blended family. At 17 both my DD and I would have benefited from some space if it had been a possibility. This is the age that we want/need our DC to become independent free-thinkers so they are armed for adulthood IMO.

Dippypippy1980 · 23/07/2019 18:40

He buys things for the other two children and not her?

He is an arse.

You need to stand up to him and support your daughter.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 23/07/2019 18:40

You might think you've made it clear, but in her head, he's still kicked her out. I'd be making it even clearer to her that it's her home over his by kicking him out.

Teachermaths · 23/07/2019 18:41

Your dp is a total dickhead. How does he think it's ok to treat her differently?!

Go and fetch your dd and leave dp a bag on the lawn.

verystressedmum · 23/07/2019 18:41

Ok so you told her she's not being kicked out but why on earth would she want to stay in the home?
You don't have to physically throw a person out to meals it clear they aren't welcome.
Your partner has been doing this for years.
Your daughter is 16. Wise up

SolitudeAtAltitude · 23/07/2019 18:41

How can you accept him treating her like this? Sounds your DH makes all the rules...

Open your eyes!

Landlubber2019 · 23/07/2019 18:42

What a horrible situation for your 'd' p go to place you in. She is a child and needs your protection, if he doesn't get that then he needs to allow you to do it alone.

Swipe left for the next trending thread