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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP tried to kick DD out the house

274 replies

wallflower · 23/07/2019 18:14

DP and I have been together for 9 years, I had two children before I met him and we have one together. My oldest is very nearly 17, about to go into her second year of college. Years ago her and DP used to get on really well but once she became a teenager they have had some difficulty getting on. She doesn't always want to listen to him, this often follows with the "you're not my dad" line but he tends to treat her differently, for example he'll buy things for the other two and not for her and he's a lot stricter with her. These are things I've tried to address and sort out between the two of them. However yesterday, whilst I wasn't home they got into a huge argument, which ended with him sending DD to pack her bags, which is when I got home, asked what was going on and all DP said was "she needs to go", I told DD she didn't have to go anywhere but she said she was going to stay at her friend's house tonight anyway and left. According to DP the argument was over her telling him how to look after DD2, I don't have DD's side of the story yet. Arguments with them seem to blow out of proportion but it's never gone that far. He acts about the same age as her at times like this but also uses the authority he has over her and takes it too far. I think if he had it his way she would have been made to move out by now, it's ridiculous. DD hasn't yet returned but said she will later today, when DP has left for his night shift, I know she's okay though just angry with him.

OP posts:
AllOverIt · 23/07/2019 19:32

You sound like you don't care because this has gone on for years, has continued and escalated and you're on here instead of driving round to see your daughter and letting her feel supported and loved.

LegionOfDoom · 23/07/2019 19:32

She's certainly not been kicked out, I made it clear to her that she wasn't but she still wanted to go and stay at her friend's instead

You can make it as clear as you like. Fact is, she knows he doesn’t want her there. That poor girl probably feels so pushed out and uncomfortable in her own home. I know because I was that girl. She’s still your child, even if she is almost an adult legally. How can you let this happen to your child in your home?

supersop60 · 23/07/2019 19:34

"My step-dad kicked me out and my mum didn't stick up for me"

Don't let this be your DD's story.

Treaclesweet · 23/07/2019 19:35

You don't seem like you care when you let him treat her as lesser than the other two. She is 16 ffs, grow a fucking backbone and stand up for your child.

GertrudeCB · 23/07/2019 19:36

He has made her feel unwelcome in her own home.
How would YOU feel op ?

ImNotYourGranny · 23/07/2019 19:36

Your partner is an arse.

Super123 · 23/07/2019 19:36

17 is such a difficult age anyway, without this on top.
Does she open up about how she's feeling?

IdaBWells · 23/07/2019 19:36

Why can’t you go over to wherever your dd is right now and talk to her? Why are you waiting for her to come home? It seems like you are not doing anything proactively to help her.

castlecutie · 23/07/2019 19:37

jesus christ your poor daughter. i would never let my daughters own dad treat her like that, nevermind any other man. she is 16, still your baby. your DP buys stuff for the other two children, but not her. how alone and shit she must feel. that man needs to go, he'll continue to treat your daughter like this and she doesn't deserve it. who the fuck does he think he is?

codenameduchess · 23/07/2019 19:38

what ever happened it can't have been bad enough to try and kick her out
She is a child, nothing is that bad short of major/violent crimes! You are enabling his behaviour and attitude whether you intend to or not, the message your daughter gets is 'step dad can kick you out anytime he wants. Your home is not safe' is that how you want her to live?

I can't understand any mother allowing their child to be bullied like that by a parent, biological or not. For her sake make changes now.

CodenameVillanelle · 23/07/2019 19:39

So why haven't you actually spoken to her and heard her side?
What have you done towards your husband?

Vandree · 23/07/2019 19:40

Ring her, see if she is ok and tell her that no one has any right to tell her she isn't welcome in her own home. You are her mother and you need to be on her side, always! She is a child he is an adult in a position of authority. He is in no way right to treat any child much less his step daughter like this. This is it OP, you wont have another chance to show your daughter her priority in your life. Your "d"p needs to leave until your daughter agrees that she feels comfortable having him there not the other way around.

castlecutie · 23/07/2019 19:40

her dad isn't in her life, so the kidsman who should be a father figure throws her out of her own house? he needs a punch and your daughter needs your support. what if you were away from home for a longer period of time and she was gone when you came back? what an absolute shitbrick your DP (Definite Prick in this case) is.

Derbee · 23/07/2019 19:41

I can’t believe you have made your daughter live in a house where she is treated so blatantly badly and differently to the other kids by your P (he doesn’t warrant the D)

You will have compounded the hurt because by allowing it, you look as though you are condoning it.

As soon as she comes back, I would be telling him that he needs to go away for a bit to have a think about how he should be treating your daughter in her own home. If it’s beyond him to be nice, he should fuck off and leave you all to live a harmonious life

TheRedBarrows · 23/07/2019 19:43

“Why can’t you go over to wherever your dd is right now and talk to her?”

Because unless the Dd wants her to do that, asks her, she will be mortified.

Kanga83 · 23/07/2019 19:44

You might think she's not kicked out, he however thinks he's won. He's the one that needs to go. He treats your dd differently to the others, he's not a dad. He's a twat.

gamerchick · 23/07/2019 19:44

Problem is your bloke 'has' kicked her out. No matter what you say she knows you'll take his side and will feel uncomfortable coming back.

Corner the fucker and tell him he either makes this right or he can pack his bags and fuck off himself.

IdaBWells · 23/07/2019 19:44

OP are you scared of your partner? Or are you scared of losing him if you don’t keep the peace by taking his side?

Quartz2208 · 23/07/2019 19:44

will she return though because all she sees is her mum letting her being mistreated by her step dad

saffy1234 · 23/07/2019 19:44

He needs to leave

category12 · 23/07/2019 19:46

Her father's not in her life (rejection) and her stepdad is unfair and makes her the outcast (rejection). And you're not protecting her or standing up for her (rejection) - she's going to have a shit ton of issues unless you step up, OP.

Step up.

WhoWants2Know · 23/07/2019 19:48

I think the reason people think you're siding with him is that you haven't really mentioned standing up for your daughter in this instance. You mentioned telling her that she doesn't have to move out. But we're missing a big "Over my dead fucking body" directed at him.

category12 · 23/07/2019 19:48

You think the dd isn't mortified about feeling she's had to leave her home, TheRedBarrows? You think that not actively trying to get her home again isn't sending the signal that OP isn't that bothered?

Mermaidsinthesand · 23/07/2019 19:50

Some very harsh comments on here tonight but undoubtedly deserved

If you dont stand up to the so called DP your teaching her unhealthy relationships with men. Do you really want your daughter to turn out like yourself a doormat to shit behaviour of men?

He is emotionally abusive towards your DD. Step up now or regret it later on

Juells · 23/07/2019 19:53

She's certainly not been kicked out, I made it clear to her that she wasn't but she still wanted to go and stay at her friend's instead

She's been kicked out. The poor girl, my heart bleeds for her.

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