Is 49 a reasonable age, for your sex life to be over?

[AmIaskingfortoomuch]

Would love some opinions on this. I'm 49. DH is 46. Our sex life is leaving me wanting (under statement). Having been rejected many times, I have stopped initiating. We tend to go 3 weeks, then I get grumpy, he realises he needs to step up....we have sex...and then another 3 weeks goes by. This is the cycle we are caught up in.

We have had "the chat" a gazillion times. Every time we do have sex, he says how much he misses it (and misses me) and promises to change. But change never happens.

This month I have made a conscious effort not to get grumpy when 3 weeks have passed with no sex. We are due to go on a date on Saturday, and by then it will be four weeks without sex. I'm not saying a word. I'm going to see how many weeks he can go without. I might send him a Congrats card if we make 10 weeks.

Anyway, my real question is whether I'm expecting too much, to have a regular sex life at 49? What age do you think is acceptable for it to be all over?

To answer your question dont give up on wanting sex. Myself and my partner are early/mid 50's and love sex.

You both have a different sex drive, maybe when you hit the menopause it will wane, it didn't with me ut I have friends who are early 50's and don't fancy it much anymore.

@decomposingcomposers - TBH I think oral is a normally part of most relationships nowadays, it's a perfectly reasonable desire on the part of the OP but now is probably not the moment to push it. If they get things back on track maybe she can encourage him. If he isn't used to it then he should at least try and learn - I can't say I found it a wonderful experience the first time I gave my DW oral but it soon grew on me when I realised how much she enjoyed it. Now I find it immensely stimulating for both of us.

DH and I are 50 and our sex life is as active as it ever was, at least twice a week. I think would be more if I wasn’t recovering for cancer. DH is just as loving and keen as ever, always complimenting me.

Anothernick

I don't agree - no one should have to do anything that they aren't happy about, regardless of what most people are doing.

And he really shouldn't have to give it a go if he doesn't want to. Where do you draw the line? Does everyone have to give everything a go before deciding they don't like it?

I’ve entered the menopause years since 2017 (I’m now 47) and my sex drive has increased! Actually, went crazy a year ago and super horny! I’m not sexually compatible with my hubby. He was always so lacking in affection etc. and a big age gap.
I’m planning to leave.

I have zero sex drive and haven't for about 4 years.... I'm only 40. Husband not at all happy but doesn't want to leave. I couldn't even imagine it now which I know is dreadful. This thread has got me thinking. Looks after yourself OP, you're not in any different position since first post, as in you weren't prepared to bumble along then, so why now? If it was me I might put a time limit on it so you have a plan. A counselor will suggest an appointment for sex. Could you both do this?

Hope you're ok op

Is he a bit porn user?
Just wondering as it could be this that is the issue.

Chiochan at least read the OP's posts if nothing else ffs

There have been times when I had to think 'use it or lose it', a conscious decision was made to have sex regularly before it got to the point I felt we had lost that connection and I know sex was important to my husband. It worked for me.

Sorry for the derail OP. [I can only say @Shatnerswig that online casual sex has been a massive help to me - sorted a lot of things out. I don't think it's as easy to get for the blokes though. On the plus side, there are fewer risks for the guys.]

Temporary You're right. It isn't! Probably because there are too many married men and arseholes on there. And, of course, the women can rightly pick and choose and if you've got the choice between a very good looking guy with a gym-buff body, and an average looking guy with an average sort of body, who ya gonna call?

Mans perspective here.

My ex and I gradually stopped having sex. It was the by far the biggest reason we divorced. I have a fairly normal sex drive (once to twice a week sounds heavenly...) but she just didn't seem to have one at all.

I got progressively more and more frustrated, then came acceptance, then came a moment of clarity, when I realised my life was passing me by, and then came divorce.

Well done op for having the chat. I hope in your case it turns things around.

Oh btw, Oral is definitely part of a normal sex life assuming I can remember how

I'm 50, and having ditched the ex a few years ago, I intend to begin dating next year when I've got a few health issues sorted out. I bloody hope I'm not considered too old for sex, I ended up faking for far too long with my abusive ex, and I want decent sex.

OP, while your DH says he'll make changes, dont be afraid to consider leaving if those changes dont materialise.

@ShatnersWig maybe it’s just me, but average guy everyday please!

Sassie You're definitely the minority in my online experience!

@Whosorrynow No HRT here, mid-50’s and a very healthy sex drive.I think it is more to do with not having DC around all the time and just having some spare energy to put into the marriage instead of work and family.

SassiePuffin I wish - I can but dream...

Hope you are ok OP.

Theres a lot of research that says people in their 70's are having a healthy sex life. Happy days!

My dear friend who is 93 told she and DH enjoyed dtd until he went into nursing home 5 years ago. She is an amazing woman though

Bed hopping is very common in old people's homes and it's a group where stis are on the increase. So 49s nowhere even close to the end.

I suppose with the advent of viagra and cialis there's nothing to hold them back

My partner is not interested. Makes every excuse, kids (19 & 21)are in, too late and we have no intimacy at all. I go to kiss or hug her no response back or l get pushed away as "she's busy or doing something'
Tried the weekend away, same with holidays, might get a quickie if I'm lucky.
So much other stuff like just leading separate lives, nothing in common, the sarcastic comments etc. Makes me want to finally walk away after over 20 years and i have felt like this for at least the last 5.
Kids are both out tonight and she has been upstairs all night watching tv, whilst I'm sat downstairs posting on here.