Is 49 a reasonable age, for your sex life to be over?

[AmIaskingfortoomuch]

Would love some opinions on this. I'm 49. DH is 46. Our sex life is leaving me wanting (under statement). Having been rejected many times, I have stopped initiating. We tend to go 3 weeks, then I get grumpy, he realises he needs to step up....we have sex...and then another 3 weeks goes by. This is the cycle we are caught up in.

We have had "the chat" a gazillion times. Every time we do have sex, he says how much he misses it (and misses me) and promises to change. But change never happens.

This month I have made a conscious effort not to get grumpy when 3 weeks have passed with no sex. We are due to go on a date on Saturday, and by then it will be four weeks without sex. I'm not saying a word. I'm going to see how many weeks he can go without. I might send him a Congrats card if we make 10 weeks.

Anyway, my real question is whether I'm expecting too much, to have a regular sex life at 49? What age do you think is acceptable for it to be all over?

Oh bugger.

Possibly clutching at straws but maybe he doesn't feel comfortable with his own body.

Or you could have the typical male who just doesn't find menopausal or post menopausal women attractive there is tons of them about sadly

I'm not menopausal, not even peri-menopausal. Not that that should matter! I look pretty good for my age. Size12, lovely tits, no wrinkles yet...of course I don't look 22, but I'm not some sad old bat either!

I sent it on Whatsapp. It has the grey 2 ticks, so he hasn't read it yet/ I am NOT going to regret sending it in the morning. It needed to be said. Who the fuck watches porn and neglects the real woman in the same house? So WEIRD.

Well there were definitely some who had some self awareness because I got a few who told me they paid because they wouldn't be able to pull a good looking young woman without paying. I distinctly remember one 50 odd year old quite posh guy saying those exact words to me. I've also told on here before about this late 40s guy who chose me when I was on shift with this 43 year old scouser (the client got to choose who they wanted) he actually asked me why she was working there as she was too old... He was clearly older than her, I was 19 at the time!

So really nothing surprises me any and every kind of Man turned up even old Muslims in full Islamic gear beard and all.

I'm actually crying now. He will be home in 35 mins. Don't know whether to hide away in guest bedroom or confront him. He still hasn't read msge.

It's actually quite safe in the regulated parlours in Greater Manchester where this took place, we'd often chat with clients about our lives during beginning and end massage which is how I knew so many were married because they'd often go into great detail probably because I was the only person they could talk about It with. Many clients were lovely people I saw one crying when a girl who worked there died in an accident, so they arnt all heartless bastards but I didn't have kids at the time and if I ever did it again I wouldn't want to talk about them but tbh some womens bodies have obviously had kids and it's the same for escorts plenty with stretch marks and c section scars etc. Not all the women are young and gorgeous either

We have a dream holiday booked for Nov for my 50th. Don't even want to go now.

OP - sending a text like that is exactly the type of thing I would do. Things come to a point where they have to go one way or the other. This stalemate bullshit is enough to drive anyone crazy.

I would imagine that C section scars = mens beer bellies. WTF

Well done OP for sending the message.

He's been like this for 11 years so he's not going to change but at least you've got it off your chest.

Divorce the fucker, you have got years ahead of you.

My only question is why on earth did you stay all these years when it was obvious from the start that you were incompatible?

WoofWoofMooWoof Thank you for that. He still hasn't read it. His shift finishes at 11pm, I imagine he will see it then and shit himself.

Amiaskin sorry i didn't mean your a frumpy old bat but I've heard some men describe it as a natural phenomenon whereby a woman your age is unlikely to have healthy children so his natural sexual attraction disappears and usually goes to younger women either in porn or real life.

How true this is I don't know.

It’s fucking shit. I honestly can’t believe some of the answers on here. Just a long shot but wonder if perhaps porn might be the answer... to initiate sex if that’s what turns him on?

For all those saying at 49 you shouldn't bother about sex, that's complete bollocks. Most women I know at my age are having better and more frequent sex in their 40s and 50s. Less hang ups and inhibitions.

I think that was a very good text normally texts like that are very cringey but yours was spot on

Yay - great text OP, you were so right to say it. I got divorced at 50 and have had more sex in the last 6 years than my enture life before that! Also much, much more exciting and enjoyable than in my marriage. Ive talked to lots of other women who feel same - our 50s can be the best of times sexually, fuck all that menopause bollocks it's so not true for loads of us.

But he is watching it and not turning that in to wanting it with me.

Regards the children thing...my kids are adults (20 & 22) it isn't about that and he has no kids and has never wanted kids.

Still GREY ticks. Fuck I think he might be home tho, i can hear something

False alarm! No car outside.

Op you have sent it now so no getting away from it. It was very direct and perhaps that will work. In getting the outcome you want.

FWIW everyone has different sex drives and at different times. Sex obviously means a lot to you whereas if my dh wanted sex once instead of twice per week I wouldn't care. Im mid 30's. But we are very affectionate daily. I wonder if your dh uses porn as he felt that he was being pressured by you (inadvertently)?

@AmIaskingfortoomuch On the off chance you're regretting your message, you can delete it. Not saying you should though, just if you wish you hadn't sent it.

That is so good to hear that women in their 50s are having good sex! Still 2 grey fucking ticks on whatsapp, which means he hasn't left work yet. I'm getting tippsier (is that a word?) by the minute, so think I will retreat to the guest bedroom (my sons actually, before he left for Uni) and bed down there with some more wine and listen to my latest music love, that is Lewis Capaldi :-) DH won't come looking for me, even when he gets the text (says it all). Am I right here?

I mean, do you think I'm right to be dismayed at the lack of sex versus the porn watching?

He's your 2nd husband? What relationships did he have before you? Could he be gay?

Been following the thread.

I had this problem in my last relationship. I was mid twenties. I left and I've had lots of amazing sex since.

Some men just prefer porn, I don't think it's a reflection on the woman they're with. I wouldn't put up with it ever again, wasted my early 20s.

I think you're text was clear and to the point.
You deserve better.

And yes I think you're right to be dismayed.
It's not a little bit of porn, he's replaced intimacy and sex with his wife with porn. Porn is his primary sexual relationship. It's not on.