Menopause and your drive decreases, lol that's funny. Same with guys don't find menopausal females sexy. How does either of these explain oaps still at it to the point that they have hit headlines about the high numbers of std's?
I'm a couple of years younger. I hope I will be still having an active life in my 50's and beyond. I'm now menopausal and my already high drive has increased. Not having to think about birth control and the potential failure has played a huge part in this. 1-2 times a week isn't excessive, but like I said I have a high drive and have sex more than this.
I was in a similar relationship albeit there was no porn involved. The resentment built and built. I felt rejected constantly and I would have gone nuclear if he prefered porn to me. It's not just about feeling unwanted it also impacts you as a person and your self-esteem. He was slowly destroying me internally to the point I couldn't see that anyone would want me. I am not saying intimacy is the be-all and end-all, but once that goes you start to see other issues. So I get why you are posting. And I also understand the sexual frustration. Toys are great, but not a long term solution as you then start to miss the body contact. It becomes less enjoyable.
It's not like this is a recent thing for you. You have tried and it's been discussed and you end up back in the same place. Does he even discuss his reasons why? I know that technically it's his choice, but when you are in a loving relationship then you should be comfy talking about this stuff.
I watch porn a lot, but I don't reject my partner for it. Sometimes we watch together. I know he does when alone, but to watch it instead of having sex, not a chance. He didn't even need to take you to the bedroom, he could have bent you over desk!!
Drunk texting isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's easier to text than rehashing the same conversation. For some reason when alcohol is involved people are more open. Plus in your case I think this was has saved you an argument.
However, he could also be feeling badgered and like you only want him for sex. Hence having an open dialogue about the whys is important. For him, because he doesn't want children the potential for an accident plays on his mind. But of course, this is just conjecture.
It seems you have reached that crossroads. Do you stay or do you go. You mentioned you want a divorce in the text. The question is is there enough in the marriage to continue like this for the next 10 years. When I asked myself that same thing, it wasn't. It wasn't just about the sex, but that closeness of kissing, cuddling, the emotional support and curling up together to watch something. It's like when the intimacy dies so does the romance. It becomes more that you feel like you are lodgers.