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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He did it again

288 replies

Ilikesleepinginthedark · 21/07/2019 19:42

NC.

Sitting here with a swollen black eye. Don't know whether to report as I don't want social services to be involved.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 12:52

DO NOT DROP THE CHARGES. Why your mum isn't supporting you, I've no idea. I would support my adult daughters! his friend is talking bollocks too.

HeavenlyEyes · 22/07/2019 12:53

If your child was assaulted would you be telling them to go to the police or would you be telling them to drop the charges? Come on - you know what you need to do. Find your courage and keep going. And as I said - police have him in custody. Why would they let him go now? This is not even your decision.

Again- have you called Women's Aid yet?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 12:53

If you drop the charges, you and your DC will suffer again and again. SS will support you to be free of him.

Quartz2208 · 22/07/2019 12:54

you need to proceed - they will not take your children away

Original poster
Ilikesleepinginthedark · 22/07/2019 12:54

Storm He said he called me, which he did but my phone was off. I told him that even if he did, call me, that's no excuse just to come to our house unannounced.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilikesleepinginthedark · 22/07/2019 12:55

I have been calling Women's aid but they are very busy, can't get through. Will keep trying.

OP posts:
sallievp · 22/07/2019 12:56

Please please please do not drop the charges....and please tell police about what his friend has said... show any proof you have....you have done nothing wrong. He is a vicious bully. You will not lose your job or lose your child.

forgivemeimnew · 22/07/2019 12:56

No no no! Please do not drop the charges, if you don’t do anything now it will only get worse. You are trying to protect your child by standing up to him and informing the police and SS, this will go in your favour Flowers

Isatis · 22/07/2019 12:56

The friend is talking absolute rubbish, pay no attention to him. Anyone who tried to defend an assault charge against a woman when a small child was present by saying the woman antagonised him would be laughed out of court.

Witchofthenorth · 22/07/2019 13:01

Echoing everything said. Please please do not drop the charges. The friend is a bully just like your ex. He is trying to intimidate you. He cannot make your child be taken from you.

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Please believe this.

popsadaisy · 22/07/2019 13:01

Block his friend he will be saying whatever he can to scare you. You have done the right thing and I hope the police have offered to support and guidance through this?

Sagradafamiliar · 22/07/2019 13:02

I'm really sorry but it's not up to you whether the charges will be dropped anymore. Please don't engage with these liars texting and calling you.
You've done so unbelievably well. Leave this to the police now and report any threats.

Sunburntnoseandears · 22/07/2019 13:02

If Ss know you have been to hospital you need to be seen to be protecting your dc - and yourself - he needs to be kept from your home. Your dc - and you - need and deserve a safe living environment..
Dropping the charges is a very bad idea. And your friend is def no friend. And ask your dm if she would be happy to identify your body one day...
Keep her at arms length for now. Can't imagine what she is playing at tbh..

TheSerenDipitY · 22/07/2019 13:04

drop those charges and SS will start looking at your decision making and weather you are a fit role model for a child.... fucken wake up and stand up for your self... he wont stop until you stop him... your child will end up thinking this is normal and repeat it when he/she gets older.... ENOUGH! an abuser wont stop until you stop them, SO STOP HIM! you were strong enough to leave him once, stay strong and stand up to him again, and again ,and again, and again until you no longer need to, but be ready to stand up to him at a moments notice! BE STRONG!

Winterlife · 22/07/2019 13:06

Tell the police your mother is concerned his friends will come after you.

His friend is horrible. You are not to blame for your ex hitting you.

writersbeenblocked · 22/07/2019 13:10

Whatever you do, DO NOT DROP THE CHARGES.

He will do this again.
And again.
And again.
To you, and possibly your DS.

Report all and any threats, and do not respond to them. And DO NOT DROP THE CHARGES.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/07/2019 13:12

Has he definitely been charged, Op? I'm worried you could be receiving bad (but well intended) advice. Are the police keeping you up to date with the case?

peachsquish · 22/07/2019 13:13

Dont drop the charges.

Benes · 22/07/2019 13:13

I feel worried maybe I should just drop the charges. Can you do that ? His friend said I antagonised him and I brought it onto myself.

Please do not drop the charges. He will do this again and it will be worse.
It doesn't matter even if you did antagonise him. It is NEVER acceptable to hit a person.This was not your fault.

The best thing you can do is report this - you need to provide a safe environment for your child.

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck · 22/07/2019 13:14

Don’t drop the charges
Don’t allow DC to see him again
Don’t believe a fucking word his mate says

Cutantrim · 22/07/2019 13:15

Please take strength from the hundreds of women reading this and absolutely rooting for you!

MotherofTerriers · 22/07/2019 13:15

Don't drop the charges. Report the threats to the police. You need to do this for your child's sake

Sagradafamiliar · 22/07/2019 13:17

She can't 'drop the charges'.

Orlandointhewilderness · 22/07/2019 13:18

You can't drop the charges - only the police can decide to not take it further.

Iwantacookie · 22/07/2019 13:24

Please don't drop the charges.
What happens if next time it's the morgue your in not the hospital?
Are you willing to take that risk?

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