I’m 35 - shall I settle?

[toffeeapple123]

Time is ticking. Shall I settle to have the family I’ve always wanted?

Toffee I really don't see that you have a lot to lose (except have your heart broken ) go for it. If this woman mentioned him to you she clearly sees you as being in his league too, so that's quite the compliment.

I know Toffee believe me I had a MASSIVE crush on him. I learnt a very important lesson. Once we began to go out I realised in my lustful fantasies I had projected onto him all these qualities that he just didn't possess. Like when he was quiet it was because he was a seething mass of passion and darkly brooding. In reality it was because he had nothing to say as all he was pondering was Arsenals game on Saturday. I could not have got it more wrong. He is a lovely man and I believe is very happily married.

So what should I message him??

I always feel that you yourself are responsible for most problems in your life (as I am for mine – it all becomes easier once you accept that). It’s quite unlikely that there are no suitable men where you live, you don’t exactly live in a small city. Only a bit younger than you and I’ve never once experienced love at first sight. Never used OLD, but pretty sure there are decent people on there. You probably just need to rethink how you select matches. Nothing wrong with wanting a successful partner.

Can you ask the lady that suggested him to match make you ? lol

Now this is something I am extremely rusty on having been happily married 23 yrs.

You need to phrase it with open questions so he can't just give you "yes" or "no" answers. Like "What do think of the meetup group?" Rather than "do you like the meetup group?".

IABUQueen Haha I wish but it won't be possible - I don't remember her name, and this isn't a weekly event, it's very sporadic when people show up and take part etc. Chances are very low we'll meet again.

Where does he live, is he near you?

In London, I think so

This thread makes me sad. It’s almost saying if you didn’t get butterflies your not in love.
Real love is more than infatuation, the butterflies always fade. If you get that complete feeling when they come home or when they smile at you after 15 years that’s love. Real love is gradual and you have to work at it.
Go have a child and do it alone and if you find love later then great. God this thread is depressing....

Go have a child and do it alone No thank you. Would rather be alone.

Ohhh in that case,

A very honest :

“ I met a lady called .... at the meet-up and we got talking and she advised me to get in touch with you as she said you were looking. I think I'm interested (blush). Would you like to go for coffee?”

IABUQueen Oh my that's far too forward for me!

God this thread is depressing.... it's an even more depressing situation to be in

😁 I honestly would.

My DH had a girl message him something similar on Facebook. We were engaged and she didn’t know.

Neither I nor him were offended. He respected it and felt bad to disappoint her. He just said to her that he is engaged and wishes her well and respects her honesty.. he honestly did!

Ok Toffee you give the impression that you're very attractive if so DH thinks send him a message including your photo and you should get a response.

Maybe "Hi a mutual member (name of member) in our meetup group told me about you and thought we have a lot of common. I wonder if we do?" With a great photo.

Maybe "Hi a mutual member (name of member) in our meetup group told me about you and thought we have a lot of common. I wonder if we do?" With a great photo.

I agree this is a better way . Wouldn’t send my photo though. If this is via Facebook I would just put my photo somewhere on my profile.

Could you not add him on social media first?

I personally wouldn't say "I think I'm interested" etc. You will have made the first move, if he likes your photo he will take it from there.

Does it perhaps sound a little formal?

How about:

"Haha they were right, you are cute! Are you going on an event through the group any time soon?"

Hithere12 found him on the meet up website, and social media. i haven't even met the guy, wouldn't want to add him.

What is the meetup group about?

IdaBWells physical activity of some kind, go away on day trips etc

I think the ' you're cute' things is too forward. He might find that abit cringey. Can you not just send a simple 'hello, how are you? A friend told me about you at the meet up event and I just thought I'd say hello!'

It could be too formal as I met DH back in day before cell phones and even Apple/windows . Guys are just very visual, if you are also cute then of course let him know that (somehow) asap.