Decided to get pregnant before divorce

[applecrunch92]

So before you guys start judging me, I have been going back and forth in my mind about this for quite a while. So I've been married for nearly 2 years now and have a 7 month old DS, it's been extremely difficult in my marriage which resulted in us depressing for 5 months with no contact what's so ever.
Long story short we've reconciled due to family and have now decided to give it ago.
It's been a month now of us living back together and I can honestly say that I do not love him at all!! Now more than ever it's clear to me that he isn't the one that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.
So I've decided to seek divorce but before having the chat with him I'd try to conceive as I want DS to have a sibling form the same father. I mean who knows how long I'd find another partner, I'd never want DS to grow up alone. Regardless I'll be a single mother anyway so 2 kids to me won't make that much of a difference.
I know that you guys must be thinking I'm crazy, but I'd rather get having kids out the way rather than meeting someone in 5 years time and having to constantly think about giving DS a sibling. The plus side is that they'll have each other. Has anyone been through this? Am I crazy for thinking like this ? There's no way that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with my husband so they're won't be another chance.
I need as much advice as I could get, I've been thinking about this Non stop.

Within two weeks of marriage we got into an argument and he because physical (slapped 5x) this started to become a continuous pattern.

And yet you feel it's a great plan to make a SECOND child have a violent man for a father? Purely for your own convenience? Wow.

I have no words. This has to be a joke.

Orchidflower1
You're absolutely right I could be looking back in a few years time and think what the hell was I thinking. I might find find someone who makes me happy and treats my child as his own.

Regardless I'll be a single mother anyway so 2 kids to me won't make that much of a difference. Errrr Hello ? Wtf !!!!

Get a sperm donor

Just one problem with this ... in the UK, it's not usual for a reputably sourced donor to be required to pay maintenance

With anyone selfish enough to consider OP's idea, I'm afraid I'd take any comments about "not intending to claim" with a very big pinch of salt

It’s the way you’ll be going about it that’s wrong. Plain wrong.
Would you ever, honestly, be able to look your kid in the eye and tell them that’s how they were made, under false pretences!!
If your DH got you pregnant without your knowledge, and you wanted to leave him, and he did this in order to trick you into staying, be honest, how would you feel?

It's reprehensible to have another child with someone you know is abusive. This is probably the most selfish thing I've ever heard.

Oh so you're prepared to force yourself to have sex with someone for 3 months, even though doing so gives you 'depression'? You're laughing in the faces of victims of sexual abuse and MH problems.

The comment about only children is deeply offensive. It’s offensive to those who choose to have one child, it’s offensive to those who have secondary infertility (which, who know might affect you)/ and it’s offensive to anyone who is an only child.

You cannot possibly know that children need a sibling. There are plenty of siblings who never communicate, or if they do, it’s to be abusive to one another.

Your proposed behaviour is selfish and thoughtless and wrong on so many levels. It’s appalling.

To anyone that's saying I'd be tricking him I wouldn't be, we've discussed the prospect of another child and he agreed. So it won't come as a surprise to him if I got pregnant.
Now.... the issue is I know he isn't the one for me. I know someone's mentioned that I might be lying about my abuse which is very hurtful to say the least, who would lie about that. He has hurt me and treated me really badly in the past, but now he's changed he's not as verbally abusive ... but I just don't like him At All!!!! We separated for 5 months I was alone with the baby by myself.
I grew to resent and hate him if I'm being honest, he hasn't shown me any love or support. He baby sits and looks after the baby that's about it. And when ever he wants to get intimate I think of a million excuses. It's been extremely hard emotionally/mentally when we separated. I was extremely hurt and felt very alone.
And now that he's back I just despise him.

It's very selfish to plan to get pregnant knowing that the child's father will never get a proper chance of parenting the child. How would you feel if the tables were turned, you had a baby then someone took it away from you?

*Having a sibling does make life more enjoyable for your child.
*
Wow, you don't want to be judged for your, quite frankly, ridiculous plan and yet you make a sweeping judgement like that. You're not an only child. You have no idea what it's like to be an only child just as only children have no idea what it's like to have siblings. You're basically saying that all only children don't enjoy life as much as those who have siblings? Piss off. Judging by your plans my only child is going to have a much happier life than your potential two are.

Then fucking leave, seriously. Sort it out.

I wish you could read your stuff as we are, you look ridiculous.

Oh you know what I've got to hide this because it's honestly infuriating me. Yeah sounds like the abuse was awful and you really despise him, that's why you're in a fucking relationship with him BY CHOICE.

Ginger1982

It might be ridiculous to you because you've never been in my shoes. You're right I'm not an only child and I don't know what it's like to be one. I come from a large family and am basing it on that.

Exposing a child to domestic abuse is child abuse. Therefore you are complicit in this as you are knowingly doing it. Shame on you.

It might be ridiculous to you because you've never been in my shoes.

Please stop 😂 this post needs to staaaaaaaaap

You ARE tricking him fgs. He is agreeing to have another baby as a FAMILY. If he knew what your plans are and that he will have to pay maintenance for TWO children and not just one then he would not be quite so amenable. You are lying to yourself if you believe otherwise.

I can see why you would want a sibling for your child but he sounds awful I think make a clean break and find someone you love to make a baby with.

Haven't spoken to husband in 5months www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3567776-haven-t-spoken-to-husband-in-5months

OPs thread from April. Eye opening.

Well, you’re prepared to be dishonest about everything else by tricking your husband into a pregnancy he has no idea about when you’re planning to leave him so once you lie about that it’s perfectly believable that you’re lying about the DV to win favour from posters on here.

You say your h is open to the idea of another child? Of course he is, he believes you’re in the process of reconciling. So if he’s so open to the idea why not say to him “you know, I would love another baby and for that baby to be a full sibling to our existing one, but I also want a divorce, so if you could just stick around and have sex with me for however long it takes for me to get pregnant and then leave that would be fabulous. Ta.” Do you think that he’d agree to that? And if not, why not do you think?

This is not how anyone should go about creating new humans. OP, you do so many people a disservice here. It’s purely selfish. The only person in the world who is capable of enduring you have chosen a good father for your child is you. Literally the most important choice you can make. And you’re going to bypass that because it doesn’t suit you.

I don't understand why you'd do this to yourself and child, seemingly only to gain two children from the same abusive father. You say you're doing this for your child, but he will gain a very stressed mother and father who will then ( it sounds rightly so) separate, he will then have a sleep deprived mother, not to mention finances. You need to be sure you can support two children completely alone. Why would you do all this just so they can have the same father. He is abusive, why would you want him in two of your children's lives. None of this makes sense. It's 2019, people are not going to judge you for having two children with different father's, they may however judge you for doing it this way. And contrary to what some people may say, having two children absolutely DOES make a difference to your life. They cost twice as much, take twice the time, play with different toys and have different taste, it is not a seem less transition at all. I have two boys with two dad's, both are involved, both I was in longish relationships with, 7&3 years. This will not work out well, not so much for your stbxh, but for you and your child. Children do not need siblings.

@DtPeabodysLoosePants good find.

Social would have a field day with this. Thank god for anonymity eh?

You are behaving like a spoiled child, arguing because people don’t agree with you. You come across as completely self unaware, self obsessed and quite frankly, lacking in emotional intelligence.

If you can’t see that you’re ‘want, want, want’ then we aren’t going to persuade you. Please, please do t have another child.