Decided to get pregnant before divorce

[applecrunch92]

So before you guys start judging me, I have been going back and forth in my mind about this for quite a while. So I've been married for nearly 2 years now and have a 7 month old DS, it's been extremely difficult in my marriage which resulted in us depressing for 5 months with no contact what's so ever.
Long story short we've reconciled due to family and have now decided to give it ago.
It's been a month now of us living back together and I can honestly say that I do not love him at all!! Now more than ever it's clear to me that he isn't the one that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.
So I've decided to seek divorce but before having the chat with him I'd try to conceive as I want DS to have a sibling form the same father. I mean who knows how long I'd find another partner, I'd never want DS to grow up alone. Regardless I'll be a single mother anyway so 2 kids to me won't make that much of a difference.
I know that you guys must be thinking I'm crazy, but I'd rather get having kids out the way rather than meeting someone in 5 years time and having to constantly think about giving DS a sibling. The plus side is that they'll have each other. Has anyone been through this? Am I crazy for thinking like this ? There's no way that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with my husband so they're won't be another chance.
I need as much advice as I could get, I've been thinking about this Non stop.

Right so rather than finding a decent man to have babies with in future, you’re just going to bring another baby into the world with a lowlife who you don’t like.
Your DS doesn’t need siblings and won’t ‘grow up alone’ if you have no other children. He’ll have friends at school and cousins if he has any. I loved being an only child before my brother was born.
Making a rod for your own back here.

You want to have another child with a man who's physically assaulted you so your kids have the same Dad.....
Surely you can't think that is a good idea!

Stop having children with an abusive man.
Stop involving children in an abusive relationship.
Your own behaviour here is ridiculous.

That's probably not the genetic material you want to use to make baby #2. Find a better man.

you give women a bad name
Errrr no she doesn't. And all this talk about 'conning' and 'tricking' is bull and pisses me off. A man cannot be tricked into having a baby. If he doesn't want another child there are ways to avoid it and if he does want another child then he wants a child, there's always a risk that circumstances might change and you accept that going into it.
That being said I don't think it is fair to be dishonest and would be better if you were honest. But since you'll be the one going it alone OP, of you think you could cope with 2 on your own and it's how you want it to be then maybe you should. OPs husband doesn't have to have unprotected sex if if doesn't want another child.

I think your incredibly selfish!
Your still tricking him into having a baby with you under false pretences 🤷🏼‍♀️ He will be thinking you’ll be a family but actually you’ll be leaving him. How will you manage a newborn baby and another child on your own? It’s not easy with a partner nevermind alone.

Surely if he happily has sex with you then you haven't tricked him into anything. He must know when you have sex you risk having a child? That's a risk you automatically take when you have sexual intercourse, even condoms/the pill etc isn't 100% to stop that happening.

Threadreaper, i think it's more the not telling him of her intentions of leaving his after she's pregnant.

I do however agree it is under false pretences as he isn't aware that you're wanting a divorce afterwards

How will you get a divorce exactly? Because won't get one on unreasonable behaviour if you choose to continue relations and get pregnant after he has hit you. I was asked by my solicitor why I left it so long after I found out about the things my ex was doing because by living with it you are giving the message you're accepting of it. A bit like the adultery clause, you can't apply for a divorce based on adultery if it's over 6 months since you found out and you lived with them in that time.
Why the fuck did you ever reconcile with a violent man? Why would you risk having to subject 2 kids to contact with a violent man!

Crazy and selfish.

You want to have another baby from an abusive prick who slapped you around from the first week of marriage? 🙄. Great.

I actually feel really bad after reading all the comment. My intentions are not to trick or to con someone, he has treated me badly since the start of my marriage I have tried my best to keep the marriage together for the sake of my son, because I don't want him growing up in a broken home. And for anyone calling me selfish I'm actually doing it for my son not me I could do with out the 9 months and the labour pains 😑

He's happy with having a second child and does not mind AT ALL!! And I don't mind looking after two kids on my own, I know it's not easy but I can do it. Biology is not on my side either, and who knows when I'll meet someone. I just wanted to hear similar stories or anyone that's gone through with it .

I'm sure he is happy with having a 2nd child, is he also happy about the divorce/does he know?

You want to expose another child to an abusive individual? WTF.

no I won't be tricking him into a baby I'll tell him that I'd want a baby ( he has mentioned that he wouldn't mind) however what he doesn't know is that eventually I will be leaving, I just don't know when the right time would be.

So, yes you would be tricking him.

It is attempting to trick him though. If you were to say to him that you want a baby, but will then divorce him, what would he say? I’d guess the answer would be negative.

You are foolish to contemplate it. Particularly as you don’t like him and he doesn’t sound like a positive influence in your life.

He's happy with having a second child and does not mind AT ALL!!
But presumably if you haven't had "the divorce chat" with him yet what he's actually happy with is having a second child within his ongoing marriage? Yes he sounds like a shit but this is still quite underhand if you're not going to be upfront with him.

I'm actually doing it for my son not me
I never really understand this line of thinking tbh having grown up perfectly happy as an only child. There's no automatic guarantee that the siblings will get along well together forever or that he "needs" a sibling... and even if he did I don't think these are the ideal circumstances to provide one :/

He's happy with having a second child and does not mind AT ALL!!

Of course he is - he is unaware that you intend to leave him once you know you’re pregnant.

My intentions are not to trick or to con someone

So you're going to say "I'm going to leave you but let's have another baby first"...?

All sorts of wrong.

You aren't staying for your son, you're staying for you. Your son would be better off in an abuse free household, your home is already about as "broken" as they come.

Don't use your son as an excuse to stay - and that is what it is, an excuse.

Why not have a baby with a sperm donor? It’s pretty much what you’re planning anyway.

Oh and yes, everything else aside, as others have said this man has been physically abusive to you, why would you willingly expose ANOTHER child to that? If he's horrible to you he is likely to be horrible to them.

How will you feel about your DC spending time with their violent father? He might want 50/50 child care.