He has just pulled up in van and is packing to leave

[Allinadaystwerk]

STBXH is leaving as I type this. I don't know what to do with myself. After reading lots of threads on mn I realise there has been abusive behaviour throughout our relationship (narcissist) and I have really been worn out to the point of chronic illness. But right here right now I have so many mixed emotions ranging from 'thank God he's going' to 'oh crap what will I do without him'
My dc are pre teen but seem absolutely fine with him going?? Which is a bit worrying I guess.

Shall I just stay out the way? Should I say something? He just said "considering I brought everything in here what do you think i should take?"
I said take what you think you should.. I'm currently hiding out in my bedroom.

Well done! Still change all the locks, he had had time to get copies.

You can do this x

Fucking well done you!!! Absolutely brilliant OP. Be aware he may up the ante in terms of causing hassle because you’ve asserted yourself and he will want to kick back against that. Be prepared for it and stay calm. Don’t engage in any baiting attempts to draw you into discussion or negotiation or even an argument.
Well done OP. You will be fine!

He considers you “an enemy”.
Remember his words.

Hi OP. Well done for taking that first step - it can't have been easy.

Just a reminder to change the password/pin code on any account you have which may be aware if, eg bank account(s), email accounts, any online shopping accounts, your computer, phone, tablet. etc. If he's aware of your username and/or password for any personal savings/pension that you personally hold maybe change those also.

Also, if you share a bank account for either bills/food or savings etc perhaps consider moving half of the funds to an account he has no access to in case he drains that account.

If you have not also investigated to see what benefits you might be due then do check those also. Check with Citizens Advice or www.entitledto.co.uk.

Remember to contact your Council offices to get your discount on your council tax as you will only have one adult living at your property.

Hi OP, how are you? Xx

Hi totally.. im ok ... i think. Fluctuating emotions because love does not just die does it. But it's peaceful for now. Thank you for checking in. 👍

Maybe a bit overwhelmed?😕

OP well done that was friggin awesome!
You rock!

looked at me like he wanted me to die a painful death
considers me 'an enemy' Just keep that in mind.

Nope, love doesn't just die but you always gotta love yourself first and enough to walk away from those who have nothing but contempt in their hearts.

Hope you treat yourself to a nice big glass of wine/tub of ice cream/bar of chocy and have a nice night. Hopefully he'll leave you in peace this time :)

Thank you @teafor the wine and chocolate has really helped

It does take a long time to get back to being normal. You are on the way

well done.you'll have good days and sometimes not so good.but they'll be your days.xxxx

Allinadaystwerk you've done brilliantly. So glad you got the keys back. This is the most stressful time right now, but as you said in an earlier post, think about this time next year, when all of this will be in the past. I found it very helpful to have small things to look forward to that I could focus on - I'd arrange to meet someone for a coffee in a few days time, then something a bit bigger in a month, have a goal to have moved by six months, and so on. It lets you think about yourself rather than obsessing about 'what went wrong, could I have done something differently, why is he not like he used to be' etc..

31RueCambon
I'm sorry, I don't understand that. Do you mean he wanted her to be his driver?

Sorry, I was very unclear. She'd become a bit suspicious of him, and when she saw him looking at 'cars for sale' she realised he was checking to see how much he'd get if he sold her car. She was right, too - a year after they broke he was arrested for running a scam on a church fifty miles or so away.

Nope, love doesn't just die but you always gotta love yourself first and enough to walk away from those who have nothing but contempt in their hearts.
^^^
@TeaForTheWin is spot on. These words should be embroidered in gold thread!

Just RTFT you are doing brilliantly OP. I know it might not feel like but you are!
Your life is restarting now. Yes it will be tough but the best things in life are never easy.
I'm 17 years out of an abusive marriage and my life has changed beyond all recognition
Small steps and be very kind to yourself-you are awesome!!
We're all here to support you xxx

i told him his behaviour was abusive which resulted in a huge row and major offence was taken. He said he no longer feels safe around me and is leaving to protect himself.

lol yea sounds like blame shifting let him go. When you meet a nice decent man then you will be grateful. Get straight online and chat to people, men online, and it will help with the racing thoughts and will give you a bit of a rush also. Let him crack on.. there is many where he came from lol :)

Oh good grief no scorpiovenus. She is just out of a longterm abusive relationship and has co-dependency issues. You don't advise her to get back on the horse in order to feel good about herself! face palm You're like the little devil on the shoulder xD

She has to work through her co-dependency first and she is vulnerable. Dating again now would potentially land her in another cycle of abuse, especially considering narcissists often love bomb in the beginning (the 'bit of a rush') which can feel like what you need when you are low and then before you know it you are caught by another one. I get it that you probably just meant talking to someone though, for the buzz but...probably not a good idea.

I'm guessing op isn't thinking about stuff like that yet anyway though. She'll be wanting to get her health back first ect...but scorpious is right that if you can find something to start making you feel good about yourself again then that would be good. Maybe a hobby you enjoy or you could join a meetup group or something to get you out and about in company. You can start getting a bit of joy back now he is away :)

Not Interested in men at all in the slightest and can't see a day when I will be. Small pleasure today... DS had ketchup on his chips egg and beans and ate them on the sofa... without fear of reprisal or criticism or scorn. We just looked at eachother grinning. And let him leave some on his plate. Small freedoms

Ive starting decluttering and rearranging the house. So much stuff that has sod all to do with me. Nothing here is my taste everything was his choice.

Having to sit down now though. Over do it and I'm good for nothing. Got a special occasion tomorrow and need to be well for it. Don't know what I'll wear with new found freedom.

The ogre has gone, now you and your boy can just relax 😊

Ooh fun! Hmm... you could get some throws for the sofas, new lampshades maybe? Change things right up n make it feel more you :) Mind you, you've already removed one big cumbersome lampshade already xD

Oh that'll be good, excuse to stick some music on and have a dance about while you try stuff on! I vote something sparkly!

That's easy wear exactly what you want 👗
Good luck

@Allinadaystwerk I love that you and DS are rebelling!! Today is the start of your new life! xx

brilliant news op forget men and take care of yourself and your ds, hope it works out well for you both, you deserve some peace and much happier times