Do you see watching porn as cheating?

[jonesy22]

My DM has caught my stepdad watching porn. She is so hurt and doesn't know if she can look at him in the same way because she sees this as cheating.

I do understand where she is coming from but at the same time I feel a lot of men watch porn. (Women too!)

What do you think? I'm trying to console her but I don't really know what to say!

@AloneLonelyLoner and other "cool" "feminists" who think porn is just a bit of harmless fun and such jolly japes after a hard days graft in the hallowed C-Suite.

Just read this thread from this very site. There are countless others too. Here are real stories of women who have suffered permanent emotional and psychological damage sometimes from the age of 12 and younger from predatory men who wanted to use their bodies solely for their own pleasure.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3633066-How-many-women-has-this-happened-to-maybe-triggering

There is a harrowing story of a girl being forced at the age of 13 to have sex with three men and do things she repeatedly told them she did not want to do

Read it and tell me if you'd still be proud and happy for your daughter to go into this wonderful industry.

I don't think it's cheating, no. I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn, nor does he that I do but I can see how it could make someone feel insecure within their relationship if there are other factors at play.

For those crying 'all porn is rape and violence against women', what about those of us who prefer to watch gay porn? The gay porn market is massively dominated by female viewers, as well as male. Are those men being objectified and raped too? Yes some porn is unethical but not ALL and it's quite natural for people to want to see other people shagging. Sexuality is a massively broad spectrum with lots of different kinks - many people enjoy being exhabitionists and shagging for the camera. That's a kink in itself.

I think porn is improving, models are expecting better treatment, viewers are asking for more ethical ways of filming and many porn starts, straight, gay and anywhere in between, are mini celebs on Instagram and Twitter - making their own money through personal porn pages. A lot of what it is being said about porn is quite outdated (I'm not saying ALL) and the younger generations do have different views on it - and women wank too.

I am so depressed that so many women have bought into these lies from an industry built by and for men.

There have been countless studies that prove that prolonged porn use is progressive. I the beginning when page 3 would have been arousing - wouldn't even give them a semi now. Data from all the search engine providers consistently shows that men want harder and harder imagery to get them off. Before you know it- they are looking at illegal stuff in the pursuit of the evermore taboo.

If women don't stand up against this we risk normalizing rape culture. How depressing that even female CEOs are seemingly happy for this to continue.

So now you answer the question @StephanieSJW what are your feminist credentials? Other than being female you don't have any more than me. You really don't. One doesn't need to prove anything to be a feminist.

Superficialities aside (and these I do understand believe it or not) I believe in supporting women whatever their life situation, whatever their choices (or lack thereof). It is depressing. It's very fucking depressing. I am horrified that the world is so small for women that life choices have been subsumed to the use of our genitals. Nevertheless, you don't know what porn I watch, you really don't. I haven't said. You have judged me according to the word 'porn' and your decision as to what constitutes feminism. I have read enough Andrea Dworkin to know and understand the arguments against porn and actually I agree with 95% of it. I am woman enough though to not be told, by anyone, Woman or not, what I can and cannot do with my own life or body (within the confines of the law). A woman telling me what I should or should not accept or question, or telling me that I do not meet the criteria for feminist can just fuck off.

Actually that first sentence was ambiguous. Apologies. I am most definitely female.

StephanieSJW the fact that you feel okay implying that a child being sexually assaulted is remotely comparable to a grown woman or man choosing and consenting to fuck on camera for money or thrills makes me pretty sure you’re baiting for attention under the persona of a radical feminist SJW. If not, and you genuinely believe the disgusting tripe you’re spouting, I worry for your children.

For those crying 'all porn is rape and violence against women', what about those of us who prefer to watch gay porn? The gay porn market is massively dominated by female viewers, as well as male. Are those men being objectified and raped too?

HariboBrenshnio and this bizarre view put forward by Stephanie also runs into issues when you consider how much lesbian porn is out there, made by and for lesbians. No doubt she’ll scramble for another way to make this out to be ‘internalised misogyny due to the patriarchy’. I suspect she’ll claim that even lesbian porn is created for the male gaze. Conveniently dismissing and silencing the women who enjoy creating and watching such content. Because they couldn’t possibly do anything for their own sexual pleasure that doesn’t involve men, right? Almost like women’s sexuality only exists for the pleasure of men 🙄

Trying to speak for all women and dismissing every point made by actual women as ‘you’re just brainwashed by the patriarchy’: misogynistic sexist claptrap. Pretty insulting really. And bizarre.

Absolutely not - Me and my partner watch porn both separately and together...is totally not cheating IMHO

I think stephs dh watches it in secret, he can't tell her about it, I find this . So many women who don't like it have all sorts of arguments why others are bad to like it and how men are bad who watch.

You can have a loving relationship without having to shave it all off and do things you don't want to, and still enjoy porn together. Some people are just bloody boring.

Data from all the search engine providers consistently shows that men want harder and harder imagery to get them off. Before you know it- they are looking at illegal stuff in the pursuit of the evermore taboo.

Aw, is this your dh, no wonder you don't like it. We've watched for years can't say I've noticed any of your criticisms.

In a sense.

If DH watched porn I would view it as a betrayal.

That wouldn't be my main issue with it though.

Of course not.

Why are some women (and men) so plain bloody nasty on here. Ok if you and DH love it and it’s all open then I have no issue, that often isn’t the case, particularly in over45s, but if one partner plainly isn’t ok with it and particularly if it’s at the big habit level, it’s their right to know about it I feel so they can decide whether to continue with the relationship, just the same as if it was hidden gambling, boozing, debt etc . I think for many women it’s the lying and hiding that’s part of the issue

@AloneLonelyLoner
Woman or not, what I can and cannot do with my own life or body (within the confines of the law). A woman telling me what I should or should not accept or question, or telling me that I do not meet the criteria for feminist can just fuck off.

Well don't you sound just lovely! This isn't about you and your body - it's about the bodies of millions of women and girls - CHILDREN who are exploited by this vile industry.

When you get home from your CEO office back to Mrs AloneLonelyLoner for a nice evening of porn watching - do you ever ask him to share his search history with you? It might be enlightening.

@Chovihano
We've watched for years can't say I've noticed any of your criticisms

Would you be happy for your daughter to go into this industry?

I know a 16 year old girl that has been told by their "boyfriend" that she is being uncool and a prude she doesn't agree to a gang bang, being choked and then having his mates urinate on her face at the end.

This is what the normalizing of porn has done to our children.

I hope you're proud.

her boyfriend

Another example of what the normalizing of porn is doing to our children.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/3635749--Warning-teen-accessing-violent-videos-descriptions-of-sexual-violence-in-thread

If they are seeking this stuff out at the age of 14 and the fact that porn tends to be progressive (you need stronger and stronger stuff to have the same arousal over time) - what will these young men be seeking out by the time they are 24, 34 ?

No, not cheating. But I can’t shake the feeling that porn is grubby and nasty, and would struggle to fancy anyone who was that shallow.

Well after a night of debauchery beyond your wildest dreams.... No, been working really, I'm neither proud or ashamed Stephanie Am I allowed to watch porn miss, I'm a director of a company.

Do you not think it's the job of a parent to make sure their dc don't access porn? No way would my dc have been given internet access unsupervised until 16, apart from younger ones who are teens now. You educate them that kids may try to show them stuff which is vile, like the link you posted. You don't get that on mainstream porn sites, I'm not sure anyone would normalise that. I discussed all this with my kids, along with lots of other stuff to keep them safe.

If you give your kids unsupervised access to the internet knowing what is there you are being very naive or even neglectful in your duty as a parent. Or if you can't avoid internet as I can't with one of mine then you educate them.

Would I want a child of mine to be in porn films (not sure why you only mention girls) of course not, anymore than I'd want them to be lawyers defending criminals, or city wankers.

StephanieSJW this seems very personal to you? As an outsider coming in late it looks like your fellow commenters are giving measured responses and you are attacking them with very personal spit and bile.
Calling AlonelyLoners Husband 'Mrs' and thus implying he was emasculated by his brave and rare choice to take his wife's name was the one that did it for me.
Women should not be ripping into each other - we can have a conversation - but fundamentally We should be building each other up. As Feminists we should be respecting each others choices and seeking social, personal and political equality. We should not be using feminism as a banner to beat other women with - whose choices we do not agree with.

There are some sweeping generalisations here.

I’m female, l occasionally watch porn, my preference is (but not exclusively) for home made stuff with a partiality for lesbian footage. I prefer something that looks natural rather than hammy acting.

I am also happy to watch with others. I certainly would not say it’s a big factor in my life though.

@drcb83 👏👏👏👏 and thank you for your kind words. It means a lot.

Exactly this. Let's take some time to support all our sisters. All women. That for me is what feminism is.

I'm with Stephanie. But I'm a radical feminist formerly a liberal one.

The worst lie ever sold to me as a liberal feminist was that porn, surrogacy and prostitution was "empowering"

It's not. The studies show that sex crime goes up by 50% within 1k of strip clubs. That sexual assaults have become rife in secondary schools and are related to male access porn and surrogacy is creating a prostitution like industry in some of the poorest countries.

Our bodies shouldn't be for rent or for the consumable pleasure of men.

Not cheating but it does make me uncomfortable and always has done. My DH watched it when we first got together, he openly told me this. He masturbated daily, sometimes up to three times a day and usually would watch porn while doing so. As a result he had ‘death grip’ and struggled to ejaculate during sex for the first couple of months. Just want to add, we didn’t meet as teenagers either! This was in our mid twenties.

It made me feel like crap, I felt like he preferred the pornstars in some way to me or that I wasn’t as attractive as them hence why he could ejaculate ‘for them’ but not for me. It sounds weird looking back because we’re so far past that now but yes, it was a huge problem at the time. He no longer watches it (to my knowledge, can’t really think when he’d get time to tbh) and our relationship hugely improved once he stopped or at least cut down on it.