Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you see watching porn as cheating?

218 replies

jonesy22 · 09/07/2019 21:46

My DM has caught my stepdad watching porn. She is so hurt and doesn't know if she can look at him in the same way because she sees this as cheating.

I do understand where she is coming from but at the same time I feel a lot of men watch porn. (Women too!)

What do you think? I'm trying to console her but I don't really know what to say!

OP posts:
StephanieSJW · 12/07/2019 21:48

Do you use that retort in the Board Room?

butterflywings37 · 12/07/2019 21:51

No I don't class it as cheating and would not mind my dh watching it

Leftielefterson · 12/07/2019 21:56

No, not at all. Every single one of my boyfriends have watched/read porn.

jeaux90 · 13/07/2019 06:56

Every one of your boyfriends have watched or read porn.

This is the problem. It's so bloody normalised and yet porn is anything but normal. Porn hub is a festering pong hole of a site with the abuse of young women being the most popular hits.

Our young males accessing by phone has lead to sexual assaults and rapes in our secondary schools with over 5000 incidents in theee years including 500 rapes.

Stop normalising this shit. Women and girls are suffering or have most of you intenalised your misogyny so much you've stopped caring.

jeaux90 · 13/07/2019 07:01

And those lesbians on the bus that were beaten because they wouldn't perform those young men's fantasy of girl on girl porn.....

It's not cheating no, it's way worse.

Don't tolerate it.

thedancingbear · 13/07/2019 07:15

I tend towards the view that porn is problematic, for most of the 'usual' reasons. But StephanieSJW's pretty horrible personal attacks on other posters' partners and children on this thread are beyond the pale.

This place is absolutely rotten sometimes.

jeaux90 · 13/07/2019 08:02

Not just problematic. Not just harmful. A red flag. If you care to look at Jon K Uhler on Twitter.

drcb83 · 13/07/2019 08:06

@thedancingbear i know!
I think we left horrible and moved into bullying and intimidation a while back.

I stopped caring about this post because of it- which is the issue - and more about what kind of humans we share MN with :(

Pinkgin22 · 13/07/2019 10:26

*Well at least you're not hypocritical.

Would you be happy for porn to be included in your children's school guidance on careers as a positive and fulfilling career option?*

Well there is a difference here because porn is uniquely an x-rated career choice, so the information provided would have to be age appropriate (perhaps for school leavers) but yes, it is a career option & it is best that children are well prepared with all the information of the drawbacks and risks in such work as well as the positives. Like with other career choices.

I personally think as a nation our reservations to speak openly about sex and the complications that arrive from that are quite harmful, it leads to complex feelings of shame, confusion & mystery around the subject, especially for women. Which can lead them into going into the industry for the wrong reasons.

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 10:29

Do you think my words here against porn apologists and "cool feminists" are worse than the damage done by porn?

Pinkgin22 · 13/07/2019 10:31

Jeaux90 you realise it’s not just men that watch porn, its women too? And as you said, most men watch it, then why are you conflating an incident of homophobia & sexism with porn? If it was down to porn then surely everyone who watched it would be going out attacking women?

Pinkgin22 · 13/07/2019 10:37

@StephanieSJW I think your views on the subject are entirely wrong & yes, harmful.
Masturbation is normal. Visual aids are normal. Should there be more regulation around porn? Sure. But it has to be done in conjunction with empowering young women around sex. As young men already are. If we remove the feelings of judgement & shame from sex they can choose to go into the industry for the right reasons.

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 10:37

@Pinkgin22
you conflating an incident of homophobia & sexism with porn?

Are you serious?

Absolutely it was linked with porn!!!
Those thugs that beat up those women have been conditioned to believe that lesbians exist for men's visual pleasure. This is the result of the ubiquity of porn and click on demand performances for their pleasure.

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 10:39

your views on the subject are entirely wrong & yes, harmful

Tell me exactly what I have said which is "entirely" wrong. Be specific now.

crankyassnoperope · 13/07/2019 10:44

Do you think my words here against porn apologists and "cool feminists" are worse than the damage done by porn?

Well of that isn't the most black and white thing I've ever heard...

I personally have a real problem with porn, for my own reasons, and I make judgements on its users on a case by case basis the issue I have with condemning it wholeheartedly is that if I imagine a utopian future where women are not exploited and economically marginalised, well, there's porn. I think there will be sex work, and I think there are social conditions for women under which it can be a true choice and do no great social damage to women as a class.

But that time is not now.

For me, as a liberal feminist, I choose to fight to make the changes necessary in society rather than "making the personal political" and taking an issue with the women consumers and creators of porn. Their choice is only bad for women BECAUSE of our patriarchal society, and punishing women for it is just hand holding our own oppression.

So I want it to be safe. I want women to be equal in employment and in marriage so we have access to money and don't have to do things we wouldn't otherwise for men who are richer then they deserve to be. I want equal childcare and equal moral judgement on men. I want women to be seen by society for their power and achievements, not primarily as sexual servants to men. But I'm not going to lay into a woman for watching porn.

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 10:51

I'm not going to lay into a woman for watching porn

Neither will I.

But I will challenge the hypocrisy of
"Yes I am happy to watch porn with my darling hubby - as long as the industry only employs other peoples daughters - not our darling Lavinia Sqirrel"

codenameduchess · 13/07/2019 10:54

Neither will I.

That's exactly what you've been doing. It seems you are so irrationally angry you don't even know what you are arguing about. You clearly have an agenda here and it's not feminism.

Well said @crankyassnoperope

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 10:58

Same question to you @codenameduchess

Would you be happy for your daughter to go into the porn industry?

drcb83 · 13/07/2019 11:01

Stephanie, I think you are enjoying picking on and intimidating people. I think if we look at any focus of you life you will follow it with a religious fervour and try and crush anyone that thinks differently to you.
Your personal attacking of other people on this issue has completely detracted from the important question at hand.
You failed to make people think and come round to your idea.
All you changed is that more people dislike you.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 11:04

Excuse me @drcb83 I have been told several times in this thread to "fuck off" yet it is the porn users, apologists and enthusiasts who now claiming to be hurt.

Is it unfair to challenge the hypocrisy I highlight?

crankyassnoperope · 13/07/2019 11:10

Stephanie I don't think that question is as telling as you think it is. Would you be happy for your son to be a soldier and go to war? Two waste workers (bin men) die a month at work. Would you be happy if your son were a bin man? Porn is a physically and emotionally damaging business. No I wouldn't want that for my kid, but I wouldn't blow my top about it. Porn's not great for women, and neither's modelling. Boxing isn't great for men as a sex class, neither is MMA, but my kid not doing it won't change the world. I plan to change the world. That's what all feminists want at the end of the day; to change the world. And we are.

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 11:15

Would you be happy for your son to be a soldier and go to war? No

Two waste workers (bin men) die a month at work. Would you be happy if your son were a bin man? Yes

Simple to answer see.

drcb83 · 13/07/2019 11:20

Stephanie, 'Fuck Off' is not personal. It is a generic if strong request for someone to go away. Given some of the attacks you levelled at people it is unsurprising.
What you have done is attack people personally. Picked at their husbands, their children, their lifestyles.
You are antagonistic and are doing this cause no good at all.
You need to pull people with you but you just pushed them away.
As I said - all that has changed from your input here is that more people dislike you. You have not made people with different views think further about the cause - only about you....

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 11:21

I feel really sad that a bunch of CEO / Company Director porn fans dislike me. 😥

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 11:26

@drcb83

I don't believe you have answered my simple question...

Would you be happy for your daughter to become a pornstar?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.