My relationship is crippling me

[Tills85]

I have been with someone for about 6 months. We had a bit of a rocky start but then all was well. But for more than 1 reason I have always felt very anxious about it. I thought it was because I have been single for many years prior and wanted it to work so much. I would describe him as a bit of a lose canon. Good heart but a bit wild. He thinks a lot of himself and likes to talk about himself. I'm a quiet person and we kind of worked. But on many occasions I have noticed my needs are never a priority. Kind of like well you will be fine you always have managed. Recently we have made a decision we were both ready gor him to meet my DD. They hit it off and all was well. So it seemed. But tgere were cracks showing all the time. I think i knew it but wanted to ignore it. He has a short fuse with me not with others. I have to be very careful what I text, say or when I call. It is always on his terms, his time. He is keeping me on an arms lenght from his friends which I never met and family. I know he lied on number of occasions. Not about anything big but still. I am very forgiving and always kind of just leave it becahse I don't see a point in huge arguments. Byt recently something happend. He became very cold, distanced himself from me. Reduced contact. 1 day I have not heard from him all day which was unusual. But I left it. But hours later I text, called and nothing. When I called again his phone was off. I panicked because I had reasons to think he something could have happend to him (due to his health issues). I couldn't sleep all night I was driving myself crazy. I tried again in the morning and got through. He was very angry I woke him and put the phone down. I apologised but he has since ignired me and not spoke to me number of days. It is killing me and I don't know what to do. I cry can't eat or sleep. I'd so much rather him to tell me he's angry than to give me this silence treatment because it is killing me. Please don't judge me I just want need some advice. What do I do?

As I was fretting over my decision to walk away from my Narcissistic, my friend said to me ‘this is the process all the women who leave him go through. This is why he’s still single in his late 40s’

Well he saw you coming a million miles away didn't he op!

Not the sort of relationship you should be exposing yourself to, never mind a child.

OP, you can do this. I believe in you

Love yourself. No one else will. We came into this world alone and we leave it that way. Imbetween we need to treat our own self as precious

Beautifully put @anyfucker, let this be your new life mantra OP. 💎

Youhave a dd.
This relationship is crippling you
Get out fast and focus on dd
If a relationship does not enhance your life then drop it.

You don't love him...you love the idea of a relationship maybe. Love should not be this hard

if you allow a man to abuse you and disrespect you, thats one thing. I dunno, maybe theres something you like about it. The drama maybe? The excitement? The comfort of knowing hes like your dad?

To do it while you have a child alongside you, watching and learning about love and relationships, is neglectful and abusive to your child imo.

Would you like your daughter to end up in relationships like this when she is older?

The worst thing you can do is stay. For you but more importantly for your daughter. Don’t do what my mum did and fall into relationships with shitty men cos she thought she wasn’t “good enough” for decent men. And boy did they take advantage of that. It took its toll on her which in turn took its toll on me. Your kid will pick up on everything No Matter How Well You Think You Hide It. He cheated on you and all you did just now is call him cos he disappeared off the face of the earth and you were worried. Now he’s giving you the silent treatment but he has no intention of leaving you, just making you desperate enough that you will learn to never question him again. Like a rat in a lab getting an electric shock and then a treat. You aren’t stupid OP, you know this is wrong or you wouldn’t have posted. But read and re read your posts and see how you’re tying yourself in knots to blame yourself. Then re-read this again in your daughter’s (adult) voice. Because putting up with this will put her into the same position, guaranteed. Desperate for a man, any man’s approval. No matter how he treats her. You can leave. It’s not the Hotel California. It will be hard yes but leave, get therapy to work on your issues. And show your daughter the best possible life she and you deserve.

*P.s he knows ignoring you is 'killing you' and he's enjoying it OP. He's a sadistic fuck who is getting off on your pain. Take a minute to think about what this says about his character. This man is capable of far worse than he has already shown you. This is him on his best behaviour 6 months in. I would take his medical condition with a pinch of salt too. Narcs love to play the victim/sympathy card.

'How do I walk away?' block and delete the fucker. He certainly wont be expecting that and he definitely doesnt deserve any kind of explanation from you as to why. It's a tough lesson to learn but if you let people walk all over you then they will. Abusive men will keep on taking until there is nothing left and will walk away without a care in the world while you are left picking up the pieces. Dont let him do this to you. You have the power to refuse to be treated like garbage.*

THIS x1,000! Spot on @Jaffacakesaremyfave . Please listen to this OP and you'll save you and your little girl years of pain. He'll be furious if you stop playing his games and taking his shite because deep down he hates you. Sorry if that's hard to hear but I've been there and I want to spare you and your girl all the agony. Don't let her witness all this. Good luck. Be strong.

You will find someone else much better than this, and even if you didn’t, you are better alone than with someone like this.

End it.

I bet when you do though he will come crawling and you’ll gladly welcome him back. Don’t. He is a bad one.

OP, the first 6 months are the honeymoon period. The best a relationship is ever going to be. You're both in love, high on endorphins, on your best behaviour.

This sounds like a catalogue of misery.

Your partner is meant to make you happy, put your needs first, be considerate, love you.

Are you happy? Does this man make you happy??

He sounds awful:

I have always felt very anxious about it - why? Your brain is trying to tell you this is wrong for you

But on many occasions I have noticed my needs are never a priority - they should be

He has a short fuse with me not with others - so he can control his temper, he chooses to act badly to you

I have to be very careful what I text, say or when I call. It is always on his terms, his time. He is keeping me on an arms lenght from his friends which I never met and family. I know he lied on number of occasions. - lying already, walking on eggshells already?

He became very cold, distanced himself from me - game playing. Doesn't give a shit that you're upset.

If you love a piece of shit excuse for a man like this, why? Don't you think you're worth more? Because you ARE.

I'd dump him and block him. No need to tell him why you're ending it. his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Don't let him come crawling back. Then do the Freedom Programme - freedomprogramme.co.uk/

You asked why he doesn’t leave you

Probably because he doesn’t think he is with you.

He probably looks on you (and there will be others) as a booty call and you think this is a relationship.

I think you need to concentrate on gaining some confidence and your dd.

Atm you are dismissing her as no one when you say you are lonely and on you are on your own.

10 years from now you will be on your own. Your dd is coming 2nd to a piece of shit and when she realises that she will be off.

I know I wasn’t my mother’s priority ever.
I came way down the list after so many relatives and waifs and strays that she picked up along the way.

Now I don’t take any of her time up and she can concentrate on who she wants.

You haven't posted for a few days Tills
How are you?

OMG. I'll save you a lifetime of pain and wasted time and energy.
"love" - the way that you are feeling/understanding/describing it is bullshit. This is the secret to measuring relationships. Remember it and let it be your guiding principle.

LOVE IS AS LOVE DOES.

Ignore this at your peril. If you want to get emotionally pummelled to a snivelling mess in the name of 'love' just carry on the way you are going.