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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to feel pissed off with DP's behaviour on holiday?

186 replies

deedeegee · 04/07/2019 22:46

Just back from cycling holiday to Spain- self organised- with DP - not the first time we've done this kind of thing including cycle touring. DP is very fit 65 yr old and a obsessive cyclist. I am reasonably fit 60 yr old and cycle fit and go out cycling with him at home as well. I found the heat very difficult to deal with which together with the mileages we were doing, I almost suffered heat stroke.
Whilst I was trying to keep up, he berated me for affecting his STRAVA (cycling App) stats, also saying his speedo kph was below 30 and it was my fault,then saying if I wanted to go on a cycling holiday with him I should do much more training beforehand.
When we finally stopped, I burst into tears and then put my head under the local water tap until I'd cooled down. I managed to get home and felt pretty rough after that 93km in 100 degree heat. After all that, he then pesters me for sex and goes in the huff, when refused.
On being challenged subsequently he reiterated his view that I should train more beforehand- I have said that I will only go on organised group cycle holidays with him from now on. Being pushed to such an extent is no fun, when DP is only thinking of his own gratification on that and the other issue.

OP posts:
deedeegee · 28/07/2019 23:27

Chochito-I tried explaining how his behaviour made me feel, but all he was capable of understanding was how he felt! Leaving me for dead when cycling and walking was Ok as it was his thing, and I should understand that.... he was being very sympathetic dousing me with water at the end of the run to the coast as well as being empathetic getting me to slipstream him when I was about to collapse, even though I couldn't as I cycled along crying..
All he talked about was how he felt as if I was an inaminate object with no feelings, supposed to be immediately receptive to his demands, sexual, domestic, culinary and sporting...
And so, I slowly realised that there was no point in even trying to discuss anything....

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 28/07/2019 23:43

So glad you have dumped that utter arsehole.

maras2 · 29/07/2019 03:26

So glad that you dumped the arrogant git.
Didn't know that you could still get Tiffin bars.Are they only available in Scotland?
I really really want one now. Smile
Best wishes Flowers Mx.

Weezol · 29/07/2019 04:00

You knew you were right in dumping him and he's helped you out by confirming your decision. What a twit.

Herocomplex · 29/07/2019 04:20

I’m glad you’ve broken free! He sounds very fit but he won’t be forever, maybe his next partner will give him a taste of his own medicine.

Kaddm · 29/07/2019 04:35

Well done op
Sounds like you got rid of a really shitty partner

Sally2791 · 29/07/2019 05:26

Glad to hear you dumped this horrible selfish arse. Don’t waste time wondering why he is a twat. Enjoy your freedom!

rightteous · 29/07/2019 05:43

Well done for getting rid. Sounds like he didn’t even see you as a person. I often see packs of these amateur male cyclists out when I’m driving. After reading stuff on here I just see them all as pathetic losers. I’ve got a friend who is married to one and he’s the most selfish, self obsessed idiot I’ve ever met. Not good enough to be professional but acts like he is and her entire life centres around his training schedule. Plus he’s boring because all he ever talks about is cycling. Yawn.

flumpybear · 29/07/2019 06:05

You're well shot of him!

Chapellass · 29/07/2019 06:20

Well done OP, bet your daughter will be relieved as well. Enjoy your next two holidays without him!

Downunderduchess · 29/07/2019 06:23

Yeah nah fuck that sounds like torture not a fun holiday. You should get a say in what happens.

katewhinesalot · 29/07/2019 06:26

I hope him and Strava are very happy together and I hope you have lovely future relaxing holidays. Relationships are supposed to enhance your life, not drain it.

lifebegins50 · 29/07/2019 06:32

Well done OP. His comments are likely to be projection.

What you achieved was amazing and you deserve someone who thinks you are amazing. It is easy to be attracted to a high achieving partner, sports/career, and we assume they also have good character traits. However, ime, they are often so successful because they are completely selfish and it is always about them and their "successes".

He felt as if I was an inaminate object with no feelings
That is very insightful and he will be the same with the next person he attract into his life.

Happynow001 · 29/07/2019 06:46

Well done! @deedeegee

You sound so positive and happy. Here's to a new and much better phase to your life! 🍷😀

All he talked about was how he felt as if I was an inaminate object with no feelings, supposed to be immediately receptive to his demands, sexual, domestic, culinary and sporting...
What an absolute plank. You are well rid. 👏🏻

Apolloanddaphne · 29/07/2019 07:08

Great update. You did the right thing.

MzHz · 29/07/2019 07:44

Cycling along crying? You poor thing!

Thank god youve dumped him! Well done you

Etino · 29/07/2019 09:52

So pleased OP. I often see women on holiday looking miserable behind mamil. You are their and our hero.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 29/07/2019 14:35

Oh God, the mamils. I live in a "cycle friendly" borough of London and they've put cycle lanes down all over the place. Now I don't mind the plodders, the A to B-ers going to work (and coming home even more slowly), but it's the mamils behaving like they're in the fucking peloton..... actually, they're so great, the peloton is about 10 minutes behind. Those morons always have a yellow t-shirt on (fluorescent yellow I get - to make sure they're visible, but this is the colour of the Tour de France Winner)....... They really piss me off. Can you tell?

Rant over. But OP, I hope that as a parting gift your rubbed a Carolina Reaper Chilli all over his saddle and in his cycling shorts. That'd solve two of your problems in one go.

CousinKrispy · 29/07/2019 16:22

Well done OP, I'm so glad you are shot of this horrible horrible man. Don't ever get sucked back in by him. You sound like a lovely person and will have a great life without him.

ScabbyHorse · 29/07/2019 22:22

High five 🙌

deedeegee · 30/07/2019 16:41

Further UPDATE!
Have booked CTC cycling trip to Thailand for January...but guess what, having discussed it ages ago, exDP now saying to me that we should go anyway and share a room as friends!! Help- I was so taken aback I didn't say I'd already booked it!! Don't want him there at all tbh- advice, please!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/07/2019 16:51

Tell him to fuck off. Cmon your a big girl. You know the answer to this.

So don't say it in so many words, just say thanks but no thanks, I'd rather not.

Unless you want to be sucked in again and can't get enough of being treated like shite?

Kaddm · 30/07/2019 16:54

Um yeah like friends with benefits!
You could with just put “no” or ignore

Ninkaninus · 30/07/2019 17:01

You just say no.

And why are you even in contact with him? Tell him to leave you alone.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 30/07/2019 17:32

Just say no, then block him. Well done for getting rid OP, do NOT get sucked in again! He'll only be a sex pest if you agree.