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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to feel pissed off with DP's behaviour on holiday?

186 replies

deedeegee · 04/07/2019 22:46

Just back from cycling holiday to Spain- self organised- with DP - not the first time we've done this kind of thing including cycle touring. DP is very fit 65 yr old and a obsessive cyclist. I am reasonably fit 60 yr old and cycle fit and go out cycling with him at home as well. I found the heat very difficult to deal with which together with the mileages we were doing, I almost suffered heat stroke.
Whilst I was trying to keep up, he berated me for affecting his STRAVA (cycling App) stats, also saying his speedo kph was below 30 and it was my fault,then saying if I wanted to go on a cycling holiday with him I should do much more training beforehand.
When we finally stopped, I burst into tears and then put my head under the local water tap until I'd cooled down. I managed to get home and felt pretty rough after that 93km in 100 degree heat. After all that, he then pesters me for sex and goes in the huff, when refused.
On being challenged subsequently he reiterated his view that I should train more beforehand- I have said that I will only go on organised group cycle holidays with him from now on. Being pushed to such an extent is no fun, when DP is only thinking of his own gratification on that and the other issue.

OP posts:
deedeegee · 05/07/2019 00:05

I always pay my own way... was thinking exactly that tbh...
What about Thelma and Louise website..?

OP posts:
IncandescentShadow · 05/07/2019 00:17

Wouldn't you rather be single?

Hope you shout at him and give him a good telling off, along the lines of no-one really cares about a mediocre 65 year old's man's Strava performance. Certainly no decently fast cyclist cares. Its not like he's going to improve at his age.

Tell him exactly whats wrong with his behaviour.

HollowTalk · 05/07/2019 00:28

You actually paid to go on that holiday?

Italiangreyhound · 05/07/2019 00:28

What a twat. I would gladly stop the cycling holiday and the sex and do something I enjoyed, which would not involved heat stroke or listing to the berating of mad man.

Just tell him he is a prize prat and plan your next holiday doing what you like. Thanks

echt · 05/07/2019 02:07

I am the first ever LTR he's ever had as he's always done what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted, regardless

This is very telling.

1forAll74 · 05/07/2019 02:21

Well.you can now use that old phrase "On yer bike sonny Jim,as it may be appropriate under the circumstances.

Because of your age, (no offence,as I am more than 10 years older than you ) I think you sound a nice lady.and would be more suited to a man who drives a vintage car, who would take you for spins around lovely French or Spanish countryside,and enjoy all the culture and food etc. I think I must have watched too many romantic films from the old days ha ha.

managedmis · 05/07/2019 02:47

What's the actual temperature where you are?

You'd be better off single, in Scotland

Scott72 · 05/07/2019 03:09

You cycled 93km? And in a heatwave! There wouldn't be that many people of any age who could do that in a reasonable time. Yet he complains you weren't fast enough? What an obnoxious prick.

dreichuplands · 05/07/2019 03:11

He sounds truly awful.
You on the other hand sound totally wasted on him!

Topseyt · 05/07/2019 03:32

He's a sex pest and a bully. Also a selfish twat for good measure.

These "holidays" sound like pure hell. Do you really actually enjoy them? Fine if you do, but you say that this is not the first holiday where you have struggled cycling long distances in high heat. Cycling round the Sea of Galilee in 45 degree heat sounds like asking for trouble to me.

What an arse! I couldn't stick any of that.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 05/07/2019 04:10

Abusive cunt. Get out now.

MsDogLady · 05/07/2019 05:59

He berates, bullies and pesters.

Why are you tolerating this abuser’s contempt?

sneakypinky · 05/07/2019 06:40

Haha, affecting his strava stats, what a vain tosser.

He sounds like a selfish dick OP. Does he have any interest in your happiness?

Shoxfordian · 05/07/2019 06:40

He sounds like a knob
Let him cycle off into the sunset on his own
Ltb

MyGastIsFlabbered · 05/07/2019 06:43

He sounds awful OP. 65 and you're the first LTR he's had? That would make me wary before it even began.

FritataPatate · 05/07/2019 06:58

And he wouldn't even let you have a nice day in Barcelona ? Angry
My MTB mad 59 yo DP would be the same, if I let him. Following similar experiences, he now cycles with his friends . Sadly you have to be a "broken record" about what you want from holidays.

RedSheep73 · 05/07/2019 07:00

Yanbu. He's out of order. My dh is also a keen cyclist, but he maintains the rule that you go at the pace of the slowest person. Don't bother going with him again if that's his attitude!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/07/2019 07:13

deedeegee

What do you get out of this relationship and what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Those are certainly questions you should be asking yourself now as well as giving him the boot.

I have read more about this bicyclist and he is another version of your own abusive and thankfully now ex husband. This man in no way should be your friend either; he is piss poor relationship material and your life and mental wellbeing will suffer because of it and it already has. Your boundaries, already weakened by abuse, have taken a further knock at his hands.

What if anything here is stopping you from ending this abusive relationship?. Are you afraid of him on some level?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/07/2019 07:16

A dog would be better company than this abusive manchild who has sunk his bike clips into you. And his silent treatment is an example of emotional abuse.

upple · 05/07/2019 07:58

Are you going to dump him OP?

joystir59 · 05/07/2019 08:08

Cyclists are twats. A given. LTB

hellsbellsmelons · 05/07/2019 08:40

I am the first ever LTR he's ever had
At 65!!! It's hardly surprising by what you have described!
Stop doing all you can with this guy.
He's a twat - pure and simple.
Let him be single again.

Zaphodsotherhead · 05/07/2019 08:50

Does he understand what a 'holiday' is? Because it doesn't sound as though he ever intended a holiday - for him this was just a chance to improve on his stats.

He doesn't sound like a man who's very used to having to adjust his behaviour for others (or 'selfish' if you like to call it that). But only you can know if this is a deal breaker or whether you just agree to holiday separately from now on.

NameChangeNugget · 05/07/2019 08:59

You sound very mismatched, maybe call it a day

WhatHaveIFound · 05/07/2019 09:02

Is it a universal rule that male cycling enthusiasts have to be utter pricks?!

No. I have a very considerate cycling husband who doesn't let his hobby interfere with our family life. When i first started cycling with him he used to crawl up the big hills with me, not leave me behind. It's taken me a while but i can keep up now.

Your DP sounds very inconsiderate and should be taking the weather/your ability into account. I've been on plenty of organised cycling holidays and they wouldn't be impressed with his attitude either.

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