Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to feel pissed off with DP's behaviour on holiday?

186 replies

deedeegee · 04/07/2019 22:46

Just back from cycling holiday to Spain- self organised- with DP - not the first time we've done this kind of thing including cycle touring. DP is very fit 65 yr old and a obsessive cyclist. I am reasonably fit 60 yr old and cycle fit and go out cycling with him at home as well. I found the heat very difficult to deal with which together with the mileages we were doing, I almost suffered heat stroke.
Whilst I was trying to keep up, he berated me for affecting his STRAVA (cycling App) stats, also saying his speedo kph was below 30 and it was my fault,then saying if I wanted to go on a cycling holiday with him I should do much more training beforehand.
When we finally stopped, I burst into tears and then put my head under the local water tap until I'd cooled down. I managed to get home and felt pretty rough after that 93km in 100 degree heat. After all that, he then pesters me for sex and goes in the huff, when refused.
On being challenged subsequently he reiterated his view that I should train more beforehand- I have said that I will only go on organised group cycle holidays with him from now on. Being pushed to such an extent is no fun, when DP is only thinking of his own gratification on that and the other issue.

OP posts:
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/07/2019 09:03

I would abandon him right now and book myself into a lovely hotel. You could then take the time to consider your relationship and what you're going to do when you get back. Enjoy the sunshine ☀

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 05/07/2019 09:04

.. I am divorced, having suffered from a coercive controlling husband with a now adult daughter, from the marriage

Sounds like you’ve swapped one oppressive relationship for another on here :(

SallyWD · 05/07/2019 09:15

To cycle that far in that heat sounds very dangerous to me.

StressToy · 05/07/2019 09:23

Seriously, OP, what’s good about a Strava-obsessed cyclist sex pest who’s happy to endanger your health for his own app gratification???

user1479305498 · 05/07/2019 09:25

My mum married someone identical to this, initially I think she was flattered as he was quite a bit younger than her and she took up the hobby with him, I think it took a long time for her to realise that whilst she enjoyed a bit of cycling she didn’t enjoy it to the detriment of a rounded life and a rather self obsessed bloke

PonderingPanda · 05/07/2019 09:40

OP - what are you going to do?

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 05/07/2019 09:52

One random thought, if he's not as abusive as your first relationship, maybe it hadn't felt as abusive this time?

Tbh, it does sound like it'll end up pretty coercive.

joystir59 · 05/07/2019 10:39

Your life matters OP. You weren't born to be a back drop for someone else. Please free yourself and get some therapy so you can recognise how you end up with coercive control freaks.

MissLadyM · 05/07/2019 10:42

What a fucking arsehole! It's crazy to push yourself in such heat. Please dump him and look after yourself!

AdobeWanKenobi · 05/07/2019 10:53

This was in a heatwave too?
What are you getting out of this relationship OP? He sounds like an absolute bastard.

koolaider · 05/07/2019 11:22

OP I do hope you are lounging on a beach today being served cocktails.

Your DP is horrible. LTB

Rosielily · 05/07/2019 11:22

How many of these "holidays" have you paid for? Does he ever go on the sort of holiday you want to go on?

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 05/07/2019 11:33

What a bell end...

Ticklingcheese · 05/07/2019 11:45

I see a lot of this, when in our holiday home, very rural... Cycling mad lycra wearing older men speeding ahead. A couple of miles down the road their wife huffing and puffing trying to keep up.

Always feel so sorry for them, but dh tells me, they like it and a having a good time and are being supportive. (I have refused cycling with dh because he cycles ahead of me, and I want to be able to enjoy the scenery and chat).

Op don't ever go on holiday with this abomination ever again. If you do, come to my part of the world, and I will happily swing open the passenger door when passing him 😤.

dragonflyflew · 05/07/2019 12:12

What a cunt

IlluminatiParty · 05/07/2019 12:18

Heat exhaustion can turn into heatstroke in a moment. I had heatstroke from a hike in hot temperatures and as a consequence was very ill. Went from feeling headachey and wobbly to uncontrollable diarrhoea shaking in and out of consciousness, couldn't stand up and head felt like it would explode... I was trying to keep up with the group and stupidly ignored my own limits.

Put your health first even if you do nothing else. Pace yourself and to hell with someone else's fucking Strava. People die from heatstroke. Hope you're feeling better now. Flowers

Topseyt · 05/07/2019 13:55

I do hope OP has not let herself be dragged out on another mega cycle in the heat today.

Not all cyclists are twats, though from what you read on here there are many who are.

My DH likes to cycle, but doesn't force it on the rest of us. If he fancies a spot of cycling while we are on holiday then he hires a bike and goes off by himself for a few hours, leaving me to potter around doing my own thing. Both of us are happy that way.

billy1966 · 05/07/2019 15:25

OP,

So you've swapped one selfish prick for another.

Really.

And a sex pest to boot.

Ugh.

I'd rather be single.

Think about it.

deedeegee · 05/07/2019 15:52

Appreciate all the supportive comments as have been subconsciously mulling things over for a while. We did have an 18 month break 2 years ago, but I got sucked back in. This time around I will make a determined effort to widen my female friendship circle as I think I'm done with men...!

Next on the 'to do' list is how to break it to him....again, as he will start to profess undying love. Not sure he knows the meaning of the word/concept tbh....

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 05/07/2019 15:58

It comes down to words v actions.

Easy to profess undying love. Much much harder to act it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/07/2019 16:08

End this abusive relationship for good this time around and do not get sucked back in with promises to change from him (all empty ones).

You should not necessarily be done with men though but you do need to raise your boundaries a lot higher going forward before and if you choose to date again. You were in an abusive relationship with your ex H and now you're in an abusive relationship with this bicyclist.
I would have a look at the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid as this could help you going forward as well.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 05/07/2019 16:28

A good companion is just that, a joy to be with. If he sucks the joy out of things, there really is no point.

There are lots of holidays and groups for women where it won't be such hard work.

Snog · 05/07/2019 16:31

Would he care if you died from heatstroke or sulk because you trashed his stats and his holiday?

What a tool, how can you possibly be in a relationship with this selfish prick?

Femodene · 05/07/2019 17:34

Who cares what drivel spews out of his mouth, inform him he’s dumped, laugh in his face and tell him to shove his bike, and himself up his own arse. Show him the exact same disdain and complete indifference he treats you with, believe him, believe his actions, he could not give less of a shit about you. Willing to risk your life for his shitty hobby? Utter scum.

Femodene · 05/07/2019 17:36

Willing to risk your death TWICE on ‘holidays’ you paid for, to indulge his Lycra fetish tedious little hobby. You could easily have died in Galilee AND the deadly heatwave you’re in now, why do you think it’s worth risking death for this vile specimen? Ugh!