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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to feel pissed off with DP's behaviour on holiday?

186 replies

deedeegee · 04/07/2019 22:46

Just back from cycling holiday to Spain- self organised- with DP - not the first time we've done this kind of thing including cycle touring. DP is very fit 65 yr old and a obsessive cyclist. I am reasonably fit 60 yr old and cycle fit and go out cycling with him at home as well. I found the heat very difficult to deal with which together with the mileages we were doing, I almost suffered heat stroke.
Whilst I was trying to keep up, he berated me for affecting his STRAVA (cycling App) stats, also saying his speedo kph was below 30 and it was my fault,then saying if I wanted to go on a cycling holiday with him I should do much more training beforehand.
When we finally stopped, I burst into tears and then put my head under the local water tap until I'd cooled down. I managed to get home and felt pretty rough after that 93km in 100 degree heat. After all that, he then pesters me for sex and goes in the huff, when refused.
On being challenged subsequently he reiterated his view that I should train more beforehand- I have said that I will only go on organised group cycle holidays with him from now on. Being pushed to such an extent is no fun, when DP is only thinking of his own gratification on that and the other issue.

OP posts:
pallisers · 06/07/2019 20:46

Next on the 'to do' list is how to break it to him....again, as he will start to profess undying love.

You: Dp, this is no longer working for me. I am breaking up with you. I wish you well

Him: But I love you. I know I was a bit of a dick on holiday but I love you.

You: It doesn't really matter to me if you love me. I don't love you. Goodbye and good luck to you.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 06/07/2019 22:04

Let him find someone else to be his audience in the All About Him Show. There are worse things than being single-being invisible while in a relationship is one of them. Drop the rope.

I’m glad you are ok. Brew

museumum · 06/07/2019 22:12

Is it a universal rule that male cycling enthusiasts have to be utter pricks?!

It’s really not. My dh is a far far better cyclist than me but if we ride together it’s cause he wants to spend tine with me, he goes at my pace and will not ride on ahead even if I tell him he can.

Hillfarmer · 08/07/2019 20:33

Blatant update request. How’s it going OP?

deedeegee · 09/07/2019 20:54

Have decided that the lack of consideration, incipient coercive control and gaslighting behaviours have now red-flagged themselves to me such that there is no way I can continue in this relationship. I am meeting with him to initiate a soft exit- I need time to think, then after a week or 10 days ...finito. Followed by a large Tiffin bar....!
Now thinking of somewhere hot to go in September where the single supplement won't be crippling...!!!!

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 09/07/2019 20:59

Just make sure the next one isn’t a cyclist. In my limited experience they’re all cunts. And I know a LOT of them

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 09/07/2019 21:04

Hurrah OP!!! I'm so glad you are kicking this waste of space to the curb.

You're amazing!!!

billy1966 · 09/07/2019 21:09

Excellent call OP👍

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 09/07/2019 21:17

Good call, you could easily have suffered a fatal incident there.

IncandescentShadow · 10/07/2019 00:03

Well done OP. Lifes' too short to spend it with a misery guts like that. You'd have more fun times being single and might meet someone better.

My ex was a bit like that, maybe not quite so bad. I remember trying to go a cycle with him and being unable to keep up, and him saying to me 'what do you want me to do? Cycle round holding your hand?'. We had a blazing row, he also did a cycle race on my birthday, stayed for the buffet afterwards and didn't bother coming home til 10.30pm. Shortly after that, he had a serious cycling accident and really hurt himself, and of course I had to do all the running around after him. Anyway, I'm no longer with him and ironically, my now DH competed at a far higher standard [not cycling, another sport, at elite level], than ex ever did. Yet although he is mega-fit, and faster than my ex ever was, he will cycle at my speed without making me feel slow or useless. Which I am not, by the way.

A lot of male cyclists are arses. The worst ones are amateur level club cyclists who struggle to finish mid-pack in a third cat race and even worse than them are male veteran cyclists. The closer to elite level they are, the less arsy they are. Mountain bikers can be quite normal though I believe.

deedeegee · 28/07/2019 22:24

UPDATE
Have dumped DP and weirdly but perhaps not surprisingly he accused me of coercive control!!! Terrific LOL!! Gaslighting on top of bullying and sex pestery...he has obviously been justifying his bad behaviour to himself and basically saying to himself that the relationship failure is all my fault! And you know what, I couldn't give a shit!
Have booked a chill out hol with a friend in October and also in January! Have also joined a female cycle group and a book group...!

OP posts:
BuildBuildings · 28/07/2019 22:28

So is he a twat in other areas of life then?

BuildBuildings · 28/07/2019 22:31

Sorry posted before reading last comment op. Well done. Life is too short for that shit. Enjoy your new found freedom.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 28/07/2019 22:34

I remember your thread and I'm so glad you dumped him!!

Now onwards and upwards and enjoy every second without him 😉

deedeegee · 28/07/2019 22:37

Thanks for the supportive comments- it was almost 7 years of my life...! At my age I now realise that time is too short to accommodate this kind of self-centered bastard..

OP posts:
Arnoldthecat · 28/07/2019 22:38

Read the front page and thought,,what a bullying cunt,,,flipped to page 3 and am pleased to hear youve dumped him..well done.

Persea · 28/07/2019 22:41

Well done. What an absolute idiot - him, obviously, not you. And at least you have some hopefully more relaxing holidays to look forward to now!

Hillfarmer · 28/07/2019 22:47

Great news! He showed his true colours good and proper. Doesn’t like being dumped? Good!

And well done on the women’s cycle club - it’s not that you do t like cycling, you just like doing it with nice people! Good luck and have fun.

RandomMess · 28/07/2019 22:51

Great update OP enjoy your holiday!!!

foreverhanging · 28/07/2019 23:08

Fabulous update op, enjoy your holiday!!

Dowser · 28/07/2019 23:12

Well done op
Let the good times roll

JoyceJeffries · 28/07/2019 23:12

Well done. Onwards and upwards.

Chochito · 28/07/2019 23:16

He has been vile and VU in this behaviour, OP. If I were you I would join a cycling group and no longer cycle with him.

Also, I feel you need to sit down and explain to him how his behaviour and words have made you feel and try to make him understand why he has been VU.

I hope he apologises and sees how awful he has been on this holiday.

LightDrizzle · 28/07/2019 23:18

🙌

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/07/2019 23:21

RTWT feeling incensed on your behalf, then read your final update. Brilliant news! Well done.

Your future looks so lovely and bright. And I admit to taking a gleeful pleasure in your Ex's reaction to being dumped. Grin