Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Glad the day is done bat Hope everything went well for your mum

Sorry @BatshitCrazyWoman hope you can try and relax tonight knowing today is over with.
@Sunshineandflipflops I'm totally with you. Since having a chat last week with mr H about keeping things as they were (between FWB and a relationship) I've hardly heard from him and no suggestion of meeting up soon. I'm too scared to ask for some bizarre reason- May just text him and ask actually.

SimonJT 😄

Urgh, I give up. The only message from anyone I cellular consider half decent looking and and he can't string more than 4 worlds together on each message. Not holding my interest at all.

Maybe I need to give the OLD a break!

I'm 5'8 and Mr TDB is 6'2. I love a tall man. Don't care if that makes me shallow!

Daytime date tomorrow. Our chats have been swinging wildly between sexy talk and normal everyday life. He is fun to talk to either way.

OMG please can I join?! Just seen the thread title and I'm sure it was a response from a very wise poster who responded to something I'd written...

It's so bloody true though! And really resonated with me.

TBH I've not really kept up with the dating thread but after my last mishap I'm checking in, and off to read the full thread before reporting back haha

Quick update - Sorry you've had such a hard day batshit and as other's have said, it's over now. Whatever your relationship is like with a parent, it could be days, weeks or months before the reality hits you. So glad you have support.

It's been a weird week for me since STBX came back for a visit. MrWow took me out last night so I could get away from him. It's not that we don't get on but he's quickly fallen into the habit of going to the pub mid afternoon and coming home a tad drunk. One good thing is that we have had the convo about me not rushing to sell the house next year and he's in agreement - our son comes first and we want to ensure he settles into high school, so talking possibly 2 yrs, which gives me plenty of breathing space.

I need advice again, and I draw huge inspiration and wisdom from following this thread - mainly because I have no idea what I’m doing in the dating world. So, I’ve been on two long (6-7 hours) dates with this guy, enjoy daily, very regular messaging, have agreed to meet next week twice with a possible overnight stay. He seems awesome. BUT... he says he’s going to call then backs out, says he’s tired or whatever. Is it because he’s nervous or otherwise engaged? Or doesn’t want to? I’m awake I have trust issues after being cheated on in my marriage, and don’t want to transfer that onto someone I have met twice, even if we seem to like each other. Is it a big red flag?

@BatshitCrazyWoman lots of love.

@Sunshineandflipflops I could write that. I have had 6 or 7 first dates, only 2 second, have a third arranged for today but not over excited.

May be because ex made me cry this morning and I am feeling so down, but geeez, dating is so boring. I want to cancel but we are to meet in 2h. I am still on the subway going back home, just want to go to sleep.

Hello wise daters, I’ve been following this thread for so long (since the Vet went to Canada, swoon!)
I dip in and out of OLD but am a spectacular disaster at it. The most recent attempts have been a 6month true love penpal situation where we never met, and the world’s best first date which inexplicably fizzled.
I feel alone and that I want to meet someone but I don’t know if I have the resilience for this. I live in a rural area so not loads of traffic anyway. How do you know if it’s right to keep trying or maybe just better to quit? My pattern is go on app, have a laugh, make a connection and then for some reason it fails. I know that’s the nature of the beast but ugh, am I just the one it won’t work for?

I think the basic message that I have chosen to ignore is 'just not that into you ' which is a very bitter pill to swallow.

@BatshitCrazyWoman I’m sorry yesterday was so difficult, but I’m really glad you have MrBC there for you. It makes all the difference.

@kerkyra it’s all sounding very promising with Mr Dadbod! Regarding the sleepover I would take the pressure off yourself and just play it by ear. It may just flow and you very naturally end up in bed together but don’t freak out if it’s heading that way. I find that if there’s a good mental connection and you’re already laughing, relaxed and comfortable with each other it’s far easier to end up shagging and it’s not too weird. Whereas if you feel like you MUST get it on, and it’s now or never the pressure becomes too much and it all goes tits up. (For him AND you).

I’m now home from hospital, and Mr Eagle has demonstrated what an absolute gem he is. He met my friends last night that had had my children (because my ex is a complete wanker and didn’t have them despite me being in hospital as an urgent admission for 24 hours) and my friends said he’s a keeper.

It’s made me realise that an iron can really come into their own when put under pressure - I was crackers about him anyway and parked on the Beyoncé bench but this little episode has really cemented that for me. It goes beyond the fireworks and flowers part of a new romance and into “actually this guy is a goodun and I’d quite like him to stick around” part. I think Batshit, JeSuisPrest and Crustaceans are in this place too.

@Sidge that’s a lovely post to wake up to

Totally agree, it when things go pear-shaped that you see their true colours. Sounds like Mr C and Mr BC are exactly the same. Wish you all so well and hope many more get the join the smitten bench soon too.

@SimonJT your comment made me laugh out loud! As long as you are really happy it sounds great. If your cousin is getting married does that mean MiniMe has not babysitter for a while?

Have great weekend all, I’m seeing Mr Tri tomorrow for a mini music thing here then bxk to his for night and most of Sunday I hope. Can’t wait to spend longer than a couple hours with him

Good Luck to all new dates

Was talking to a new Tinder iron last night, moved to WhatsApp, I sent him a pic of my dogs, chat was easy and banterous, he sent me a pic of him in a shirt, lovely, then a pic of... him dressed up as Freddy Kruger. I would have preferred one of his dick. So off.

Thanks sidge,good advice. Will try and go with the flow.
Mr dadbod has got a bit carried away with his texting, I've woken to two texts and last night he txt asking if he can ring me to hear my voice. I'm finding it all quite full on but dont know if it's normal or me. It's like I've gone from being single and craving being wanted ( although this doesn't come across.....I hope anyway) to being in a kind of relationship. Bloody scary. I'm going to chat to him tonight and just say I need to take it slow.
I do really really like him,its just happened so quick.he hasn't done anything wrong
Hi to the newbies!

Bats Sorry it was such a trying day for you It really sounds like Mr BC is a keeper.

Sidge Excellent stuff!

Cassettes Maybe he was trying to show a fun side?

I'm 6'2" (and also size 12 feet) I've never dated anyone taller than about 5' 4" for some reason.

@CassettesAreCool I thought you were going to say a pvc outfit or something! Freddie Kruger I would say was more of a fancy dress pic?!

@butterflyFed Most of my dates have led to more than one but seem to end after a few weeks. I just don't right swipe very often so the dates are few and far between!

It sounds like you did really well to get through yesterday @BatshitCrazyWoman. Even if your dad did separate you, it’s so good that MrBC found a way to offer you some physical comfort. Sometimes it really does make a difference to feel someone’s hand supporting you.

@kerkyra I agree with @Sidge that it’s best to just go with it. Try not to overthink - both the sex and the budding relationship.

I don’t think size 8.5/9 feet (especially at your height) sounds big at all. My size 3/4 feet would look weird on someone your height - and would probably make it harder to stand up than necessary.

@Sidge I’m glad you’re home. MrEagle does sound like a keeper. It is actually really lovely when you can recognise it moving beyond all the excitement and butterflies and start feeling like ‘this one really cares and will be there for me’.

It was an odd feeling when I realised that MrSG was (is) the person I’d want to tell anything to, both the good and the bad. Mostly that’s because I’d had such a dreadful time with my ex and felt I couldn’t tell him anything (lest it was used against me). DS2 has been having a problem at school this week (which would be funny in a sitcom way if it weren’t making him so anxious to go that he vomits at the thought) and MrSG is the first person I talked to about it. He’s been lovely. He really made an effort to make sure that DS2 knows he’s on his side too and thinks the school are being ridiculous (they are). I’d post the details for everyone’s amusement but it’s really very specific and outing.

@TooOldForThis67 I’m glad you’ve made a agreement about the house that will work for you and your son. It must feel like some breathing room.

@butterflyFed I’m sorry your ex has made you feel so miserable. I think you’re in my hometown (based on your description of your mode of transport).

@Thing101 Maybe a short break from OLD might make you feel better about it. It is a slog and a bit depressing a lot of the time.

@CassettesAreCool That’s funny. It’s weird the kind of photos people will send, and also what different people find hideously offputting. I would probably have laughed at a Freddy Kruger outfit and said that the films are truly crap.

Welcome @Unluckyinlove2019. Just jump straight in. Trying to catch up with these threads can be a futile task.

Have fun with MrTri @Savoretti.

It’s the one year anniversary of when MrSG and I met tomorrow. He’s away at a work thing tomorrow though, so we’re going to celebrate tonight in some way.

I have had several potential irons disappear this week or I have decided they are not my type. It’s frustrating when people say they have read your profile but then later announce they have nothing in common with you or they don’t want the same thing as you (a relationship). I’m pretty active and am always on the go which I make clear in my profile, yet I get very overweight men who state that they like to spend time cuddling in the sofa or watching Netflix as their main hobbies, totally not my type at all.

I have 2 irons at the moment, one has only got one weekend free during the whole summer and the other I think just wants a pen pal as his missing married life and gets lonely (he messages me all day).

With the summer holidays coming up I think I’m going to take a break and enjoy spending time with the dd’s, the Campervan is ready to go so we will be away most weekends, I don’t think I really want the hassle of online dating and planning dates around time with my dc’s so I’m going to step back from the apps, you never know, I might meet someone in real life whilst travelling around.

@Lovemusic33 I am feeling the same way as you. I have started talking to someone on POF but mostly because he's local (I've never dated anyone form my town but that has been intentional).

I am also super busy over the summer and actually away for most of august so I'm also thinking I should give it a break and just make the most of my time with Mr SAS when I see him.

Are you recovering well?

"Hello cheeky pants". FML.

Tbh, @Lovemusic33 your summer plans sound way more fun than OLD could be.

To be fair he wasn’t to know that the first Nightmare on Elm Street scared the absolute shit out of me so FK is my least favourite character, but it seemed an odd choice - followed by one dressed as a vicar. Oh well, I’ve unmatched and deleted anyway.

Had a long call with Mr Courteous last night. He wants a real, moving-in, attending family do’s together relationship and frankly he may as well have said he was Freddy Kruger I feel so freaked out. Deffo something wrong with me.