"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

From exH:

Had not phoned the kids in 6 weeks because he 'wasn't feeling well' (although not being in contact for long periods and then suddenly demanding it is typical) but suddenly felt well enough to call right before Father's Day to remind them that Father's Day was that weekend.

The kids didn't give him a thought on Father's day, didn't ask to call him and when he called the following week they were in thr middle of something and wanted to speak with him later. He then called all of my phone numbers to try and demand they speak at his convenience and then emailed me about how he felt it was reasonable for his kids to speak to him for 15 minutes each week and how important Father's Day was to him. Please note this Father is also not paying support

My mother again: "You've ruined my new year's eve, why can you never think about my feelings?" before running to her bedroom to cry. When I asked if we could put subtitles on the TV (because I'm deaf in one ear)

"Can't you see how much you've embarrassed me, people will think there's something wrong with me" When I went to the doctor as a teenager with depression (which doesn't exist in my mother's world, it's just for attention)

DM blamed me for her having a nervous breakdown as I got a serious disease and she couldn't cope with it. Rang me screaming and blamed me for it

This was said in all seriousness by the abusive ex - "the only women who don't fancy me are those you've turned against me."

My first miscarriage....because my then dp (now dh) was paying attention to me and not his mother, she “tried” to commit suicide.

She wrote a long letter on how losing “her grandchild” was the last straw and to just let her die. She had taken a load of pills.

We called out the ambulance and she refused to care. She survived.

She had said so much more but I think this just tops everything. We are NC with her

My father who's not only a narcissist but also a delusional conspiracy nut:

Seriously believes that a person in my circle with a particular background [keeping it vague so as to not out myself] has been deliberately placed there by THEM because getting at me means getting at him.

Technically, I'm in that other individual's circle if we're looking at degrees of impirtance. And obviously THEY mist be taking my insane dad very seriously indeed to go to such lengths. Which he honestly believes they do.

The fact that it might skip a generation is a major contributor to why I don't have any childrwn of my own.

Sorry for typos. Sausage fingers and tiny phone don't mix well.

My DM didn’t beat around the bush and regularly told me she wished me and one of my dbs had never been born. Mothers hey!

Ooh, I've got one!

My mum and I hadn't spoken for months, then when she heard my ex H had left me with four children including a newborn, she got in touch and offered to take me food shopping. I had nothing so agreed.

On the drive to the shops, she asked what had actually gone wrong with me and ex. I took a deep breath and told her everything - how he had been violent and abusive to me and the children, got pissed and written off my car, took drugs, lied to me, then decided one day he was leaving... The list went on.

She looked out of the car window and exclaimed "Oh look! That dog over there has three legs!!"

I made one of my children be severely allergic to nuts apparently according to DM. I can't quite remember how I did it but I think it was something to do with God and punishment and something to do with being obsessively clean. I am nowhere near obsessively clean; she is a hoarder. She is deeply religious; I am an atheist. My other children don't have allergies. I need to watch allergy child carefully because of the devil. She doesn't get to see them often at all. Maybe once a year very briefly.

I thought we were making some progress in having a relationship when I called and we spoke fairly often about my pregnancy. DF is a surgeon. I had a complicated pregnancy and discussed medical issues as they arose. It was always an issue that I might need a planned c-section. Drs held off surgery until the very end wanting to give me every chance with a vaginal delivery because of serious hemorrhaging risk. In the last week decision made to go fir planned c section to avoid risk of emergency c section. Baby had disengaged. Df had grace to tell me delays in planning this all due to obs gynies being crap surgeons. And pooh poohed all talk of high risk of hemorrhaging in last week as all these decisions were being made, it's just all the medical consultants I was dealing with are incompetent. Turns out they were right.

I've been nc and now lc. Had an op a few years ago. Pretty major one. Lead to serious complications emergency second surgery. He had taken no interest at all in the lead up. I know not to expect any real interest and just dont bother. But I nearly died in hospital and his friends heard about it. Cue the involved parent act. For days he called me several times a day. I'm barely conscious in hospital. Endless haraguing about what he needs for Visa yo visit. The op had been really well prepared for dh family visiting to help out etc. I told him repeatedly visiting was inconvenient house is full. I'm recovering. But it was all really about how it would look to others. So incredibly exhausting. Plus having to apologise to the various nhs staff my f was hounding on the phone demanding to speak to someone. God now I remember it it was so awful. I was so incredibly battered and his endless drama about essentially him endlessly selfish horrible man.

My ex MIL asked me to type up a Christmas letter for her to send to her friends and as she had bad arthritis in her hands I said no problem, give me the letter and I'll type it up for you....

(Background: me and Ex had not long moved in together and he had moved out of home for the first time ever and she had no taken it well)

I opened the letter to type it up..... "Merry Christmas to you all, (ex's name) has moved in with (my name) and they live about 6 miles from me now, it's been 8 years since (her deceased husband) has died and I'm now all on my own and I hate it.......

Basically the letter went on pretty much in the same thread, about how she hadn't liked the fact he had moved out and met someone and she was all alone.

I said to my ex - is she really going to send this Letter and he was like 💯 yes she will.

Happy Christmas misery letter anyone?

This is also the woman who followed me round the shop when I was in my later stages of pregnancy and when I picked up a newborn outfit (Upto 12lbs) and she poked me and said

"I'd put that back if I was you, you don't know how big this baby is going to be"

DS was a healthy 8lb 5oz so not like I was giving birth to a toddler.......

I can laugh about it now but I could literally write a book about all the awful things she said and did.

My ex Narc said it was my fault because I was having guilt issues over leaving my ExH that he went onto a sex swingers site, set up a full profile and was messaging a woman from it.

Also that he was contacting escorts because he was being caring as he was asking them about how he could make the experience of a threesome (that I didn’t know was happening) a nice experience for me.

What a kind, sensitive boyfriend he was 🤮

My mother once said that I always put myself, husband and children first - what about her and my father?

Some gems from my mother. When her mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer...”why do bad things always happen to ME?”, when I split up from my very long term partner and was devastated “no-one thinks of the mother in this situation, I’m losing him too!”. I’ve never had a single regret about going NC five years ago. Last time I saw her was at my wedding (felt the pressure to invite her - shouldn’t have), she looked at my dress before and said “is THAT what you’re wearing”. I can laugh now about her, thankfully.

"I want to have a child so it's not about me all the time"

Oooh

On telling me my cousin had just miscarried at 11 weeks
"Oh Karen has just lost a baby the poor poor thing...."

I commented: "that's around the time I had my miscarriage..(the way she said lost her baby I thought she meant stillbirth or SIDS)

She replied :
"oh I always forget about yours...poor Karen"

She has after the birth of every child (3 c-sections) disappeared on a two week holiday with her friends/ jolly with a work colleague

Permanently disinterested in what I'm telling her, it's obvious she's on the laptop and isn't paying attention.

She makes everything about her....just so self-absorbed. Shouts easily if I disagree with her in the wrong way.

Very very arms length. Not warm, affectionate with me but will hug and kiss my kids. If she does deign to hug, she can't look at me.

Incidentally a pillar of the local.community.

My ex - I can't promise I'd cry at your funeral

My dad died and when she saw me crying said ‘stop crying, you have no reason to be upset he was my husband’.

That's my mother!!!!

My mother who, After the death of my father from cancer, decided to tell me she too was dying from cancer because she felt left out of all the attention. She was not in any way, shape or form dying of cancer...She didn't even have it. And got very cross with me whenever I attempted to broach the subject from then on.

I was living at home when I met my future husband. Parents hated him so much and made my life such a misery I had to leave home. I got on the bus to go to work, found I couldn't go in turned around and packed my bags. Almost had a nervous breakdown. When I married they decided 3 weeks before the wedding that they would come and my Dad would give me away. We patched up the relationship for the sake of family unity. That's what you did back in the day.
So got pregnant immediately after the wedding. Bear in mind that I was married, in a stable happy relationship, had a 2 bed flat we were buying. Mother's reaction when I announced the exciting news? It's no use crying over spilt milk I suppose'. I kid you not

Darkest , why are you with him?

I'm not sure my DM is a narc but these stories remind me of something she did once. She rang me up in a panic because she wanted to visit SIL and her brand new DC2 in hospital, but DB wasn't answering the phone. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of her when I'd given birth to my DC1 a week earlier, nor when I got kept in because of complications at 37 weeks. We ended up LC for quite some time after that.

I told my mum I had bought my wedding dress and her first response was "well for God's sake show me a picture so I know what on earth I'm going to wear to this wedding" (!)

Narc Mother

Abnormal smear (minor) then tells my sister I've got cancer

And most recent is calling my son 'her baby'

So many I could write!