"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

@SingingLily - thank you, for you.

My mother lives 4000 miles away and came to visit for a couple of weeks. We took DD away for a 4 day weekend while DH relaxed at home. The following weekend (just before she was scheduled to leave), I had arranged for DH to look after DD while my mum and I had brunch and went shopping.

At the last minute, he claimed that he had a sore throat so he couldn't do it and he also complained that we had already gone out the day before (he didn't watch DD then). When I pointed out that he had the entire preceding weekend to himself, he said, "but you didn't do that to benefit ME."

The sore throat magically cleared itself up of course.

Wow! I'm so pleased to see the posters saying 'nc now'. Those people are horrendous.

Me: (lightheartedly) "Oh no! My Marigold flower head got broken off"
DP (replying in a jovial tone) "next time we fall out I'll kick the heads off all your flowers if they mean that much to you".

My sister-in-law told me she once went out to the garden as a child, discovering her mother (MIL) sat stark naked in the sun.

MIL turned to SIL and said,
"Would you please get me some grapes."

What an oil painting.

Weirdest story I've ever heard.

My mother (been NC for years) found out I'd had children and created a new email account to say "well, I hope now you understand why I was such a bad mother" because obviously children are so awful the only type of mother I could be is a bad one...
So, so many awful stories from her that justify the NC but this one, though mild, tickles me!

And a more light hearted (batshit) one. My mother wailing incredulously that I hadn’t been made best man for the wedding of a friend of a friend that I hardly knew because “I’ve just bought you a new suit!”.

Exh - after I called him out on affair, gambling, compulsive lying etc .. ‘you seem to have made up some parallel universe for me, so you can beat me with it’ .... errrrr.... no, you made this parallel existence for yourself .... I just found out about it! 🤬🤬

@last, your dad sounds exactly like mine. He expects everyone to jump to attention the minute he calls or wants to have a 'discussion' (more like him dictating to me how things should be). My stomach literally drops when I see him calling.

I'm also the crazy difficult bitch of the family because I refuse to put up with his abuse and have gone LC. I'm biding my time to go NC but cant just yet. I'm not close to the rest of my family because they all enable him and think he's autistic (he's not)

Dh was on life support. I had to go home to collect our son to come visit his dasls.
Pils went home. I said go get some food ill pick you back up in a hour
What for.. We're not sitting in intensive care with you. We are going to have a drink!!!

We had a family business, my Dad, his two brothers and a sister, myself and two of my brothers worked there. Dad was in his fifties and had cancer, had been to the hospital to be told there nothing more they could do.

I was outside work, comforting my youngest brother, who v v upset, he was around 20 years old. Uncle came and found us, got a right bollocking and told us to get back to work, 'we've all got to die of something' says he.

Dad dies a couple of months later aged 58.

I called to see uncle a few weeks ago, it was his 90th birthday, he's blind, deaf and just sits in a chair, more or less a vegetable, I wasn't sad to see him suffering.

Reading this, I think I’ve just realised that my mother is a narcissist...

When I miscarried I was told with no sympathy ‘well at least you can get pregnant.’ And then in the next sentence ‘it was worse for me, I lost my baby at 17 weeks, you only got to 12 weeks’.

Thanks mother.

Some gems from my “darling” mother
On seeing first photo of first grandchild “she’s awfully fat and ginger”
When I told her the sonographer had said the baby was too small for my dates and to bring DH next time as it looked bad” she said “you get small babies you know, well I’m going to pray for this baby as you obviously don’t want it”
“You can’t be pregnant again I’ve told everyone you’ll wait at least a year, will they let you become pregnant so soon after loosing a baby” when I told her I was pregnant a month after a mc
“Oh I knew it was another girl you obviously can’t carry boys, only real women can carry boys, your not a real woman until you have a son” on hearing DC3 was a DD

I could be there all night, have been NC for 10 years and ages never met DS

Gathered the ILs together to announce that I was expecting. Baby would be first gc. The first words out of SILs mouth? "How will this affect my inheritance?". She insisted that she got an answer before anyone else could comment.

This Christmas I bought my mum presents that she said she liked when we were out shopping. She sulked all Christmas day and then said "just ,because I said I liked them does not mean I wanted them , you put no thought in" . I ordered my own presents from her and bought everyone elses from her !!!

God, so many of them! I hope this thread has been some comfort even if just knowing we're not alone

To the poster who asked me what my reply to her was (from the OP) I wish it had been 'fuck off!'
Actually I apologised 🙈 and kept 'dancing the dance' for another 3 years by which time I'd had DS2 too and realised I had to cut contact for their sakes

There was an event too outing to talk about which was the ultimate final straw but calling DSs 'sins' as ex-dp and I weren't married was a particular highlight 😒

@HappyLoneParentDay I managed to find your name! Answered your question

On buying my wedding dress my DM sniffily asked if I thought I was entitled to wear white.

On phoning her to tell her I was pregnant with first grandchild. She said "I`ll have to think about this" and hung up

On telling her of my third pregnancy "You will have an abortion then"

Her best and most oft comment "You know I never, ever tell lies" sheesh she was a pathological liar.

Still took me years to go NC.

These stories are funny and sad. It is good to know we are not alone in this.

My mother, when I (aged 15) finally plucked up the courage to tell her I had been suffering from bulimia: '

"What a dreadful waste of food".

The subject was never mentioned again. There were many more examples of extreme fuckwittery. Years later, she caused a stink around my dad's death and tried to prevent me from attending his funeral. That's a whole thread on its own.

She's dead now and it's a relief to no longer have to deal with her.

MIL when I phoned to tell her of my 16 year old son’s traumatic death a few hours previously and while police still in house
‘ oh dear oh dear oh dear, now let me see, when will the funeral be? as you do know that we’re booked to go away at the end of the month and we’ve already paid for the accommodation and FIL has booked the car rental. Oh dear oh dear oh dear what a shambles

My not DM when I took my newly born DD to stay with her ‘you can’t come to my work because my boss thinks your DD is older than she is’ - she’d lied to her boss about when my DD was born (earlier than she was) so she could use the time off her boss had given her to look after me to go on holiday...

NC now for 12 years. Best decision I ever made.

Oh my god flamingjune123 that's horrific. I'm so sorry.

'You always just want to be with your child or your friends you never make time for me'

Then I'd be blocked on all forms of social media and ignored for a while to teach me a lesson for having a young son and friends.

My ExH when I was miscarrying and bleeding heavily left for work as usual and said 'let me know how you get on'