"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

Oh yes, my mother in particular is a giant toddler. God it's draining. Glad I am very LC.

One day after getting married

“I’m just going to keep calling you my girlfriend: wife sounds so old”

Needless to say he’s an XH now and some other poor woman’s burden

We were surrounded by families celebrating their child’s achievement and he was behaving like a giant toddler

Sorry to hear that. Unless it was the final nail in the coffin that made you go NC. In which case, well done.

I've PM'd you. I have a story but scared it will out me.

and so easy to spot when you know what you are looking for. When it's all "me, me, me" and there's no reasoning with them.

Yes. Thank you. I've been reading up about narc behaviours recently. Seeing them described as having the emotional maturity of a five year old was a revelation.

Also, seeing them described as never getting past the whats-in-it-for-me of an 11 year old. Most people grow up and grow past juvenile selfishness. They go through their teens and never really stop growing.

Narcs on the other hand, don't. Also I learned through reading about it is that their behaviour serves them. So they don't/won't/can't change.

I can pick it up in others now in a social situation and swerve like superman. Gives me the willies to see a narc. in full flow.

I called my mum to say DP had got his dream job and we'd be moving to a beautiful part of the country, which was further away from her.

"Oh no, how will I see you?"

Fucking bitch.

I speak to her about once a week. We spend about 45 minutes on the phone. I'm lucky if I get 5 minutes talking time in.

Heavily pregnant walking around the maze that is Ikea and my back was aching so I told exDP that I needed to sit down as my back was hurting. His response, "How do you think I feel?" 😂

After giving birth (in labour for 3 days), exDP HAD to go home as he was exhausted and his back hurt! 😂 Thank God my equally exhausted cousin manned up and stayed the night with baby and I.

missdew I actually didn’t manage to go NC until about 15 years later after many many more incidents like that - it was only being pg that gave me the courage to do it, there was no way I was exposing my child to his crap

I was going to namechange for this but didn't bother.

An old 'friend' of mine was a narc. I really think she's probably on MN. When I see some bonkers threads/responses I always wonder if it's her.

Anyway, she was coming to mine for tea one Friday night. We spoke on the Friday morning and she mentioned she'd had fish the night before for tea. That night at mine we also had fish. The following day she sent me a really long text message telling me how disappointed she'd been that I'd given her fish even though she'd had it the night before and I'd known this. Things escalated pretty quickly when I realised she wasn't actually kidding culminating with her telling me to leave her alone. I did, we haven't talked for about five years.

Thank you to all the posters. This thread has helped me come to terms with a very difficult time in my life. Helped me confirm that the things my ex husband was saying and doing were not acceptable and I was right to end the relationship. To the posters who have been challenged ' why are you still in that relationship' - those comments aren't always helpful as it's easy to judge and comment on someone else's life. it's extremely difficult to be in a situation you are unhappy about and have genuine limitations as to what you can do to improve your situation. I know I was very fortunate to be able to act when i had experienced 'the last straw' moment. Please believe me it took time to gather my strength, my family and close friends rallied to help without question or doubting me, I had made some secret plans of where I could go, had gathered what money I could to survive etc, and it took every last drop of my resolve to endure his subsequent backlash and behaviour after I had left him.
Looking back, I know I did the right thing for me to live a happier life in the long run. Yes it was horrendous at times but from the moment I drove out of that driveway I never missed him once nor shed a tear for him.
Dear posters, you are valued, you are loved, let no one take that away from you xx

My baby was in NICU because of a serious genetic condition that myself and his dad had passed onto him. It is a recessive condition so neither of us knew we were carriers. There is also no antenatal test for it. We didn't know anything about the condition, or that we were carriers, until he was born. He will probably be life limited, most sufferers die in their 30s.

Narc said to me 'don't worry, I have a friend with eczema, they grew out of it.'

Yeah mate, eczema and recessive dystrophic epidermolysis bullosa are EXACTLY the fucking same.

"It's your fault I'm not seeing my daughter, the only ones missing out are you and her"
Missing out on your Narcassistic ways, yes

I told my mum I had finally plucked up the courage to leave my abusive XH.

Her reply, “You don’t make life easy for me, do you?”

We've had another corker from MIL who is obsessed with it being 'too hot'. This starts when it gets over 17oc and literally everything from about April to October is blamed on 'that heat'. Its hilarious because she regularly goes away on hot sunny holidays abroad. So DD (10 months) for over a week. She's been grizzly, up all night, clingy and had a raging temp. GP diagnosed a virus. I'm bloody exhausted from lack of sleep and catching said virus. MIL declared several times that it was clearly a 48hr bug (it had been going on for 8 days) and that "viruses are caused by hot weather". Well I can concede that if DD is feeling crap then hot weather wont help but to with all seriousness state a casualty I found quite funny. I dont know if she thinks the sunny beats down viruses in some sort of solar flare or that they sit waiting in the clouds?? I suggested it could be all the soft play sessions we've been doing with DDs friends recently but of course I'm wrong, should think of 'that heat' and havent seen how bad DD was - no MIL you struggle through that 3 hours you watched her whilst I had an apt whilst I was up for a week on the trot