"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

So many terrible parents

Not half as bad as some of the dreadful stories here but-

From my mother, when I said (slightly tearfully) that I would miss ds1 when he went to university- "I think I'll miss him more than you" (she saw him once every few months or so)

On my mentioning some of the awful things my DDad had seen/been through as a police officer:" Oh it was much worse for me, I had to listen to him talking about it, it really upset me" (they were divorced for 37 years before my DDad die)

On my telling her that my eldest brother had sexually abused me: "Oh it's really upsetting me, I feel so awful, you don't know how awful it is for me"

All of which were met by comments such as 'Fuck off' and ...well, just that really

But my favourite one, from the above-mentioned eldest brother in the last contact I had with him, several years ago, was by text. He "called me out" for daring to question him on a FB post he put up. He called me a sheep. I called him a twat. He then pompously informed me that I was so stupid I couldn't even spell 'twit' correctly. I gleefully told him that 'twat' was EXACTLY the word I'd meant, that he should brush up on current slang and promptly blocked him across all platforms so he couldn't reply. It still makes me smirk to think of him frothing with impotent rage that he didn't have the last word.

My narc mother - "You were meant to be/should have been a girl". "You made me miss Christmas dinner". "You disturbed me by daring to cry in the night for feeds". "I need your pocket money for fags". She has said a metric fuckton, dating back to when I was a child.

Told MIL I was pregnant and she said "I had a dream I was sat in the garden with a baby" didn't even say congrats. When we told her the gender "don't tell your dad" again no congrats.

One of my earlier memories is my Mother slapping me hard around the face for crying because my lovely Grandad had died. 'He was MY Father, not yours' she hissed at me.
the list of what she has done is pretty comprehensive. I'll not cry at her funeral. I won't be there. I stopped mourning the Mother I could have had years ago as I never 'had' her. Sad.

This thread is therapy.

I'm just noticing (should probably have occurred to me earlier) how these people all seem to flair up at special occasions which aren't about them. Graduations, Weddings, births, Christmas etc all seem to be times when narcissistic people do their best work.

When my newborn DC was very sick at birth PIL were constantly on the phone to DH sobbing how unfair it was that they 'weren't getting to enjoy being grandparents' because the hospitalised baby hadn't been to their home yet and demanding that DH make it all up to them immediately because it was so disappointing. Never asked how I was or how the baby was.

The threatened to disown us right before Christmas and said DGC was 'dead to them'... DC was still a baby at the time. Sent nasty text messages on Christmas Day. Threw a tantrum after Christmas because they didn't like the gifts we gave them (professional framed photo portrait of DGC and chocolates was not 'personal' enough) Demanded we change DC christening plans to suit them and invited six extended family members and themselves to spend literally ALL DAY at our home the day of the party. Sulked on Mother's Day because only DH (AKA her son) signed her card. Said we'd ruined their 40 year anniversary and they spent the whole day crying because they hadn't received our present. Threw a tantrum the week of my Masters graduation....and on and on it goes.

We've learned to just plan trips away for Easter, Mothers Day etc. which is sad because my family is lovely and we miss out on a lot of special occasions with them by being away.

I am pregnant again now and dreading whatever theatrics they have planned this time around. I wish DH could just hang up the phone but he's not there yet, he feels it's his responsibility to appease them every time.

My uncles wife kept harping on to my mum saying my mum didn't understand how hard it had been for her when my uncle had cancer (he has been cancer free for years). My uncle and aunt had gone to visit my mum who was actually weak in bed and dyingof cancer at the time. My uncle was mortified.

Thanks FuckmyLifeRightNow and SunshineCake.

"Every country, every company, and every house has a president and I'm the president of this house and you need to ask for my permission - XH

Forgot to put in post - i was 4 when my Grandad died.

💐StripeyChina

When I was four, I summoned up the courage to ask my mother if I was adopted. It was the only explanation that seemed to make any sense. She snapped, "Don't be so stupid" and walked off into the kitchen. I was in her bad books for the rest of the day again.

SingingLily

I did that very same thing. Other mothers were nice to their children and it was the only reason I could think of that mine wasn’t.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland - yep, narcs excel at occassions which aren't about them because how dare somebody else get to be the centre of attention for a minute!

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother many years ago, probably at the time she accepted the Bitch was a narc. For some reason we were talking about my non-existant wedding (was single at the time, this was just hypothetical) and I said I'd dread it because the Bitch would not be happy she wasn't at the centre of it all. My mother agreed, and said I'd just have to give her a job to do to make her feel special! Now I do know where she was coming from, but this was a 40 something woman we were discussing, not a child! She eventually said that if I didn't want to invite the Bitch she was fine with that, but to be honest just not getting married is the less-stressful option!

I could provide many, many examples of things the Bitch has said to me over the years. My tactic is to avoid her as much as possible, which is easy seeing as how I live 250 miles away. Until last Sept I hadn't seen her for over 5 years, which was just fine with me.

Of course, she is oblivious to this, other than she did ask my mother, earlier this year, why I'm so cold with her. She has no idea. Because as far as she is concerned, she is the most perfect being in the whole of creation. Or somesuch rubbish!

thanks SingingLily
very sad that both of us by age 4 knew something was wrong :(

Excellent thread. I can think of 100's but let's stick with a few

-for my DM's 60th birthday l drove halfway up the country during a very busy and stressful period of my life. Bought her a present and took her somewhere nice for lunch. I couldn't go to a long time friends hen do as it was the same weekend. My mum accused me of being lazy and not doing anything for her birthday. Just to clarify she did nothing for my 30th. Already dreading her 70th. What is she expecting?! @vampirethriller got me thinking about this one

-my auntie arriving at the restaurant booked to celebrate my graduation, announces she likes NONE of the food at all on the menu. We then have to go to a separate restaurant where none of the food especially appealed to me but that was tough apparently

Loving the high profile stories at other people's weddings, graduations, labours etc. But when it's not about you then l suppose you have to escalate!

Too many to say about my mother, but this is from my mil when DH and I moved house, which would increase her drive to visit us from 10 minutes to 30 minutes.

"You'll forget all about me, and one day I'll be found dead where I've lain for a week."

Where her partner was in this scenario no-one liked to ask!

When I told my dad that I was done with trying to salvage anything of our relationship, he expressed regret that he had never really got to know my husband as well as he would have liked. Apparently alienating his daughter was just an unfortunate accident, but missing out on being friends with my husband (who he wants to be 'in' with because of his high-profile job) was a real tragedy.

When my ex heard I was in a relationship with now DH he said "I definitely won't take you back now you're sleeping with him you know."

My response was to laugh. He's still single, I've been married 7 years.

pisspawpatrol

When my ex heard I was in a relationship with now DH he said "I definitely won't take you back now you're sleeping with him you know."

😂😂😂😂

MIL finds horrible pictures, distressing ones, and shoves them in front of you and watches your reaction whilst licking her lips, literally salivating. Is that narcissistic?

We went to the war museum and there are some distressing pictures. She kept saying “come and see this one!” as if it were something jolly. It was horrible.

@pisspawpatrol that is funny.

A bit of an essay.

When I was 17 (mid 1980s) I was off NI form with tummy ache. Dad at work, brother at work mum went for an a morning nap.

I got up to walk to another room and collapsed in pain, I managed to crawl back to the chair and tried to wake her up by shouting. It was about 12.00 noon.

Eventually she wakes up and comes downstairs and I tell her I need a doctor, she tells me to take a paracetamol and go to bed. IU told her I couldn't get to bed and needed a dr. I thought I was going to die because whatever was causing the pain wasn't being treated.

This went on and on with her getting mote and more exacerbated with me 'refusing' to do what she said.

My brother came home, got changed and went out to his second job.

Eventually my dad came home and he, and this is the only time I can remember him not siding with her, called the Dr.

The Dt arrived, took one look at me and asked where the phone was to call an ambulance.

He (Dr) managed to examine me while waiting for the ambulance.

The ambulance crew walked in and made a comment about me being green. I had jaundice.

Obviously she then had to be the one in the ambulance with me, interrupting the paramedic to ask him to turn the blue light on.

Long story short my gallbladder being cut up with stones so I did not die, I just had a week in hospital.

But after this I was told, "you have no idea how I felt, in that ambulance, it was terrible for me'.

My Mother when I called her to say my daughter had broken her leg: "God I hope you don't expect ME to take time off work to help with this."

Mother when Stepdad's Dad had been dead for all of about two weeks: "You need to knock those foul moods on the head because you're starting to piss me off"

Mother when DDs appendix burst and she went into sepsis "Oh with your sister's ovarian cyst bursting I'm starting to worry that things come in threes and that I'm next"

Whenever I write this stuff out I do start to wonder how I haven't developed a severe Pinot Grigio habit.

@4sides She sounds like my mother! I can remember having quite a nasty experience at work and required counselling. My counsellor advised avoiding morbid topics. I told her about this and she immediately stuck Schindler's List on and began drawing my attention to the really heart-wrenching moments and salivating

They're like dementors!

There are support forums for people whose adult children have cut them out, the narcs insisting that they are not truly abusive, in their minds abuse is when you starve and beat people anything else doesn't count.
Their modus operandi is death by a thousand cuts, individual incidents which could be explained away, they always try to have plausible deniability but when you join the dots you can see that this person is trying to crush you

they always try to have plausible deniability but when you join the dots you can see that this person is trying to crush you

Yes.