"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

Oh and I found out after df died that as I was the eldest child and he had no other family, I was left to deal with his debts and funeral costs, I refused and signed all the details over to dm to sort out

My mother - so many. This is one that always stays with me.

I announced I was pregnant with their first (and still only) grandchild. She announces to everyone that she's not sure if she's ready to be a grandmother.

I think that's the only time I've actually told her to fuck off, despite many other equally appropriate opportunities!

My mother isn't a narc but has terrible self confidence issues and felt it was some dreadful rejection that I wasn't exactly like her. My sister was =golden child.

I felt constantly punished for this.

Among the gems were:
"You'll never make anything of your life".Strangely now I'm a partner in a city law firm she completely ignores my career, has never congratulated me, it's as if she's angry I proved her wrong.

"He's only going out with you because he can't get anyone better" (about my first boyfriend).

"You're no oil painting" (I'm actually fairly decent looking but didn't believe it for a long time.

"You're cold/hard/don't care about anyone except yourself". I'm quite a stoical person and she hated that I didn't "need" her emotionally unlike my sister who was always confiding in her or sobbing on her shoulder. For years I thought I was a bad person. Until I had therapy last year and realised I'm actually fairly nice, and very kind and caring.

"You'll get AIDS before you're 17" (again because I had boyfriends as a teen, she had not dated until 21 and promptly got married. This was the only "right" way to do it.)

Later on she frequently told me my husband would leave me because I didn't look after him enough (we take turns cooking etc) and because I wear tracksuit bottoms around the house. (He still seems to be here after 24 years.)

Did not tell me I looked nice on my wedding day but went into paroxyms of ecstasy over seeing my sis in her bridesmaid dress. While we were having some photos taken before leaving for church, the heavens opened and we got soaked. My sister was wailing and moaning that her hair was ruined and my parents were all over her comforting her. I pointed out that mine was also ruined and I was, after all, THE BRIDE, and was told "well she's upset because it was important to her to look nice today".

I'm now v LC, as the comments started on my children too. Apparently I have brought them up wrong, they are spoilt brats, I don't keep them under control etc. Surprise surprise my sister's kids are the golden grandchildren and she has done everything right! Since going LC I hear barbed comments about how this (not seeing them much) is evidence that I never loved or cared for them. I think they really believe this.

My sister won't see me as she is jealous I have a daughter and she doesn't. My mum has pandered to her by not having photos of my daughter in their house and acting (with my sister) like she doesn't exist. When I remonstrated I was told "she is so sensitive, we all need to be kind to her".

Last time I saw my parents they told me they'd made my sis and BIL their executors for will and trustees for their future power of attorney (note I am a solicitor and therefore probably an ideal choice, but no ...)
I told them it was fine.

Ahhh, I feel better for that!

@SummerSix completely! Not what you want when pg and with a newborn. Just remembered he also got into a fight when dd was a few months old in town and was delivered to me in a police car. He found it hilarious because he had got a load of teenagers into trouble with the police because rather than walking on by when they called out something he didn't quite hear he HAD to turn around and make it a big deal. Oh and the time shortly after that I got a fine in his name to my home saying he had just left a car in central London which had been towed and scrapped... He simply didn't give 2 shits about anything or anyone other than himself. Amazing the amount of drama that went with him.

Agree, this is very therapeutic!

@Isleepinahedgefund yeah, I got exactly that too (after 'why didn't you ask ME if you could get pregnant?')

@honeylulu and that too! The "you're so hard/cold" and "I don't know how youll be any good in X career" - I work with incredibly vulnerable women and children who have been in shitty circumstances, I have to be supportive and practical but actually they last thing they need is me blubbering about how awful their lives have been, they already fucking know!

So many similarities to my circumstances on this thread.....

• The constant put me downs and belittling
• Wasn’t allowed any friends over as a kid
• Flirting with my boyfriends (I remember feeling uncomfortable years ago when I spotted this now I just feel sad for her)
• Emotionally not being there for me. Has never comforted me, asked me how i’m feeling. I tried to tell her once and the conversation was switched to how I make her feel
• At the age of 14 stopped giving me any money and I had to get a PT job to buy clothes, pay for sanitary wear
• Even through A Levels & University I had to work to pay for stuff
• Consent jibes about isn’t xx (my OH) good that he cooks a meal
• Isn’t he good he irons his own shirts (I should add we both work FT - I work longer hours and have a longer commute)
• Everything has to be done her way
• Never helping me out
• Not being allowed to greave my beloved fathers death (as he was her husband I had nothing to be upset about)
• I wanted to do a small reading at my fathers funeral. I wasn’t ‘allowed’. It was her funeral and she decided. A complete stranger from her church congregation did it
• i suffered a stroke post a freak sports accident and spent 3 weeks alone in a French hospital (it never crossed her mind to help me or visit me)
• Has fallen out with every member of my dads family and her own (but it’s all their fault)
• Can’t admit any wrong
• You can’t have a conversation with her and disagree about anything as it turns into a blazing row (she is always right and forces her opinion)
• Goes from giving you nothing to the grandest gestures (I now don’t accept anything from her as she uses money as a tool to control)
• Is a pillar of the local church but not a very pleasant person at all (its all an act)
• The last time I saw her I had just got engaged. She was staying for the weekend. Never said congratulations or bothered to look at my ring. I can’t decide if she’s just thoughtless or because it isn’t about her it’s ignored
• And the best which has wound me up for years..... ‘you need to find a man who can control you’

My mother had a rough childhood and just doesn’t know what a loving parent relationship is. I’m now mid 40’s and still scared of her (still have memories of being slapped around the face, being pulled to one side ‘I want a little talk with you’ (still fills me with dread), her constant shouting to bully you into submission.

Haven’t seen her in over 2 years, I speak to her twice a year and am completely grey stone on her. The relief is immense. Of course I am an absolutely terrible child for doing this and it’s all my fault.

I think that's the only time I've actually told her to fuck off
both my parents have done and said numerous things that I found deeply offensive and hurtful, the thing that bothers me most is that I was never really able to stand up to them, it's as if they have some kind of spell over me

Haven’t seen her in over 2 years, I speak to her twice a year and am completely grey stone on her
Do you have any tips for managing a low contact strategy?

My father insisted on choosing his suit first for my wedding, then dh could pick one to match it.

My mil got an irregular heartbeat when we told her I was pregnant(unmarried). She’s fine 23 yrs later but still says it was the start of her bad health.

We’re lucky we have one each so we can play who’s got the worst narcissist parent.

My DM said boys would only go out with me because I had big breasts. I shouldn`t wear lipstick because my lips were too big and I looked as if I had been at the jam.

The funniest thing she did looking back was when she found the pill, which I had hidden in the large ear of a teddy bear on top of my wardrobe, she never had to clean my room so must have snooped regularly when I was out. This was the first month I was taking it. She marched down to the GP and tore a strip off him for giving it to a single woman and told him to stop. He told me he threw her out.

I was engaged btw!!

My DM said boys would only go out with me because I had big breasts

My mother said I couldn't be considered to have a good figure because I had small breasts. She said it almost every time she saw me, turning it into a "hilarious" joke ie "I don't know why you waste money on nice underwear/bikinis etc ... as you still look like a boy!" (I didn't/ don't and actually have a fairly good figure.) If I objected I was being surly/moody/difficult and it was "only a bit of fun".

You won't be surprised to hear that she and my sister both had enormous knockers and therefore had done it right!

My dad, collecting me from my uncle’s house, where I had gone in tears having a horrendous panic attack that made me feel like I was dying,
‘How dare you go to MY brother?’

And having driven me to a psych appointment (he offered), from which there was no local public transport I could have used to get home, which he knew.
‘So you expect me to just sit here like a fucking lemon?’

I shared a birthday with my boyfriend. He asked me if I could ‘defer’ my 21st birthday so that ‘his’ day could be ‘all about him’.

My nan I think was a narcissist, I remember when I was about 11, she bought a board game based on the TV programme 'Blockbusters', we were playing it for the first time, and I knew quite a few of the answers, they were just general knowledge ones and she accused me of opening the brand new game behind her back and reading all the questions, she would just not have it that I might actually have known the answers myself. She got really nasty about it too and I was just bewildered at how she could think that way.

I was doing well academically at school too when I was older, when I mentioned going to university, which was a possibility then, she told me to work at Sainsbury's on the checkouts instead, and when I passed my GCSEs, good grades and everything, she blanked me. Growing up I was close to her, as my relationship with my mum and her son was terrible and she made out she was there for me, but she hated my mum and now I wonder if she just used me to get at her.

I was told uni. was wasted on a girl. So go out to work and give me half your paypacket. Well I did get a degree my OH supported me whilst I did one. So never too late.

The funniest thing she did looking back was when she found the pill, which I had hidden in the large ear of a teddy bear

Snap! Not the teddy bear bit, but the snooping through my stuff / reading post and emails was a regular occurrence. When my dad found mine, (he left an empty coffee cup in my bedroom so I knew he’d been there) my Mum went crazy.

“But what if you get pregnant?!”

Apparently she was disappointed because she had always expected me to wait until I was married to have sex, like her. (not that this was ever communicated to me, I should have known psychically)

Also my biological father, only met him the once so don't know if he's one or not, I traced him and contacted him, we arranged to meet in a train station, and then spent the afternoon in pubs and bars, he claimed to not know my year of birth, and thought I was two years older than I was, (he'd only ever had one other child), admitted he'd been perving on me 'naturally' when he'd first seen me coming up to him, told me he was an alcoholic and hadn't drunk for years but today was the day he was going to start drinking again, (while with me) when I told him about about my mum and stepfather being abusive and throwing me out age 17, told me I sounded 'bitter', ridiculed my fake tan and said I looked 'dirty'. Never saw him again.

He had been in a relationship with my mum too, had been to see me in hospital when I was born, so why he had no clue as to what year I was born in was beyond me.

@Whosorrynow - the LC strategy is pretty easy for me.

I went to Uni at 18, left home then and never went back. I knew from an early age my education was my way out.

We live 250 miles apart so the distance helps. I haven’t been back ‘home’ for about 4 years as TBH I have so many bad memories of the place I have no plans to visit.

My mum last came to visit me over 2 years ago and after a weekend of constant digs and her parting words of ‘I hope you can control her because I can’t’ to my OH I went LC with her.

She plays this game that if she rings you once, you are then expected to ring her back (even if she’s out and you leave numerous messages). It doesn’t matter - you have to ring her.

I left around 4 messages for her the last time we played this game and she never rung me back (that would be my ‘punishment’). One of the last times I spoke to her I had one word answers and she was pretty unpleasant so I haven’t bothered since then. Of course i’m a terrible daughter for not ringing her.

I last spent Christmas Day with her about 5 years ago. She doesn’t even ask what i’m doing.

My advice would be you can’t control them, you can only control how you react. You need to develop strategies to cope with their behaviour.

When I told my mum I was getting divorced, she got up and stormed out of my house.

She barely spoke to me for 5 weeks. Then told me it was because I had been “thoughtless” in the tone of voice I’d used and the way I told her, as it was upsetting for her to have grandchildren with a “broken family” and I needed to realise how these things affected other people.

Then said to me “I hope you’re not doing this because you think you’ll meet someone else, you’d better accept you’ll be alone forever.”

When I bit at that one and said that was not a very nice thing to say, she started shrieking at me that “it’s not all about you” and said I’d always been “very self absorbed”.

Luckily I am way past the point of ever expecting emotional support from her, and can sometimes see the funny side 😂 But, still.

Oh, and about my abusive ex DH... “Well, he’s always been very nice to ME. I’ve always got on well with him.”

Or, when she sulked because I asked her not to buy an identical necklace to the one I was wearing on my wedding day.

Then months later, randomly accused me of “deliberately encouraging her to pick an outfit that she looked bad in” to wear to my wedding, and then moaning that my teeth looked whiter than hers in the photo, so she didn’t like the wedding photos.

We spent a whole DAY looking for her outfit! And about half an hour looking for my dress. She picked exactly what she wanted. Why on earth would I have wanted her to look bad?!

After kicking out exH, he kept coming back telling me how I should take him back because of how bad it was affecting him, not once did he ask how I was or tell me why it was good for me to take him back.

My mother similarly, after spending 30 minutes on the phone talking all about my cousin and her DC and then said, oh that's it now, I'm bored, never asking once how I was and hung up.

Another cracker, saying you're just like x aunty, that's why we dont get on. Nothing to do with you saying things like that then??

@Smiggleiscrap bingo. Same here my mother loved my exH. Even though I'd gone NC years before she texted me saying he will take you back, as if I would go back after I managed to escape!