"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

the aim of these multiple attacks is to stress you and confuse you, provoke you into acting out and acting against your own interests
If you lose your temper and call them out they will always explain it away, spin it away, turn it around and use it against you.
It is theoretically possible to play them at their own game but then you become a pig wrestler
Disengage, walk away

she immediately stuck Schindler's list on
This is the predatory instinct, as soon as a weaknesses is identified they become very interested, very attracted to you, focusing in like a leopard gazing lovingly at an injured animal

My MIL decided to ask me if having my husband circumcised as a baby had affected our sex life. Two teenage sons didn't know if they should die of embarrassment or laughing. They went for laughing.

Apparently it had worried her for years. I have to say the thought of her constantly worrying about our sex life was rather off sputting.

About 10 years ago my DS and his DP got engaged. DP phoned her mum, who lives on the other side of the world, told her they were engaged and said they'd like a simple wedding at a special location to them in the UK.
Cue tantrum from mum that they were choosing to do that just to upset her, that wedding should be a 'proper one' and should be in her country so all rellies could be there.
Wedding was 'put off' and hasn't happened yet.

constantly worrying about our sex life was rather off sputting

That’s a rather fitting spell check. 🤣

After mum had died my narc sibling remarked, 'I need to be at work with people I love and who love me.'

(Talk about being kicked when you are down)

Also, 'Why didn't you TELL me you needed to see me ?'

Gobsmacked doesn't begin to describe it. Erm, mum had just died. Which part of mum has died did you not understand ? I was to grief stricken and shocked by the earlier response to say I thought we could support each other. Nope.

'You've always had transient jobs' (Yes this is true, but, WHAT DID THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT MUM HAS DIED ?')

On finding out that I'd had 2 bouquets of sympathy flowers and 2 cards simply remarked: 'That's sad' (Sibling in question got enough sympathy flowers to, 'open a florist' as our widowed Dad remarked.)

Narc wouldn't even discuss having the first two lines of mum's favourite poem read at her funeral. Wouldn't even discuss it during the funeral planning. Dad was to upset to do much more than agree with narc because it was/is easier. No, let's have a meaningless church magazine poem instead because narc chose it i.e. I'm grateful to have feet it means I have legs. That one. I'm grateful to pay taxes (said no one ever).

Wanted nothing to do with me in the intervening weeks between death and funeral (don't ask). Except for when we met with the vicar who remarked on church activities of the vicar running the church when we were teenagers I.e. youth club etc that narc attended. I refused to be lamely trailing along in conversation with the younger sibling, 'me too' wail. Only other time was to plan mum's funeral. She left very few instructions. Narc thought that was code for to let her do it.

No communication between me and narc except for when she absolutely had to I.e. meet with vicar and also funeral planning and narc got her husband to act as a telephone screen when I called.

So, a couple of years later, what I now know as, 'hoovering started.'

Nice gift. I was bewildered but grateful to get it.

Let's say I'm older and wiser now because of the work I've done understanding narc behaviour and what 'hoovering' means i.e they suck you back in. Narcissistic supply is what they are after. Google the term narcissistic supply. It's a real eye opener.

There's more narc, 'past victories' I could describe but they would out me even further. That post would be even longer.

About 5 hours into labour

"yeah, I've got a bit of a stomach ache too"

Back story, When I 6 and my ds 3 parents split, (dg had v bad gambling addictuon and general laziness) df had arrangements to see us eow, this worked for about a year and then he kept coming up with excuses for not seeing us, eventually it was once a month if we lucky

Then when I was 9 he remarried and basically disappeared, moved and changed numbers so we couldn't contact him not matter how much dm tried

Cut to me turning 21 and all of a sudden he contacts dm with a long rambling excuse letter hoping that we could forgive for going awol, but still not wanting to see us.

He got a letter back from me telling him just where to go and never contact us again, I was furious, don't walk in and out when it suits you imo

He ended up dying of cancer 2 years later apparently begging to see us but that was no a from me, can't pick and choose when to be a parent

I was furious about this for years but with age I am more mellow about it

My mother demanded a "one to one" meeting with my ex, when I was 6 months pregnant to "see where his intentions lay". Now... I was 28 at this point, already had an 8 year old, had been with ex since we were 14 (having known him since we were 11). I also hadn't lived with her since I was 18. I had a career, I had my own place, I was never going to get married (my parents marriage put me off, for life, quite frankly).

Why did my mother demand the meeting with my ex? Whom she'd known for half our lives at that point, near-enough? Because I'd had the audacity to have lunch with his mother two weeks earlier.

During this meeting, which I refused to attend, she accused my ex of "being nasty", "making" her light up a cigarette (he said: "it's your choice, but you'd better not do that around Contrary and the children!"), and demanded that he refund her for the pram she'd bought as a gift for my youngest.

My ex left there, came home, looked me dead in the eye and said "NOW I get it!". Until that night, I don't think he actually did, because I shielded him from an awful lot of it. Ironically? 4 years later, when he cheated on me and I kicked him into touch, my mother was the one wailing and gnashing her teeth...

Yet she still can't understand why I won't tell her if I'm dating/involved with anyone.

She also admits to hating my 14 year old, whilst going out of her way to enable my 23 year old (who is a chip off of my mother's block!). She (my mother) keeps bleating about how my daughter "never had a father" (erm... she kind of did and still does) and how my son "ruined" any possibility of my daughter ever being happy (he really didn't). It's beyond frustrating to try and make someone understand that biology doesn't equate family.

When I was newly pregnant with my son, at 9 weeks, I miscarried his twin. Hugely traumatic. My mother's response? On the day that I had the viability scan to determine if it had been a full miscarriage? Was to tell me, in front of my daughter, that I "deserved" to lose my baby because I was an awful baby growing up... and then she got snitty when I pointed out that she wouldn't know as she wasn't really the one who raised me. My grandparents and oldest brother did that.

StripeyChina and SingingLily - another one here who thought they must be adopted although I hunted through the bureau for my birth certificate. I think I was about 10 and just could not understand why I was treated so differently from my DB.

MIL telling me how she 'hadn't slept a wink in days and was SOOO tired. I could never know just how tired she was'. She was visiting me and DD in the special care unit when I was post c section and feeding a poorly baby all night. That's when I thought, wow, just wow. This woman has some serious issues, some serious balls to say that to me, or both.

I used to think I must have been adopted because I was treated so differently to my siblings. I couldn't (still can't) fathom how my mother could do the things she did to someone she gave birth to.

Yep, I was convinced I was adopted too

apparently begging to see us. You see, I think whoever told you that only did it to hurt you, the fucker. I dare say my NC siblings would probably pull that shit on me, if they knew where I am.

Didn’t think I was adopted. Just wished I was.

backofthewardrobe, SanFranBear, vampirethriller, CraicMammy, aussiebean and everyone else who thought they were adopted, or wished they were 💐

My lovely DSis, who was scapegoated from birth, waited until she was 14 to ask the same question. My weak enabling father, trying as always to elicit every drop of sympathy for his wonderful wife, said, "No but you really have to look at it from your poor mother's point of view. You see, she only ever wanted three children" and shrugged his shoulders helplessly. Coz, yeah, that's exactly what any normal decent parent would say to Child No. 4, isn't it?

I can't forgive him for that. Ever.

Years later, after my DSis gave birth to her much-longed for first child (after she and DBiL had gone through the mill trying to conceive), my mother arrived at her bedside, took one look at my adored little niece and sniffed, "Grandchildren. They are so binding. You'll understand that yourself in time".

NC nine months, two weeks, three days now. Sheer bliss. My lovely DSis recently made the same decision. We have each other though and always will.

S1naidSucks

It was my dm that told me this and I have no reason to doubt her, he just wanted his own way and would of done anything it seemed to get me and ds to his bedside

All the stories of narcissists being awful to their young children have got me wondering, did anyone have it the other way?
My mother was absolutely wonderful - used to do baking and allsorts of crafts and shopping trips etc with me when I was little right up until my parents got divorced when I was 12 and then she totally "turned"
It's like without my scapegoat father around anymore she had to choose a new victim and that was me and then my little brother became the golden child instead, much to his own detriment (she pulled him out of school to "home school" when he was 10 because she couldn't stand being at home alone all day and therefore my brother can barely read or write now at 22 - the thought of getting an actual job didn't cross her mind I see)

evil my mum was both. she did all the baking, crafts etc and could be lovely but she would also belittle me and call me names. And tell me she wished she'd never had kids.

It's so hard. Can't imagine speaking to any child like that, let alone my own.

Oh yes, the belittling and being told I'd ruined her llfe. But, oh how she was golden - I still have schoolfriends who write in cjristmas cards "love to your mother too".

She told lots of people I was an odd girl and difficult. Funnily enough her best friends from when I was a teenager still send me birthday and christmas cards - I'm nearly 59. She fell out with them years ago but I think they know and know I know iyswim.

Oh yes, I thought it was all relatively normal until I had my first baby and held him in my arms. Then the enormity hit because I knew my entire being and purpose was to love him and make him secure. It rocked me.

Making my dad stand next to him to confirm he was taller, by 1cm then telling my dad "tough luck buddy, I win that one too!"
(my dad is not obsessed about being over 6ft5, strangely, so was a bit )
Telling me that I was spoilt and unimaginative and had a gaping void in my soul while he bounced about from one woman to another having various 'emergency' operations that were purely cosmetic but extreme and blamed the women for his alcohol and pain med addictions
To Judge "I'll see dd when she is 18, then I can be the cool dad" (Judge literally rolled her eyes and explained she might want a relationship before then)
The over-competitiveness of absolutely everything; so wearing!

@LonelyTiredandLow Hes your ex then!

Dont blame you, he sounds exhausting

My mother: "It's because you're not a very nice person" when I wasn't invited to parties as a little girl. (It was probably more to do with how rude she was to everyone, actually.)
"I don't like how you're turning out, you're becoming something very unpleasant" when I'd taken too long to make her a cup of tea aged about 9.
This is very therapeutic. Thank you everyone.