Horrific family fallout

[blackcat2345]

So I have just been witness to a tsunami of resentment and anger aimed at DM from DB and SiL,

To cut a long story short DB lives 3 hours away and rarely makes trip down to visit DM or us. DM now has care needs and one of the serious options is her coming to live with me which is 30 mins away.

So DB and his family have been here this weekend, primarily to discuss care options and also to visit DM who was seriously ill last month.

So when we were altogether we DM said she had considered options and we (her and I) had agreed living here (in the absence of options offered by DB) seemed a sensible solution.

Well that totally opened the floodgates. SiL started crying and said how upset she as her and DB are seem as the 'poor relations' and how I am favoured over DB. "She has always loved your children more than ours". Really brutal stuff.

DB then launched into what can only be described as a full on rant at DM recanting every 'misdeamour' and wrong doing over the last 20 years.

DM was utterly pole axed and just walked out.

DB turned tail immediately afterwards and left with his family.

I am left here wondering just WTF to do and utterly shocked by what happened.

That's not my story Oliver

Is an annexe to your house - what YOU want... I can see why your DM wants a serf onsite carer but what about what works for your family DH & DC
in practical terms it will be messy/expensive build that may/may not add value to your house and you will have your difficult DM living in it with you on tap ...your relationship with your brother may never recover... I;m not sure this is necessarily teh best option for you all ...why dont you use the build money for care in her home..

had long talk with DM this morning (steering well clear of personal involvement with emotional issues). Asked her to be totally honest about her wishes and one thing she is 100% sure of is her desire to move. Several of her local friends have passed away over last couple of years and she doesnt feel the same connection anymore. Offered to ensure all the practical help is organised if she does stay but thats not what she wants.

So defintatley narrowed down to moving here or sheltered accomodation (but that may still require a furhter move)

Whoops wrong thread.

Swore I was on another thread

Oliver - I think you wanted this thread ! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3621230-Parents-want-inheritance-back?msgid=88080410#88080410

Crikey, thought I had problems!

Any update op?

Sorry yes. Finally got response to email. No mention of underlying issues but that he felt this current problem was caused by DM apparently telling me one story and him another,
Said no ill feeling towards me and thanked me for support I've given DM.

Step in the right direction I guess

Totally ! Good to read this op. Hope it resolved itself.

I suspected as much. You need to find a way of preventing your mother playing you off against each other.

Tell each other what she's said honestly and be honest with each other and communicate calmly and clearly without assuming what mother has said is accurate.