"You are short and thick"

[Nadia86]

Hi. First time poster here. Need some advice or perspective. I realise people have real problems and this is probably nothing but I am lost and really not sure what to do.
Have been with my boyfriend just over a year .Great relationship ,partnership I would say ,no issues at all. Until this week. We do not live together ,we are happy as we are.
We talk all the time on the phone ,whatsapp as we live in different places ,half an hour away train journey. We see each other 2-3 times a week –again it suits us fine.
Two days ago we were talking about my country of origin on whatsapp and I said my looks indicate where I come from (facial features etc no need for detail here).To which he responded that he didn’t think I was tall enough –he pictured women from my country to be tall and slim and I am “short and thick”! I got annoyed and told him so and was not very chatty with him all day that day but didn’t discuss it any further as I wanted to see him on Wednesday (as we previously planned) to discuss what he said and why I thought it wasn’t nice.
The next day we just had a casual chat on whatsapp as usual and I said to him why his comment was unnecessary and that I couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”. To which I replied that I am more than aware of what I look like and that it is not necessary for him to point it out. And then I mentioned about me coming over tonight and said I would like us to have dinner etc and we could discuss it ,I could explain my point of view and just see each other. He told me to give it a miss and that if he is making me so insecure then we both need to give it some thought…. That was yesterday afternoon .Not heard anything since. Spoke to a few friends and decided to give him time.

Wtf????? I am struggling to see where I went wrong here apart from pointing out I didn’t like the comment and that I wanted to explain to him why.
Not sure what the hell this silence from him means. This has never happened before. We are both 35,mature adults who have not had any issues like that before.
My issue is - I am still just as insecure as any other woman is. I am a UK size 8/10,very fit, healthy and attractive (don’t mean to sound in love with myself as that’s not the case). I am awesome! I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am . I look good. He loves my body and I love his. He is healthy ,fit and we both have the same goals in regards to our health and fitness and we support each other. Not sure why he tried so hard to tell me /prove to me that I am not skinny! To do his stupid instagram research to prove his point as if I didn’t get what he was saying first time around.
And whats worst –I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Not sure what the hell is going on. Spoke to some friends – different ideas here as what happened-he is in a huff because I was in a huff (lol). He is trying to show me who is the boss and that I am wrong. 3-He knows he did wrong and does not want to admit it. Honestly I am lost. Cant stand this silence.I am pissed off and want to tell him that but will not do it over a text. One friend suggested he is acting like a child and playing games (again it has never happened before). Other friend told me to ignore it. But I am too angry and sad at the same time to leave it like this. What do I do?????

Oh this is sad

He messed up, his silence is maybe embarrassment, have you had any awkward conversations in the past? Sounds like he thinks it's all too much drama and doesn't want the stress tbh

Well I don't think that stating that you're 'short' is particularly offensive, if you are, but calling you 'thick' is both mean and patently untrue.

I think it was an unkind, untrue comment designed to insult you and when you called him out on it he should have apologised. Instead, he tried to back up his ridiculous comment with photos and then flounced, with a thinly veiled threat meant to make you beg forgiveness.

Ergo, he's a twat and just because he kept it well hidden until now doesn't mean that he wasn't one before. True colours can take awhile to come out.

like i said we never had any issues. We have been great ,I think ? Trust me, we do not stress each other out. This is why I am so stuck,but thank you for your response.

Thank you hellodarkness.....this is what I have been thinking too I am afraid it is just hard to look at the worst scenario.

He's testing to see what you'll put up with.

If you stay with him, you pass the test. The reward is worse and worse treatment and worse tests to pass...and then even worse treatment.

Walk away from this one.

PicsInRed thank you.....god this is really making me think long and hard

He was rude enough in his description of you, now he's sulking and being even more rude in his lack of contact.

I've never seen a "thick"-bodied size 8 woman, unless by short you mean you are 3 foot tall. Hes an unkind idiot.

He sounds like an utter twat

I think ‘thick’ in this context might mean what the ‘yoof’ say as a complement to Kim Kardashian type shapes (hourglass, small waist) However as a fully grown adult who offended you he should have apologised, reassured and undone the damage! He is a tit

So what do I do? I dont put up with shit.But the silence is actually worse than the comment.Even if we were to break up I would rather talk it out!Love him he has always been respectful and kind. Until now.Took him a year to show his true colours?

I am 5 foot 6 for the context lol

So you are not short or thick. He's a cock - get rid .

He sounds like an arse and clearly doesn't find you attractive. Move on and find someone who does.

Im so fucking sad!!!!

and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am

You refer to yourself as thick???

So where is the issue?

Tbh my younger cousins wouldnt see thick as an insult. It means curvy.

Thick thighs for example are a good thing.

I know loads of female bodybuilders who always show off their 'thick thighs'.

Extremely rude and tactless of him.
Sounds like he wants to put you in your place/like someone else said is testing you
Do not contact him - he needs to come to you first and apologise for being such an utter nasty prick.

So you're about average height and below average dress size, but he says short and THICK! WTF!?

At 5 ft 2 inches and a size 10 to 12 I'd dread to think what he'd call me. But I know he'd better be a fast runner!

I think "thick" is currently used as a compliment - which context do you think he meant it? Could it have been a compliment that back fired?

I never disagreed with the comment.i didnt like the delivery of it and also didnt think it was necessary.Felt shit.Took years to learn to love myself I dont need my insecurities pointed out by someone I love and who sees me naked!

Could he have meant you are 'thicc'?

I am assured by my 20nyear old son that this is a compliment...

Wtaf, who describes a five foot six size eight woman as short and thick.

He was trying to upset you.

Bin it off.

He's just taking a little time out to think about whether he wants to be involved with someone who is insecure and creating a drama out of him saying "short and thick" when he just meant "not skinny". Men often speak without thinking, just like we do.
Do nothing for now, wait for him to contact you.

But does he thinks it's a negative?

Who is to say tsll and slim is the positive.

My dp doesnt find very slim women attractive. He likes my build which is a 12/14. If he told me I had lost weight and looking very thin/slim/skinny. From him that wouldnt be a compliment.

Is English his second language?