"You are short and thick"

[Nadia86]

Hi. First time poster here. Need some advice or perspective. I realise people have real problems and this is probably nothing but I am lost and really not sure what to do.
Have been with my boyfriend just over a year .Great relationship ,partnership I would say ,no issues at all. Until this week. We do not live together ,we are happy as we are.
We talk all the time on the phone ,whatsapp as we live in different places ,half an hour away train journey. We see each other 2-3 times a week –again it suits us fine.
Two days ago we were talking about my country of origin on whatsapp and I said my looks indicate where I come from (facial features etc no need for detail here).To which he responded that he didn’t think I was tall enough –he pictured women from my country to be tall and slim and I am “short and thick”! I got annoyed and told him so and was not very chatty with him all day that day but didn’t discuss it any further as I wanted to see him on Wednesday (as we previously planned) to discuss what he said and why I thought it wasn’t nice.
The next day we just had a casual chat on whatsapp as usual and I said to him why his comment was unnecessary and that I couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”. To which I replied that I am more than aware of what I look like and that it is not necessary for him to point it out. And then I mentioned about me coming over tonight and said I would like us to have dinner etc and we could discuss it ,I could explain my point of view and just see each other. He told me to give it a miss and that if he is making me so insecure then we both need to give it some thought…. That was yesterday afternoon .Not heard anything since. Spoke to a few friends and decided to give him time.

Wtf????? I am struggling to see where I went wrong here apart from pointing out I didn’t like the comment and that I wanted to explain to him why.
Not sure what the hell this silence from him means. This has never happened before. We are both 35,mature adults who have not had any issues like that before.
My issue is - I am still just as insecure as any other woman is. I am a UK size 8/10,very fit, healthy and attractive (don’t mean to sound in love with myself as that’s not the case). I am awesome! I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am . I look good. He loves my body and I love his. He is healthy ,fit and we both have the same goals in regards to our health and fitness and we support each other. Not sure why he tried so hard to tell me /prove to me that I am not skinny! To do his stupid instagram research to prove his point as if I didn’t get what he was saying first time around.
And whats worst –I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Not sure what the hell is going on. Spoke to some friends – different ideas here as what happened-he is in a huff because I was in a huff (lol). He is trying to show me who is the boss and that I am wrong. 3-He knows he did wrong and does not want to admit it. Honestly I am lost. Cant stand this silence.I am pissed off and want to tell him that but will not do it over a text. One friend suggested he is acting like a child and playing games (again it has never happened before). Other friend told me to ignore it. But I am too angry and sad at the same time to leave it like this. What do I do?????

She's 5'4 - corrected after. That's fairly short, especially in demographics that are above average height.
'Thick' is not a word I like, being from the generation that understands it to mean stupid, but it supposedly means curvy and sexy, so I'm not sure why you are offended that he called you short and thick.
You're mostly offended it appears because he dared to comment on your body at all. Which is silly. And I'm not surprised he didn't want to meet you tonight to talk MORE about why you're upset that he made a presumably fairly accurate observation about your body which to him was describing positive attributes.

He could have worded it better.or try and explain.not just write „you are not skinny”

@Proteinshakesandtears I realise thick is not an insult, equally at 5ft 6 and a size 8/10 I'm not sure "thick" applied as a body shape. He meant it as a compliment, she took it as an insult by the sound of it.

Are " your people" typically taller than you?

By "short" did he mean " shorter"?

Perhaps in this instance it was a compliment that was lost in translation. It seems the Instagram was to show you, with pictures that he didn't mean unattractive...

The average height for a woman in the UK is actually 5ft 3.

People think 5ft 4 or 6" is short? It's not. It's actually taller than average.

I don’t know if this is maybe an over reaction??

He’s called yor short and thick - for those thinking he’s called her stupid he hasn’t. Thick is a term used to curvy girls.

I wouldn’t of taken it as an insult and I’m pretty sure you know him well enough for you to know when he’s being a dick right??

Maybe his insta research was to show you its not a bad thing in the way it was meant....

So if for example you were Somalian and we have a perception of Somalian girls as tall, fine featured and slender, and he said you weren't typical because you are too short and curvaceous ( thicc standing for big bust and bum which some men love). He might think you have over reacted. You insisting on meeting to talk it through might make him think that even more. I haven't read the ft .

If you really like him, try and get past this. My husband is kind and lovely but my emotions are often a mystery to him. You both have to work at it to make a relationship grow.

I don't mind being called short (I am short).

It would never have occurred to me that "thick" could ever be a compliment. Even now that it has been explained, I still find it a horrendous expression.

I would have reacted the way you did, OP.

He shouldn't be sulking. I might be tempted to message and tell him that sulking would make me reconsider the relationship. Then leave the ball in his court.

Now I know that my body type - slim arms, shoulders, waist, stomach and curvy thighs and bum - is apparently called thick! Really pleased. Thanks for the thread.

Until people have disagreed with your reaction OP, you didn't really see anything wrong with how you responded to his clumsy comments.

It could be this isn't the first time he's had to hash, rehash, double hash things with you. From his point of view it could seem that you are a little obsessive and pedantic?

If you've already gone over it a few times I can see why he balked at the idea of yet another rehashing of it over dinner, when he'd had no choice but to sit and listen to why you reacted, what he did wrong, how you felt, and so on.

He might be a jerk. Or he might just need some time away from any risk of drama?

The silent treatment and wanting to cool things off is not on OP, he is being a bit manipulative with it, i hate that.

However, thick is used as a compliment well especially where i am (N. London) basically curvy. If you type #thick #thickthighs on insta you can see its not used as an insult.

Being thick is a compliment

Almost 60, and I've heard lots of songs where the men are extolling the virtues of thick women.
Its a compliment.

@InsertFunnyUsername He could be at the end of his tether, though, if this kind of thing happens regularly.

any possibility that he was being a) value neutral and b) really tone deaf? ie you are short and thick (neutral fact) 'and that his how i like you' being the implication? as in i think people from spain have dark hair but yours is sandy. like factual and he's being a bit clueless about how it's received? it could be a terribly cute if disconcerting misunderstanding he's so into his short and thick woman that he can't imagine why anyone would take offense at that description?

He said not tall and slim, thick and short, the opposite of tall and slim. Very rude. I would take that as a massive red flag, trying to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself isn’t on. At all. But I have history, do I spot it a mile off or am i over sensitively. Who knows. But I’d dump for that

I must admit I’m one to get the red flags out on this board but I think this sounds like a misunderstanding. FWIW I don’t think he was trying to be nasty. I’ve had conversations with my partner where we’ve both described each other’s body shape. Clothes shopping for eg )we’re both female) and neither of us are catwalk material, but it’s been affectionate, and in no way demeaning or ill intentioned.

You do sound a bit insecure OP, and he’s obviously a bit clumsy in expressing himself, but if you want to continue the relationship then you’re going to have to learn to communicate with each other. Relationships are supposed to be honest, and that does include each other’s bodies, both positive and negative. Obviously there’s no excuse for being nasty but from what you’ve written it doesn’t sound like he was.

Maybe if you could concede you were being a bit over sensitive and he could concede he was tactless you could both move on and get on with what sounds like an otherwise happy relationship. You sound like you’ve got your wits about you for potential red flags so just keep on being aware of the dynamic.

5 feet 4 is quite short nowadays imo, which is really bad news for me because I’m 5.2.

Skinny is considered an insult to most men as they all want to be big and buff. If he said "you are not skinny" he is trying to be nice.

You sound a similar body shape to me, 5 ft 4 size 8/10 slim on top curvy on bottom. My bf has also said to me "you're not skinny" and it was a compliment. He absolutely hates being called skinny!

Has your bf responded? I would give him his space and wait for him to get over himself. No need for apologies on any side it was a misunderstanding. I suppose what he does now will tell you more about him. Any ongoing sulking and silent treatment and I'd bin him off just for that.

Whatisthisfuckery - 5 feet 4 is quite short nowadays imo, which is really bad news for me because I’m 5.2.

OP has stated that she is 5 foot 6 - so the "short" comments seem pretty odd and not complimentary

In what universe is thick is a compliment. WTF. Never heard it in my life and I'm an avid reader and watcher of TV. Next we're going to be told 'stout' or 'matronly' are compliments too.

Or 'portly'.

I'm reposting what someone posted earlier, because you still don't seem to have understood this.

He gave a compliment
You didnt like it, believing 'thick' cant be a compliment
You told him
He tried to show you photos of it being s good thing
You still werent happy and dont believe it can be a compliment, because you see skinny as the positive look
He has got exasperated and needs some space

Oh fgs he is not abusive! And he isn’t trying to see how much you’ll put up with

I think this is a mixture between him not thinking properly before he speaks and you over reacting. You told him you were upset twice.. why did you need to chat about it for a third time over dinner? I probably would’ve told you to stay at home aswell if you insisted on dragging it out like that

‘Thick’ isn’t necessarily insulting either. There’s a different between overweight and thick. Thick to me is just curvy?
He obviously loves your body so I don’t really see any issue here?

AND
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Thicc

"TOP DEFINITION
Thicc
When a person has fat in the right places, creating sexy curves.
person 1: you see shaniqua over there?
person 2: yeah man she thicc AF"

Now do you understand why he was bemused and frustrated at your reaction?