"You are short and thick"

[Nadia86]

Hi. First time poster here. Need some advice or perspective. I realise people have real problems and this is probably nothing but I am lost and really not sure what to do.
Have been with my boyfriend just over a year .Great relationship ,partnership I would say ,no issues at all. Until this week. We do not live together ,we are happy as we are.
We talk all the time on the phone ,whatsapp as we live in different places ,half an hour away train journey. We see each other 2-3 times a week –again it suits us fine.
Two days ago we were talking about my country of origin on whatsapp and I said my looks indicate where I come from (facial features etc no need for detail here).To which he responded that he didn’t think I was tall enough –he pictured women from my country to be tall and slim and I am “short and thick”! I got annoyed and told him so and was not very chatty with him all day that day but didn’t discuss it any further as I wanted to see him on Wednesday (as we previously planned) to discuss what he said and why I thought it wasn’t nice.
The next day we just had a casual chat on whatsapp as usual and I said to him why his comment was unnecessary and that I couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”. To which I replied that I am more than aware of what I look like and that it is not necessary for him to point it out. And then I mentioned about me coming over tonight and said I would like us to have dinner etc and we could discuss it ,I could explain my point of view and just see each other. He told me to give it a miss and that if he is making me so insecure then we both need to give it some thought…. That was yesterday afternoon .Not heard anything since. Spoke to a few friends and decided to give him time.

Wtf????? I am struggling to see where I went wrong here apart from pointing out I didn’t like the comment and that I wanted to explain to him why.
Not sure what the hell this silence from him means. This has never happened before. We are both 35,mature adults who have not had any issues like that before.
My issue is - I am still just as insecure as any other woman is. I am a UK size 8/10,very fit, healthy and attractive (don’t mean to sound in love with myself as that’s not the case). I am awesome! I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am . I look good. He loves my body and I love his. He is healthy ,fit and we both have the same goals in regards to our health and fitness and we support each other. Not sure why he tried so hard to tell me /prove to me that I am not skinny! To do his stupid instagram research to prove his point as if I didn’t get what he was saying first time around.
And whats worst –I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Not sure what the hell is going on. Spoke to some friends – different ideas here as what happened-he is in a huff because I was in a huff (lol). He is trying to show me who is the boss and that I am wrong. 3-He knows he did wrong and does not want to admit it. Honestly I am lost. Cant stand this silence.I am pissed off and want to tell him that but will not do it over a text. One friend suggested he is acting like a child and playing games (again it has never happened before). Other friend told me to ignore it. But I am too angry and sad at the same time to leave it like this. What do I do?????

Thick and fat aren’t insults any more. If he has dated much younger women in the past it’s possible he may even have been expected to use those words often as compliments.

The thing is he didnt say what he meant by it or why he said it. I have the right to say if I didnt like something he said,I was calm and polite and wanted to see him to talk it out.Simple

But it is still the case that when his (alleged) compliment fell flat, he did not try to make amends or OP feel better - he is sulking and punishing her so is absolutely a mega cock

The silence is control and coercion.
The desired effect is that you come back to him to "compromise" and "make-up", in desperation to get back the lovely man he was before. That man was, of course, an apparition - he didn't exist. Slowly, you will begin to know the real man. As time goes on there will be less compromise, less making up (as he knows what you are willing to put up with) and the silences will draw longer and longer. Sometimes he will simply disappear for hours or days at a time, to teach you a lesson. Whatever he does on those disappearances will be "your fault" in his eyes, as your "behaviour" will have "driven" him to it.

You looking forward to the future? No?
Then go and make yourself an alternative one.

PicsInRed I am starting to see it that way....Or am I creating drama???

Thick/thicc is used as a compliment. My GCSE students introduced me to the word when I put a picture of somebody in sportswear on the board and one shouted out "she thick!"

From what I can tell from the internet (I've never felt so old!) it means a woman with breasts and a shapely/muscular bottom. Urban Dictionary describes it as meaning you have 'sexy curves'.

I'm a similar age to you and I would be surprised at somebody my age using it, but I would take it as a compliment.

He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”.

He was saying these women are very attractive and 'thick'. That was him trying to explain he wasnt putting you down.

You seem more annoyed that he refuses to say you are skinny. When you say, yourself, you arent.

Skinny isnt the ideal. Skinny doesnt mean good.

You are making a big thing out of nothing. You’ve just said yourself that you’re not tall and skinny, that you’re thick and curvy. He said you were short and thick. You both just said the same thing.

I know Im not skinny.But that wasnt my point.My body my business -I feel like if he isnt going to say anything nice then he shouldnt say.Unless my health was a concern which isnt.

Backing yourself with dignity is never drama.
Remaining in an uncomfortable domestic situation is far more dramatic.

@ WHEELY - you cannot seriously be unaware that a size 8 is extremely slim?? Particularly at 5ft 6in!! Jesus how ignorant.

There's nothing insecure about OP - her partner is being a twat, and is very likely enjoying the power struggle he's stupidly created.

,I was calm and polite and wanted to see him to talk it out.Simple

He obviously doesn't want to hash things over until you're happy. It indicates that person is hard work.... Even if you are right.

He was cock, said a cockish cruel thing and doesnt want to own it. You have a choice. Let it go or dump him.

He was saying something nice.

Then he tried to show you what he meant by showing you attractive women with the label 'thick'.

If do stropped at me because I called him tall and broad. (Which he is. He is 6ft 4in and broad shouldered, massive hands etc. And I find him very sexy.) I would be at a loss as well and probably give us both space to cool off. If he kept saying 'why would you point that out' I would say 'cause it's true and you are hot'

A complement isn't a complement if it's delivered unpleasantly and followed up with silent treatment.

Well if he said „you are short and thick but hot and I love you” I wouldnt be here.

The compliment wasnt followed up by silent treatment.

It was after OP said she was upset that he pointed out her body, was exactly what she said it was and they fell out over it.

But you are choosing to take his comment as negative. He showed you pics of attractive thick and curvy models to show you what he meant - he didn’t say they are bad looking did he?
Not being skinny is not a bad thing and I don’t understand his comment to be a bad one. My best friend is very tall and thin like a catwalk model and if someone calls her skinny she feels upset. She wants to look strong and fit and curvy. We all have our thing, I think you are projecting your bad feelings about your body onto this situation. If he told you you’re skinny he would then be in trouble for giving fake compliments.

That's why he sent the Instagram photos. Saying 'look this is what thick is and its attractive'

Silent treatement is the worst part of it.i guess I should wait ....its hard when you are so serious about the relationship.

Heavens! I’m in my 50s and even I know that ‘thick’ is now a compliment.

Read it somewhere. Means having a body type like those Kardashian women.

I’m guessing he’s now rather embarrassed and not sure how to fix things.

Thick and fat aren’t insults any more. If he has dated much younger women in the past it’s possible he may even have been expected to use those words often as compliments.

Don't be utterly daft - OP said this man is 35. He's not 15. Stop making excuses for his bad behaviour.

Thick is an unpleasant word. It is not the same as curvy.

It's one thing to say to someone you aren't slim but you are curvy. It's entirely another to describe someone as "thick".

To me it means thick set and is an unattractive way to describe a sexual partner. It's not the same point as "not being honest". You can be honest with out being unpleasant and hurtful in your language choice.

If he is not a native English speaker though I'd be less judgment in this area.

That said apart from rude language, going radio silent in that situation is rude and shitty.

OP, whatever you decide, make sure that decision backs YOU and not anyone else, including him, or opinions here or IRL. How much time have you spent agonising over what this man meant, rather than reading a good book or having coffee with friends? Back yourself. Life's far too short to stumble miserably on shifting sands.

And google "gaslighting".

Maybe I should sleep on it. I get this is seen as compliment nowdays but I still didnt like it. I love this guy but I dont want to feel so insecure with the silent treatement Im receving just now. I am dying to message him though!

Short and thick?! I thought that was about willies.

'Long and thin goes right in, but short and thick does the trick'.

Someone told me that back in 1969 and I still remember it although these days I can't remember what I had for breakfast let alone what day of the week it is..