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Original poster

"You are short and thick"

421 replies

Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 19:58

Hi. First time poster here. Need some advice or perspective. I realise people have real problems and this is probably nothing but I am lost and really not sure what to do.
Have been with my boyfriend just over a year .Great relationship ,partnership I would say ,no issues at all. Until this week. We do not live together ,we are happy as we are.
We talk all the time on the phone ,whatsapp as we live in different places ,half an hour away train journey. We see each other 2-3 times a week –again it suits us fine.
Two days ago we were talking about my country of origin on whatsapp and I said my looks indicate where I come from (facial features etc no need for detail here).To which he responded that he didn’t think I was tall enough –he pictured women from my country to be tall and slim and I am “short and thick”! I got annoyed and told him so and was not very chatty with him all day that day but didn’t discuss it any further as I wanted to see him on Wednesday (as we previously planned) to discuss what he said and why I thought it wasn’t nice.
The next day we just had a casual chat on whatsapp as usual and I said to him why his comment was unnecessary and that I couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”. To which I replied that I am more than aware of what I look like and that it is not necessary for him to point it out. And then I mentioned about me coming over tonight and said I would like us to have dinner etc and we could discuss it ,I could explain my point of view and just see each other. He told me to give it a miss and that if he is making me so insecure then we both need to give it some thought…. That was yesterday afternoon .Not heard anything since. Spoke to a few friends and decided to give him time.

Wtf????? I am struggling to see where I went wrong here apart from pointing out I didn’t like the comment and that I wanted to explain to him why.
Not sure what the hell this silence from him means. This has never happened before. We are both 35,mature adults who have not had any issues like that before.
My issue is - I am still just as insecure as any other woman is. I am a UK size 8/10,very fit, healthy and attractive (don’t mean to sound in love with myself as that’s not the case). I am awesome! I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am . I look good. He loves my body and I love his. He is healthy ,fit and we both have the same goals in regards to our health and fitness and we support each other. Not sure why he tried so hard to tell me /prove to me that I am not skinny! To do his stupid instagram research to prove his point as if I didn’t get what he was saying first time around.
And whats worst –I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Not sure what the hell is going on. Spoke to some friends – different ideas here as what happened-he is in a huff because I was in a huff (lol). He is trying to show me who is the boss and that I am wrong. 3-He knows he did wrong and does not want to admit it. Honestly I am lost. Cant stand this silence.I am pissed off and want to tell him that but will not do it over a text. One friend suggested he is acting like a child and playing games (again it has never happened before). Other friend told me to ignore it. But I am too angry and sad at the same time to leave it like this. What do I do?????

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 20/06/2019 21:17

'Thick' is a compliment in some cultures, it means you have nice curves. You know him so you'll know how he meant it tho

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 20/06/2019 21:17

@Protein - how would you classify a size 8/10? With respect OP is up to 3 sizes smaller than you.
Just interested, I am 5ft 6in and a size 8/10 on me is positively skinny. This isn't just my opinion - have had a lot of comments saying this.

Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 21:21

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected

Yes I said I am bigger than her.

Even at a size 8, pre kids I had thick thighs and a thick ass it's my body shape.

Not all size 8 people are the same body shape. You can be a 14 and have skinny thighs.

As I said its about body shape. Not dress size or weight. Or over weigh etc.

I work within the fitness industry and know loads of girls who have low body fat are very slim. But because they are body builders (bikini classification not the heavy weight) who ask have thick thighs and a thick ass. It's all the squats.

Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 21:23

Case in point.

Someone on the body building circuit, who is a size 6 but has thick thighs from squatting.

Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 21:24

Actually beyonce is a much better example. From pp

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:24

Just messaged him saying only „ hi hope you are ok?” Will see.he is my boyfriend Ffs I cant stand this silence. Waiting for a reply.

OP posts:
Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 21:26

Yeah if he carries it on for ages, he is being a dick about sorting it out.

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:28

Exactly @proteinshakesandtears .I hope I know him well enough and that it will be ok.

OP posts:
carla1983 · 20/06/2019 21:28

I'm amazed that anyone here thinks having a thick body is a compliment?? I'm a native English speaker and have never heard that before in my life.

Secondly, I think it's weird that he sent you Instagram photos of other women and when you're size 8/10, and 5ft 6", he thinks you're short and thick?

I wouldn't want a man to be commenting/passing judgment on my body in this way and looking for photos of other women while he makes his comparison.

Maybe you could do the same for his cock, and while you're at it, make sure you do some research into cock photos and send them to him?

He sounds like an objectifying twat.

TapasForTwo · 20/06/2019 21:28

I had no idea that "thick" was a compliment these days.

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:29

If he carries on Im not going to beg and plead. I dont deserve this silence that Im sure of!

OP posts:
carla1983 · 20/06/2019 21:30

Oh, and not only has he been passing judgment on your body, he's now giving you the silent treatment when his comment went down like a lead balloon.

I would not be impressed, in your place.

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:31

Thank you @carla1983 my thoughts exactly and exact reason why I posted. But I still hope his intentions were not bad just the delivery.who knows.might not find out if he never speaks to me!

OP posts:
Thequaffle · 20/06/2019 21:31

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=thick

This is what thick means.

Proteinshakesandtears · 20/06/2019 21:34

Oh, and not only has he been passing judgment on your body,

He wasnt passing judgement. He was complimenting her, during a conversation about her looks.

But, yeah if he carrys on the silent treatment, the original situation doesnt matter.

He is a dick.

GeorgeTheBleeder · 20/06/2019 21:34

Really wish I could remember the source of the article I read! It was somewhere very respectable, the FT or some such - but I can’t find it now.

Google ‘slim thick body types’ ...

Such bubbles some of you live in! Grin

grace7 · 20/06/2019 21:37

'Thicc' or thick is used as a compliment.

Could he have meant it that way? It's supposedly meaning to describe curvy in the "right" places.

Thequaffle · 20/06/2019 21:43

OP, if I were you, I would message him in the way that someone suggested earlier saying sorry I was in a mood with you, can’t wait to see you soon. It makes it clear that you’re not going to talk about this argument anymore. If I was him, I would be a bit scared this is going to be another fight or a big discussion.

If he doesn’t engage after that then he’s an ass.

motherofcats81 · 20/06/2019 21:45

Don't think it's "living in a bubble" not to have heard that! I'm a couple of years older than OP, have lived all over, read all kinds of media and talk to all kinds of people every day for my job and I've never heard "thick" used in that way - I would have taken it the same way as OP, as meaning kind of thick set or stout. Having said that it's interesting to see the alternative meaning and it sounds like that is what the BF was trying to explain, but he could have been more reassuring that he found her hot as OP said.

I imagine you will get past this OP if you both want to, though him sulking about it won't help.

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:45

Thank you @thequaffle. Just waiting if he responds to „hi,hope you are ok” and take it from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:46

@motherofcats81 you are spot on,thank you.glad Im not being crazy!

OP posts:
carla1983 · 20/06/2019 21:49

Also OP at 5ft 6" you're not short, you're (more than) average height.

Average height for a woman if 5ft 3".

So

  1. You're not short...at all
  2. Thick is a fucking weird way of complimenting you, as a young woman, I've never heard this term before
  3. Most men know that women get insecure about their bodies, what with all the perfect looking people shown in advertising, and celebrity culture (and porn too...yuck)

It would have been nice if he had said, you're curvy and gorgeous... Not, you're short, thick and here are some pics of women to compare yourself with.

Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:55

Exactly @Carla81 thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Nadia86 · 20/06/2019 21:56

Sorry @carla1983!

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 20/06/2019 21:59

I think it probably would have helped if he'd used words rather than pictures to explain. OP appears to see her bodyshape differently to how it actually is - and so seeing those pictures won't have helped because she simply doesn't equate that bodyshape with herself.

Hopefully the silence won't go on, but if it does that's more of a red flag than the argument.