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Original poster

New man courting me in weird way?

191 replies

Hannah11BobbyPins · 17/06/2019 06:19

I met this guy recently who I really like. Sorry to sound like a dreadful wanker but truth be told I'd probably be considered out of his league (sorry, makes me cringe saying it but thought I needed context). I'm significantly younger and attractive, he's broke and not conventionally handsome, but I'm extremely drawn to his 'vagabond, primitive-macho type vibe'.

If you could bear with that obnoxious intro, thank you! We're in a situation where I'm letting him court me. We both know there's an attraction. But yesterday when we were together he kept detailing his huge list of sexual conquests to me which felt to me like a misguided courting strategy. Not sure why he thought that would work because now I'm thinking I don't want to be another 'notch' and he could have an STI :S

has this happened to anyone before? Is there a chance for a decent relationship, not just sex? For context, be spent the whole morning showing me photo albums of his childhood (hours doing it). We're quite close

OP posts:
formerbabe · 17/06/2019 12:54

Surely the only time young attractive women shag unattractive older men is when they're rich/successful/powerful?!

This guy sounds like a total loser

1forAll74 · 17/06/2019 13:05

Just go along with this relationship as it stands, you are attracted to this older man, and that's it. Kind of see where it leads to. Despite his so called sexual life before, he may not be into it that much now, as sometimes older men are not so good. !!

I think that sometimes, unusual relationships,ie,types of people.. types of looks,and ages can work.

RantyAnty · 17/06/2019 13:06

He sounds like a con artist to me.

He's reeling you in with his sad stories and childhood photos while making himself out to be some wise yoda you can look up to.

The reason you seem to have so many interests and things in common is because he is listening carefully to you and mirroring you.

It's all a well crafted con he's been doing for years.

Do you happen to have a good career and a house?

TheGoddessFrigg · 17/06/2019 13:08

Oh god, now I know what my ex is up to..... [smile}

carla1983 · 17/06/2019 13:19

I had 2 exes who reeled off their sexual exploits in the early relationship, they were both massively insecure. This is a red flag for sure.

Huskylover1 · 17/06/2019 14:00

53 and broke? Fucking hell. No thanks.

He just wants a shag. He doesn't even treat you with any respect (talking about previous shags is hardly Romeo and Juliet territory, is it?)

Even if it did become more than a shag, you can't have kids with him (he's got no money), you can't enjoy nice meals out (he's got no money), you can't take nice holidays (he's got no money).

I would imagine there's a very good reason why he's single and broke at 53.

You are 28. You could find a handsome and solvent guy your own age, to marry and have a family with.

Or, you could embark upon "Project Hobo", whereupon you try to "fix" him, let him suck you dry money wise, and be childless.

What choice seems more sensible?

Huskylover1 · 17/06/2019 14:01

Oh, and I'm 49 and I wouldn't touch him with your barge pole.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/06/2019 14:05

have a family with.

Op has already said she can't have kids .. though with donor eggs, surrogacy, adoption etc I believe there may still be options.

Besides lots of people have been told there were extremely unlikely to have kids and have had them.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/06/2019 14:06

"Project Hobo"

That caused me a public guffaw Grin

Lockcodger · 17/06/2019 14:30

This no one is 'diagnosing' him as a narcissist but you have to admit there are some red flags here that could mean he is one.

I'm always suspicious of men who talk openly about previous sexual experiences as this is what narcissists do. Also the lack of responsibility by having nothing going for him at 53, no money (?due to his irresponsibility) and other women are staying clear for the past 10 years despite him 'wanting' a relationship. He also sound very self absorbed by showing OP endless pictures of his childhood.

There's often a very good reason for this and he sounds like a total headfuck who is getting off the power imbalance here (much older, acting as a 'mentor' etc.)

It is hard to know without more information but theres loads of red flags and most women wouldn't go near this guy for the above. It can't hurt to be cautious with a guy like this.

Abcd3 · 17/06/2019 14:48

I wonder whether part of the appeal could be that because you’re so much younger and more attractive, you maybe think that if he were with you he would adore and cherish you. The fact that he seems quite focussed on himself (talking in detail about his past conquests and spending hours showing you his childhood photos) very much suggests that this would not be the case.

Perhaps also the fact that he is such an unlikely boyfriend for an attractive young woman has a certain romantic appeal - the idea of doing something very different and triumphing over the odds. But for all the reasons people have said, it really doesn’t sound a good idea to get involved.

Eesha · 17/06/2019 14:56

I've been seeing someone like this, broke, bit older, sexually very experienced, not relationship material but it was an ego boost to have someone so interested in me plus he is so different to anyone I have ever met. Try and see your situation for what it is, mine is exciting sex on a regular basis.

Sarcelle · 17/06/2019 15:07

Eesha, you need to work on your self esteem! Why on earth would you be flattered, it's the other way around.

OP, go for it as long as you realise it is just sex, with an immature man. There are loads of them around as others have said, but he is not long term relationship material. He doesn't sound attractive or a catch, but each to their own.

A cautionary note, he is quick to relay his sexual conquests. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he shared his experiences with his mates, chapter and verse. If he is bragging to you, he has bragged to them. So you might end up being discussed with them for no reason than you are his latest shag.

Eesha · 17/06/2019 15:33

@Sarcelle it was more that I was getting a lot of attention who I was declining but there was something different and exciting about this one. I certainly don't feel it was a lack of self esteem, I'm very much in control and we have been seeing each other casually for a while. I guess I'm saying to the OP to ask themselves what they see in this person, is it a bit of something different or do they want something short term etc

billy1966 · 17/06/2019 16:07

@Moralitym1n1 has him well sussed.

I remember thinking this type of guy was amusing and interesting in my early 20's, not that I got involved with them, but I worked with them in the expat community. So wise and witty. Now I look back and think of their poor wives raising children at home, while they were working abroad and chasing tail! Yuk.

SignedUpJust4This · 17/06/2019 16:58

Abcd3 has hit the nail. You think this older man will worship you and be so grateful but you're just a piece of fresh meat to him. He sounds a creepp

growlingbear · 17/06/2019 17:04

Showing you pictures of his childhood. Hmm

I imagine an endlessly tedious slide show which ends with: But that's enough about me. Tell me, what do you think about me?'

growlingbear · 17/06/2019 17:06

OP, come back and tell us ten lovely things he has done for you this month to show how much he cherishes, respects, values and appreciates you. If you can't reel them off, then you know where you stand with him and his friendship.

DistanceCall · 17/06/2019 17:36

Surely the only time young attractive women shag unattractive older men is when they're rich/successful/powerful?!

No, that's actually not true speaking from personal experience, alas

BMW6 · 17/06/2019 22:43

Seriously OP at his age he'll have old fella's arse. You really don't want to see that until you are that age too.

He's the oldest swinger in town living on "past glories". Very sad.

If you really must, fuck him then forget him - just like he has always done. But don't say I haven't warned you about the saggy, sad flat arse.

Original poster
Hannah11BobbyPins · 18/06/2019 00:57

Wow ok there's definitely a consensus here I wasn't ready for Shock
glad I posted to get some perspective.

Lol at those photos. He's a bit tidier than that, not a fedora-type, he's Australian and a country boy..wears the cowboy hat (super masculine in that way, maybe a touch traditional about his views on gender). we're both on farms, I moved from the city a little while ago.

Ok... so probably won't have an update until tomorrow or the weekend. Honestly I do wanna f* him... if he's bad then I think I'd get him out of my system.

Sorry should've explained more about the photos thing. When he was at mine a couple of weeks ago I had a photo album out and we sat down and looked through it. He mentioned little things like "I used to have a beard would you believe" and I said "I need to see photos!" so when I went over I asked him to get the photo album out.

He's broke but works as a builder. Sometimes can't find work. Spends a bit much on booze. He's living rent-free under an agreement with the landlord that he'd do work on the place.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 18/06/2019 01:04

"Project Hobo" 🤣

My crystal ball tells me op will let him in her knickers once and will subsequently be financially bled dry.

Original poster
Hannah11BobbyPins · 18/06/2019 01:05

Oh yes and he DID keep asking me what I liked sexually and told me how good other exes said he was, and talked a LOT about giving me oral sex and how much he wanted to do it. Funny that other posters here have heard EXACTLY the same!

To answer earlier post's q, my description of 'letting him court me' is that I'm holding off sex because I like building up the tension and letting him try different things to bed me.

Answer other q, yes I have a house (paying it off) and a steady career.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hannah11BobbyPins · 18/06/2019 01:07

@Closetbeanmuncher I am pretty sensible with my finances and the idea of supporting a serious partner (the RIGHT person, not necessarily him) is fine with me

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 18/06/2019 05:58

There is nothing wrong with having sex with a good friend, I’ve done fhat lots of times and no regrets.

But in this case I wonder if he is a good friend.