New man courting me in weird way?

[Hannah11BobbyPins]

I met this guy recently who I really like. Sorry to sound like a dreadful wanker but truth be told I'd probably be considered out of his league (sorry, makes me cringe saying it but thought I needed context). I'm significantly younger and attractive, he's broke and not conventionally handsome, but I'm extremely drawn to his 'vagabond, primitive-macho type vibe'.

If you could bear with that obnoxious intro, thank you! We're in a situation where I'm letting him court me. We both know there's an attraction. But yesterday when we were together he kept detailing his huge list of sexual conquests to me which felt to me like a misguided courting strategy. Not sure why he thought that would work because now I'm thinking I don't want to be another 'notch' and he could have an STI :S

has this happened to anyone before? Is there a chance for a decent relationship, not just sex? For context, be spent the whole morning showing me photo albums of his childhood (hours doing it). We're quite close

I'm significantly younger and attractive, he's broke and not conventionally handsome, but I'm extremely drawn to his 'vagabond, primitive-macho type vibe'.

he kept detailing his huge list of sexual conquests to me which felt to me like a misguided courting strategy

I'm 28 (not that young but he is 25 years older than me)

Christ. Run for the hills, woman.

I completely agree with the above. Spending hours showing you his childhood photos implies he’s self-absorbed. An insight into someone else’s life experiences might be interesting to begin with but someone very self-absorbed would get boring, and would absolutely not be a good person to be in a relationship with; they’re likely to put themself first all the time.

I love that he's 'courting' you. You're a woman after my own heart - I absolutely loved a louche, inappropriately older man in my 20s.

But gross, no, this is not gallant.

You always encounter his type at festivals, around people 25 years or more younger. Theyre always playing the experienced, university of life card, usually divorced, always have grownup children who tolerance him because he's their dad and they're too nice.

They always end up being dickheads.

He's probably delighted and amazed that someone your age actually wants to shag him.

Bizarre that he's showing you pics of his childhood, though. Why? Does he ask you about you?

Do not get dragged in, OP. Get it out of your system if you want but DO NOT GET DRAGGED IN. I'd be more concerned that you're bonding with him than by the physical attraction. Widen your interests and look elsewhere.

Oh, and please can people lay off OP for use of the word 'courting'. It may astonish some people to learn that language varies around the country.

(But OP, he's a creep.)

Macho and talking about is conquests. Ick. Sounds like a narcissist to me. They often get you with the chemistry and then you're screwed. Take the beer goggles off and ask yourself this - is he a nice person? (to everyone and about everyone, not just you). If the answer is no, time to run.

If someone is "courting" you, they should be focusing on you - making you feel wonderful, special, and wanted.

From what you have said, this is all about him. How wonderful at sex he is and how many partners he has had. He's made you look at his family albums (did he give a reason for this?). He seems to want an audience, not a partner.

How did you meet? Did you meet through work/a common interest/ friends? Or was it OLD, in which case, why is he looking for women so much younger than him? I don't have anything against big age gaps (my exh was 15 years older) but, combined with his odd behaviour, it raises concerns. Why did his marriage end?

Why is he broke? Lots of valid reasons of course for not having much money at that age - ill health, low paid career etc, but to me it raises a huge red flag - is he just looking for someone to provide for him into his old age?? Does he own his own house and have a pension that he will be able to live off? I honestly suspect he is trying to charm you and marry you, to secure his future. I suspect you have a decent job?? he's playing the long game.

Part of me is wanting to suggest that you have sex with him, because I bet it will be pretty rubbish. However he seems to have a bit of a hold over you, so I wonder if even if the sex was rubbish you would be prepared to put up with it.

Try and take a step back and look at this potential relationship with a critical eye, that perhaps a friend would.

Oh, and please can people lay off OP for use of the word 'courting'. It may astonish some people to learn that language varies around the country.

Sure it does, but it's ironic and amusing to many on the thread that she uses an archaic, rather formal term to describe what she is 'allowing' a man she describes as having a 'vagabond, primitive-macho type vibe' to do to her. It conjures up mental pictures of a caveman laying his animal skin loincloth over a puddle or singing Neanderthal love poetry under her window.

I'm more interested in what 'allowing him to court me' means? Does it mean you don't hit him on the head with a photo album when he says 'Errm, there's me on the steps of a caravan in Cromer' for the fortieth time?

Oh just shag him and get him out of your system. 😄

Yes more grunting than courting.

Oh just shag him and get him out of your system.

Possibly the soundest advice of all.

Young lady, please return with an update soon.

OP, don't go there.
What you find vaguely attractive and raffish now, is going to get old very quickly. Just like him.

It has disaster written all over it.

Oh just shag him and get him out of your system.

Yeah but a lot of women tend to catch feelings. And op sounds like she will.

I'm the same age as you op, do you really want to have to get intimate with someone this old. In his 50s. I wouldn't.
No thanks.
What do your friends think?

Oh just shag him and get him out of your system.

Spot on advice.

OP, I've shagged many an unsuitable for a relationship man just to get the lust out of my system.

Don't catch feelings. I've usually found any thought of feelings has completely gone after the shag.

Maybe you will be just a 'notch on his bedpost' but he will equally be one on yours.

It's not feelings I'd be worried about catching tbh.

If you do consider a shag, you could ask him to get tested for STIs first.

Oh dear, its Razor Ruddock isn't it.

Which reminds me did we ever find out who the famous person was from the other thread about the op doing a hobby with?

Morality has it spot on. I know this type EXACTLY. I suspect there is some narcissistic tendencies in there but basically steer well clear. He will also highly likely be a shit shag. And even if he's amazing, the rest of the shit just isn't worth it. And find some great older female mentors so you can get the fulfillment and life experience without muddying the waters. Good luck!

He will also highly likely be a shit shag

Probably. But at least she'll know then

After all, it's only sex.

After all, it's only sex.

Not if he's a narcissist its not, its a whole world of control and mind fuckery. Nothing is allowed to be 'only' anything with his sort. Also, she wants more than sex so...

How have we diagnosed this complete stranger as a narcissist? I must have missed something...

Although, yes, you're right, she does want more. Although, maybe she just thinks she does and one look at his mid 50s body and slightly flaccid mid 50s cock and she might change her mind about that!

For clarity - I am mid 40s and have no issues with a mid 50s body nor associated age related changes. But I would have done at 28!